The Aftermath of Thor's Brilliant Scheme
by Super Hero 101
Summary: After Thor:Darkworld, Odin reclaims the throne from Loki and banishes Thor, Loki, Sif, Volstagg and Fandral to Earth for their treasonous acts during the Alinement. Where do they end up but with Jane and her friends? But Odin says he will give them a chance to come home...if they can prove themselves worthy! No slash, swearing or intense sensuality. Multiple different ships!
1. Prologue

A/N: Hey there, guys! Here's my new fic! It's going to be a serious comedy, just fair warning. I really hope you like it!

Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel.

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"Hurry up!"

Darcy Lewis ran out of the London apartment building with more suitcases than she could carry.

"I'm coming, Jane!" Darcy shouted, bustling down the front steps.

Jane Foster sat in the driver's seat of their English car, which was parked right in front of the building's entrance. Eric Selvig walked walked out of the apartment building with multiple suitcases, as well as a jacket that was draped over his one shoulder.

"Uh… we are so going to miss the plane," Jane moaned.

"Then we'll catch another one!" Darcy exclaimed in response, loading her baggage onto the luggage rack of the car. Eric got into the shotgun seat of the car.

"Darcy, we already bought the tickets for this flight!" Jane yelled.

"Wait!" They all heard as Ian ran out of the apartment, carrying a duffle bag and one suitcase, "Don't leave without me! I'm coming, too!"

"Intern, chill. We know you're coming." Darcy stated.

"I know," Ian responded in his British accent, "But Jane was shouting!"

"I'm sorry," Jane replied, "But will you two PLEASE GET IN THE CAR?!"

Ian and Darcy hastily jumped into the back of the car. Jane, probably not doing the speed limit, dove to the airport and the four of them leaped from the car. Quickly, they all gathered their luggage and made a beeline for the plane.

"Excuse me!" A guard called, "You have to go through customs-"

"We're gonna miss our plane!" Jane said in distress.

"Don't worry, Miss," He replied, "The plane doesn't leave for another hour."

Jane looked at a nearby clock. Then she looked down at her watch… which was set to the wrong time.

"Oh, whoops." Jane mumbled, "Sorry."

Not long afterwards an hour precisely, Jane and her friends boarded the plane that would take them back to New Mexico.  
Back to where all her research had begun.

Back to where Jane had met him.

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A/N: Sorry, that was super short but it was just the prologue! Please review! :)


	2. Break Free and Find Your Evil Twin

A/N: Alright-y, here's chapter two! I hope you're all liking it so far but just know that it gets better once the story gets goin'.

Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel

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After the Alinement and the chaotic events that went along with it, including the rise (and fall) of the Dark Elves, Thor had returned to Asgard. His father, Odin, had told him to go protect the Nine Realms. Thor had left to go and check up on Vanaheim, one of the Realms that had been under attack before the Alinement.

But you see, it was't really Odin sitting on the throne of Asgard. It was Loki, whom everyone thought had died on the Dark World. Loki had returned to Asgard after faking his own death, captured Odin and then, using his magical illusions, took the appearance of Odin, as well as his throne.

Now, Odin was locked up in a tower, Loki's prisoner for the moment. But soon, his two ravens landed on the outside sill of the prison's barred window. They told Odin that now was the best time to escape. Odin took on the form of a flea, hoped onto the sill and hitched a ride on one of his ravens.

The he marched strait to the throne room.

"GUARDS! Arrest him!" Odin shouted as he barged into the room, pointing to Loki on his throne.

"GUARDS! Arrest him!" Loki shouted as he stood, pointing to the real Odin.

Needless to say that the guards were beyond confused. They were under extreme befuddlement. There were two, identical Odins, both yelling for the guards to arrest the other. The guards soon surrounded the two Odins and a messenger was sent to find the Commander of the Guard.

"See, Sir!" The messenger exclaimed as they arrived back in the throne room.

"Huh…" The Commander said intelligently, scratching his chin, "That is a problem."

"I can assure you, Commander, that I am the true king." Loki stated

"No, he is not," Odin said, "Commander, that is Loki posing as me."

"Commander," Loki retorted, "That is Loki, impersonating me, trying to trick you. Trust me-"

"SILENCE!" The Commander said, "Er… I am sorry my liege, which ever one you are."

The Commander made a signal with his hand and the guards hit both Odins over the head, knocking both unconscious. As soon as Loki was unconscious and thus unable to control his magic, the illusion faded.

"Men, get chains for Loki," The Commander stated, "And for goodness sake, put Odin on his throne!"

The guards shackled the unconscious Loki and soon, Odin regained consciousness.

"My liege, forgive me," The Commander said, bowing, "I am so sorry."

"You did what needed to be done," Odin replied, "There is nothing to forgive."

Loki came back around and chuckled, "Hello, Allfather. Tell me, how did you escape your prison?"

Odin ignored his adopted son and merely said to the guards, "Go summon Thor and his accomplices."

"Sir?" The Commander replied. 'Accomplices'? That made it sound like they were criminals!

"All of the Asgardians who committed treason," Odin replied, "By following Thor during the Alinement."

Loki gulped. He had pardoned them all as Odin.

Now they were going to get exiled!

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A/N: Now the story finally gets interesting! ;D Hope you liked that chapter and please review!


	3. Odin Makes a Shocking Announcement

A/N: Here's chapter 3! This is where things begin to get interesting. Or interesting-er! :)

Disclaimer:I don't own Marvel.

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Thor met up with Sif, Fandral and Volstagg on his way to the throne room.

"Do you know what this is about?" He asked his friends.

"No," Fandral replied, "All the guard said was that Odin had requested our presence."

"Do you think," Sif suggested, "That there is more trouble a-foot?"

"Perhaps." Thor shrugged.

"Well, let's not jump to conclusions!" Volstagg exclaimed, trying to stay positive."

"Hogun was not summoned," Fandral pointed out, "And I feel as though if there were trouble, he'd be here too.'

They walked the rest of the way in silence, each one of them wondering what was going on.

When they arrived at the entrance of the throne room, two guards opened the double doors form them. The four warriors walked in to see guards lining the two sides of the long walk, down all the way to where Odin sat. They were all armed, as well.

Sif started to get an uncomfortable feeling that something wasn't right.

The foursome walked all the way to Odin's throne, then kneeled before him.

"Father, you summoned us?" Thor asked respectfully.

"Yes," Odin replied, "I have some alarming news."

Odin made a gesture with his hand and to his left, guards pulled Loki, who was chained from head to toe, out from behind a column.

"Loki?!" The foursome shouted in almost perfect unison.

"Well, aren't I popular today," He said, as if it weren't at all strange that he was suddenly alive and well.

"SILENCE!" Odin shouted, seeming already fed up with his adopted son, "Now, I have called you all here because in taking part in Thor's treasonous scheme during the Alinement, you have all committed treason and for that you should be exiled."

"But my lord," Fandral exclaimed, "Didn't you pardon us?"

"No-" Odin began to say.

"-I did." Loki finished.

"You were Odin?!" Thor shouted, "We all thought you were dead while you sat in Father's throne?!"

"Loki attempted to imprison me," Odin explained, "And thus take over Asgard."

"I was going to do a good job," Loki muttered.

"But his attempt failed," Odin stated, "I cannot just let you all off the hook so easily."

"Because it would show weakness," Loki 'whispered' in explanation.

"Loki, do not SPEAK!" Odin shouted, then said, "But I am going to give you all a chance to return."

"Return from where?" Sif asked hesitantly.

"I will be exiling you all to Midgard," Odin replied, "You will not retain your immortality. But I cannot completely take away any of your powers or skills. Those are things I can only decrease."

The foursome looked around at each other.

"I will be watching over you," Odin declared, "And sending you challenges, so you can prove to me that you are worthy to return home to Asgard."

Odin dismissed them. As they began to walk away, Sif felt like someone was watching her. She turned to see Loki look away from her. Sif also observed that Odin was talking to Loki, though about what, she could only guess. And Sif guessed that Loki had to go back to prison for his crimes, which were accumulating a lot faster these days.

The two guards at the doors escorted the foursome to a small chamber near the throne room, where they would be forced to stay until the next day, when they were scheduled to be exiled to Earth.

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A/N: I know all of you guys out there who read a lot of my other fics were wondering, "Super Hero 101, are you okay?! There hasn't been any Sifki in this fic yet!" Well, don't worry guys! There it was! And there will be more Sifki, and also some Taser Tricks (Loki/Darcy) Thor/Jane, Fandral/Darcy, Fandral/Every other female character, etc... so do not fret!

Please review and I will be taking suggestions for scenarios, ships to include... so don't be afraid to include those (but no slash, sorry)


	4. Rainbow Bridge Problems

A/N: Hey there! Thanks to all those who reviewed! I hope you like this chapter, because the story really starts to get going!

Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel.

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It was a bright, sunny morning when Thor, Lady Sif, Volstagg and Fandral were led by at least a dozen guards to the end of the Bifrost Bridge. There, they found Odin and Heimdall waiting in front of the Observatory.

"Is Odin going to send us down, or Heimdall?" Sif whispered to Thor.

"My guess is that it will take both of them," Thor whispered in response, "Heimdall will send us down, but Odin will be taking our immortality and such."

"Oh. Right." Sif muttered. She supposed it would take a lot of strength to remove one's immortality.

They all walked into the Observatory. Odin went and stood on the raised platform where Heimdall usually stood. The guards forced the 'prisoners' into a straight line facing Odin.

They all heard what sounded like clanking chains, at first it sounded far off but it kept coming closer. The 'prisoners' couldn't see the entryway from their position and could not tell what the clanking was until Loki, still chained from head to toe, was shoved into line next to Sif.

"Loki? I thought you had to go back to prison?" Sif whispered.

"Well, apparently the Allfather decided that I have to (and I quote) 'learn a lesson about a thing or two'," Loki whispered, and then added almost laughingly, "Whatever that means!"

"Eh-Hem!" Odin cleared his throat, glaring at Sif and Loki, "Now that everyone is here, we shall begin."

Odin began waving his scepter and chanting a bit. The five Asgardians' armor and chains practically disintegrated and fell to the floor, leaving them wearing only their shirts and pants. Odin stretched out his hand, and all of their weapons flew to Odin and dropped to the floor in front of him. Except, Mjolnir stayed at Thor's side. Apparently the Allfather was not worthy of the power of Thor.

"In the name of my father," Odin began, "And his father before…"

Odin plunged his scepter into the slot on the platform. Heimdall came up and grabbed ahold of the scepter's handle as well.

"I, Odin Allfather…" Odin said.

The five Asgardians felt what they assumed to be Odin taking away their immortality and decreasing their powers. It felt like they had been plunged into thick water and their physical body was being separated from their immortal spirit. Fandral felt like a part of him was being sucked out with a vacuum. (Except, like a vacuum in space, not a vacuum cleaner).

The five Asgardians heard Odin's last words like he was underwater (or like they were underwater).

"CAST YOU OUT!"

Suddenly, the five Asgardians felt as though they were being broken apart, molecule by molecule, and then they were falling, falling…

* * *

Ian sat on the roof of Jane's New Mexico house. He was bird watching, and had just adjusted his binoculars when he watched a swirling funnel drop out of the sky not too far off in the middle of nowhere.

"Hey, Darcy?" Ian called down to Darcy, who was bringing some groceries into the house.

"What?!" She yelled back.

"Do you think we should get into the basement?" Ian asked pointing to the funnel.

Darcy turned and saw what Ian was pointing at.

"Oh my gosh- That's not a twister!" Darcy exclaimed.

They watched as a bright flash of light appeared when the funnel touched the ground. Then it flickered a couple times before disappearing completely. Ian, using his binoculars, saw what looked like a couple of people fall out of the sky.

"I guess they had some technical difficulties," Darcy muttered.

"Who…what do you mean?" Ian called down.

"C'mon inside! We have to tell Jane!" Darcy exclaimed.

Ian climbed down the latter to the inside of the house and ran to the kitchen, where Jane had just finished unpacking their box of silverware. Darcy ran into the room and dumped the grocery bag on the ground.

"Jane!" Darcy exclaimed, out of breath.

"What now, Darcy?" Jane asked, clearly not interested.

"I think Thor's back!" She declared.

"What?!" Jane shouted, now very interested.

"We saw them come down though a funnel." Ian added.

"Them?"

"Yeah, it looks like he brought some friends," Darcy replied.

"What're we waiting for?" Jane exclaimed, "Let's go!"

"Go where?" Eric asked, walking into the kitchen.

"Thor's back. We're going to pick him up." Darcy stated.

"No, you're not." Eric retorted, "Darcy, did you see that it was most certainly Thor?"

"Not exactly…"She replied, "But I saw some blobs fall out of the sky!"

"Wait- they fell?" Jane said.

"Yup. It looked like the Rainbow Bridge was having some real technical difficulties." Darcy stated.

"The 'rainbow bridge'?" Ian repeated.

"That's right, intern." Darcy replied knowingly.

"Eric, we have to go-" Jane started.

"Jane listen," Eric explained, "It's not that I don't want Thor here or anything, but think about this. What if it's not Thor? What if it's some… evil monster?"

"Then we;d be driving right into it's evil clutches!" Darcy exclaimed, then started cackling.

"Alright." Jane replied, eyeing Darcy, who then stopped cackling, "Plus, he knows how to get here."

* * *

Since the process of transporting, taking away immortality and decreasing powers was extremely complex, the five Asgardians' transportation was not so smooth. The funnel kind of evaporated, leaving them to fall instead of setting them gently on the ground.

Thor fell from the sky first.

"AAAAAHHHHH!" He screamed. A flock of birds nearby flew off with distressed squawking. Thor angled himself to land as nicely as possible but it still hurt. And it hurt a lot more than normal because he was mortal now.

"Ow!" He exclaimed, laying on the ground.

Suddenly, Volstagg's scream was heard and he fell onto Thor's back.

"Ow!" Thor yelled again.

"Sorry!" Volstagg said, standing up. Thor stood as well.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!" The two men heard and looked up. Fandral dropped from the sky and knocked Thor over.

"Ow!" Thor said, more irritated then hurt now.

"Ow…" Fandral moaned, "Oh, sorry."

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Loki pitched out of the sky and once he got to the ground, he tucked into a dive-roll, stood and held out his arms.

"Ta-da!" He exclaimed triumphantly.

Suddenly, Sif fell into Loki's outstretched arms without so much as a yelp of fear. They both fell to the ground, because Loki had not exactly been ready to catch anybody.

"OOF!' They both exclaimed.

"Not that I don't love your company, Sif," Loki said, "But do you mind?"

Sif realized she was on top of Loki and scrambled to get up.

"Sorry, I wasn't aiming for you," She stated, dusting herself off.

"Well, I would have tried to actually catch you- had I known you were coming," he smirked, "Next time, give me some warning."

"It's not my fault I don't scream like a sissy," Sif smiled, "Like you all do."

Loki opened his mouth to make some remark but Fandral spoke first.

"Where are we- oh…"

They all turned to see a very familiar town, one they had all been to before, one way or another.

It was Puente Antiguo, the town where Thor ˙had first met Jane.

"Ah-ha!" Thor exclaimed, then shouted to the sky, "Thank you, Father!"

Thor started to whirl Mjolnir so he could fly, but he only hovered a couple feet off the ground.

"Oh. Right." Thor mumbled, dropping to the ground, "Our powers are limited."

"What are we to do?" Volstagg asked.

"Hm… I suppose we will have to walk," Thor stated.

Loki moaned. Sif's jaw dropped.

"But we are like mortals!" Fandral exclaimed.

"We'll get exhausted easier!" Volstagg added.

"And we'll sweat easier!" Fandral muttered.

"We have no other means of transportation." Thor said.

"Why?" Loki mumbled, "At least prison isn't scorching hot-"

"Why don't we find shelter close by and then travel by night, when the sun won't be burning us?" Sif suggested.

"I don't see any shelter," Volstagg said, looking about.

They all began looking about. Loki, with his raven-colored hair, felt like his head was baking in an oven. Dark-haired Sif had a similar feeling.

"I suggest," Loki said, "That we go over to that tree."

Sure enough, there was a scraggily tree a short ways away. It was't very big, being a desert tree and all, but it made enough shade for all five of them. The five Asgardians trekked over the little tree.

"Phew!" Volstagg exclaimed, "It's absolutely roasting out here!"

"So is my head." Loki groaned. He sat down and leaned up against the tree, "Ah, that's better."

"The sun's probably reflecting off of Fandral's hair," Sif joked.

"Yes, it is shiny enough," Volstagg added.

"Oh, ha ha." Fandral stated, "Very funny."

Volstagg plunked down and complained, "I wish we had some water. And food!"

"Well, if you'd like to go up and check the tree for fruit," Loki teased, "I suggest you send somebody else up so our shelter doesn't fall down."

Volstagg grumbled, but the others chuckled. A couple seconds of silence passed.

"I wonder," Thor suddenly exclaimed, "If I can reflect the sun off of Mjolnir and send Jane a signal?"

"Yes, I'm sure she'll be vigilantly watching the middle of nowhere for reflection-signals that you're here," Loki stated sarcastically.

"Alright," Thor muttered, "So it's not a great plan. I get it."

They all eventually sat down beneath the tree and there was a lull in the conversation. Loki started absent-mindedly staring at Sif, whom he had had a crush on for a very long time. But Sif had never noticed really, and it seemed to Loki that she was in love with Thor. But Thor was in love with Jane now so… technically Loki had a chance.

Sif turned and caught Loki staring at her. She just smiled and he just smiled back (sort of awkwardly) and they both looked in opposite directions.

Thor was daydreaming of Jane. He loved her so much. She was smart, funny, beautiful and kind, even when he had been a jerk those days they first met.

Volstagg was napping and literally having a dream about food, which was nothing new.

Fandral was constantly wiping sweat from his brow and brushing his fingers through his hair.

"Hey, Loki!" Thor exclaimed suddenly, "I just realized something!"

"Yes…?" Loki replied.

"They all think you're dead," Thor stated.

"Okay," Loki responded in a sort of 'whatever' way.

"Well, Selvig will not be happy to see you," Thor commented, "And Jane might slap you… again…"

Loki laughed, "But this time, I will see it coming."

The sun finally started to set and all Fandral wanted to do was sleep. But they had to go find Jane. And when they found Jane, they'd find civilization, nourishment and comfortable living space.

"Let's get going, shall we?" Thor said.

"Volstagg, we are leaving!" Fandral called.

"Hm? What?" Volstagg awoke, "Wait for me! I'm coming!"

Then the five Asgardians began their trek to Puente Antiguo, New Mexico.

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A/N: Yay! Interesting things are transpiring now! Whoop-whoop!

Anyways, I hope you liked it and please review with any comments, questions, concerns or suggestions you might have! :)

Thanks again to all those who reviewed! I really appreciate it!


	5. Don't Tase Me Bro!

A/N: Hey people! Hope you're all enjoying this so far and thanks to those who've reviewed!

Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel.

* * *

At first, it seemed to Loki that the walk to Puente Antiguo was going to take about ten steps. But the more they walked, the farther away it seemed. Although it was a bit cooler now that the sun had gone down, the non-stop walking made it seem that much hotter outside.

"How much farther?" Volstagg exclaimed form the very back of the group.

"Not that far," Thor, in lead, replied.

Thor felt extremely hot, and remembered that his mortality was causing him to feel unwell because of how overheated he was. So Thor decided to remove his shirt, and he was glad that he did. The air seemed to cool off, though Thor knew it was him that was cooling off. He slung his shirt around his neck and continued walking.

"Ah! Good idea!" Fandral exclaimed beside him, taking his shirt off, too.

Sif, who was walking behind them a bit, couldn't help staring. Both men were equally attractive, and pretty muscular, too. Loki noticed her staring and rolled his eyes.

"Why is it so hot here?" Sif muttered, more to herself, fanning her face with her hand.

"It's due to the fact that we are closer to what the mortals call the equator," Loki explained, walking up to be beside Sif, "Which is the middle of the Earth, well, if you were to divide it into the northern and southern hemispheres, and the Sun shines on the equator to most. Also, the sand can trap in heat, so that it feels warm even after sunset."

"Huh, I never knew that," Sif admitted.

Loki smiled to himself. He didn't need to be topless to impress women. (Though it did help a bit…).

"Are we there yet?" Volstagg cried out, though he could obviously see that they were not.

"NO!" Thor and Fandral yelled form the front of the group.

"My legs hurt," Sif mumbled.

"Agreed," Loki said.

"My feet hurt," Fandral stated.

"Must we talk of our ailments?" Thor exclaimed, sounding irritated.

"What else is there to talk of?" Fandral grumbled.

Finally, Loki was at the point where if he didn't remove his top, he felt as though he would fall over and die of heat exhaustion. However Loki did not want to remove his top, because he felt weird being topless in front of mortals. (Even though Loki couldn't see any mortals around). After a couple seconds of thinking all of this through in his head, Loki decided he'd rather be seen topless than keel over and drop dead of heat exhaustion.

Sif glanced at Loki, then glanced back again when she noticed he too was now topless. She never realized it before, but Loki was just as attractive and muscular (in his own way) as Fandral and Thor. (Well, no one was as muscular as Thor).

"Something the matter?" Loki asked.

"Hm? No, why do you ask?" Sif replied.

"Well, you were staring at me," Loki stated.

"Oh," Sif felt herself blush, "Sorry."

"Are we there yet?" Volstagg cried out.

"NO!" Everyone shouted at once.

They walked for another hour before they reached the small, deserted-looking town. Loki put his shirt back on, because there were better chances of mortals being seen here (and mortals seeing him). Thor and Fandral had re-topped as well. (If that's how one would say it).

However, since it was probably around midnight, they didn't come across any people.

"How much longer till-" Volstagg started to whisper.

"I don't know!" Thor whisper-shouted.

"Why are you whispering?" Loki asked in a normal voice.

"I didn't want to wake anyone up," Volstagg shrugged.

Thor led them around the town for a couple minutes in silence. Suddenly, Loki saw a cafe that looked strangely familiar.

"Hm, that's odd." He said.

"What?" Fandral asked.

"Thor, you're leading us in circles!" Loki exclaimed.

"What- I am not!" Thor retorted.

"Yes you are!" Loki laughed, "The Mighty Thor, lost in the simplest of all mortal settlements!"

"I might recognize something if I could see!" Thor grumbled.

"Come now, it's not that dark out!" Fandral stated.

"Hush!" Sif said suddenly, "I hear something!"

The Asgardians unconsciously formed a back-to-back circle in case they needed to defend themselves. Thor glanced around.

"There it is again!" Sif exclaimed in a whisper.

Thor listened and he heard the noise Sif was talking about. He recognized it as someone starting up a motorcycle.

"Ah, it's a motorcycle," Thor stated calmly, "Everyone on the sidewalk."

They all jogged over to the curb and soon after, a motorcycle (with rider, of course) cruised right through where the Asgardians had been standing.

"What was that?" Sif exclaimed.

"It's a motorcycle," Thor explained, "It's kind of like a mechanical horse."

"Oh my." Volstagg murmured.

They continued on, and eventually, Thor ran up to a familiar-looking building with glass doors and a flat roof with a sign that read 'SMITH MOTORS" on it, from when the building had previously been an abandoned car dealership. But that was before Jane had bought it and transformed it into an office/home type of set up.

"Should we really disturb them at this hour?" Fandral inquired.

"Well, are we planning on sleeping at their doorstep?" Loki retorted.

"Hm…" Thor decided that it'd be rude to wake Jane up just to get inside, "I know! We can climb up onto the roof. Jane usually has some lawn chairs up there."

"Lawn chairs for the roof?" Volstagg asked in confusion.

The five Asgardians climbed up to the roof via the outside of Jane's house, which wasn't as easy as Thor made it out to be. It's a good thing nobody was outside to see them, or else the police would probably have arrested them already.

"Hm, no chairs." Fandral observed once they had finally made it to the roof.

"Well, let's see if the trapdoor is open," Thor replied.

Loki, who was the closest to the door, tapped on the small hatch. He tried to pry it open, then he banged on it a bit more.

"No use," Loki said, turning to face them, "It's locked."

"Then we'll just have to make do," Thor stated.

Meanwhile, inside, Darcy had been awakened by what sounded like a group of people climbing onto the roof. She got out of bed as she heard them trying to get inside. Quickly, Darcy put on her slippers and loaded her taser gun. As she quietly ascended the latter, Thor, Loki and Sif still stood with their backs to the hatch, while Fandral and Volstagg had seated themselves.

Darcy took a deep breath and burst very suddenly out of the trapdoor and tased the first person she could get a shot at.

Loki, who was still closest to the trapdoor, heard a click behind him and whirled around. Darcy fired, and Loki collapsed to the roof unconscious.

"Loki!" Sif exclaimed, as Fandral and Volstagg leaped up from their seated positions. Sif went over to Loki's unconscious body and knelt beside him, taking his pulse.

"Oh my gosh…" Darcy muttered.

"Darcy!" Thor said, half-excitedly, half-angrily.

"Hey…sorry about that," Darcy replied. She couldn't believe she had just tased Loki, the guy who blew up half of New York, who also happened to be just about the hottest man Darcy had ever met in person.

"Is he alright?" Fandral asked.

"What did you do to him?" Sif demanded.

"Don't worry, he's fine. I just tased him." Darcy said simply.

Darcy received blank stares from everyone but Thor.

"Do not worry," Thor explained, "Darcy has merely rendered Loki unconscious. She did it to me once and as you can see, I am quite alive still."

Darcy remembered meeting Volstagg and Fandral, as well as Sif, but she hadn't met Loki before. She wondered if Sif and Loki were, like, together (whatever they called being boyfriend and girlfriend on Asgard). Last Darcy remembered, Jane had said Sif seemed to be in love with Thor. Also Darcy remembered it being the Warriors THREE and Lady Sif…

"Hey, aren't you missing someone?" Darcy asked.

"Yes, Hogun," Fandral replied, "He is back on Vanaheim."

"Wait, why are you guys even here?" Darcy exclaimed, "What happened to the Rainbow Bridge?"

"All will be explained in time, Darcy," Thor replied gently.

"Do you want to come inside?" Darcy asked, "Jane doesn't even know you're here!"

Thor thought for a minute, "I think that I'd like to surprise her!"

"Okay, I won't tell," Darcy smiled, "Night."

She headed back down the latter and shut the hatch.

"You could've at least asked for some pillows!" Fandral exclaimed, "Blankets! Something!"

"We'll be fine," Volstagg mumbled, already half asleep.

"Thor, he's not waking up," Sif stated, referring to Loki.

"It will take some time," Thor replied, "But I assume he will awaken in the morning with us."

Sif nodded and moved off a bit to the side, so she could have her own personal space. Fandral was on Sif's left, and then Volstagg and then Thor to his left.

"Good night everyone," Thor said.

"Good night," Fandral replied sleepily.

"Night…" Volstagg muttered.

"Good night," Sif responded, drifting off to sleep.

* * *

A/N; Woo-hoo, hope you liked it! Can't wait until the funny shenanigans! ;)

Please review and thanks again to those who have! :)

By the way, **thepheonixandthedragon4ever** (sorry if I spelt that wrong) thank you for the review. I am fully aware that Loki is a Jotun, thank you very much, and while, yes, he does have ice magic from his heredity, Frigga also taught him her magic. This is revealed in a deleted scene from Thor 2, but it is still canon (it's also stated on Loki's wiki page on the Marvelwiki site, if you trust that more). Also, 1). I have read up on Norse mythology, and the Jotuns (or Frost Giants) have long lifespans like the Asgardians, so they too would be considered 'immortal', though both Asgardians and Jotuns can and will eventually die. That's how Odin could take away Loki's immortality. Also 2). I never said anyone took away Loki's magical abilities, only decreased them. 3). That's hard to answer. I mean, I obviously can't know EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING, but in Thor 1, baby Loki turns 'Asgardian form' when Odin picks him up. I don't know why or how, also Loki only shows his true Frost Giant colors (literally) when he was touched by the other Jotun and while using his Jotun powers/ the Casket of Ancient Winters... And, obviously this is just fan FICTION, so... I say Loki still looks Asgardian.

Also, nothing is stopping SHIELD and Eric from doing horrible things to Loki but me. I am stopping them because I am the writer and I don't do torture and horrorful things such as that in my fics. And I can't see SHIELD capturing and torturing Loki. I think if they did capture him, they'd just hold him prisoner, anyway. Eric needs to get over his hatred, as we all do and no, Odin does not want Loki killed. I believe Odin, while he may not be the most loving father to Loki, still cares for his adopted son, even if only because Frigga cared so much for him.

Thanks again for your review **thepheonixandthedragon4ever. **I hope I completely answered your questions and that my explanations made sense. (Also, I'm wondering how many times I say "also" in there ;) Feel free to ask any other questions you might have and I will try to answer them to the best of my ability.


	6. Sleepless in Puente Antiguo

A/N: Hey guys! Sorry this chapter is short, but hey, it happens.

Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel

* * *

Loki woke up in the middle of the night (or the early morning). The last thing e remembered was being electrocuted by some seemingly mortal Human girl. But Loki wasn't so sure she was mortal anymore, since she had electrocuted him.

He sat up and looked around. Well, he was still on the roof, so at least he hadn't been abducted. That was a good sign, right? Next to him, Sif lay unconscious. Just to be sure that girl hadn't done anymore evil, Loki grabbed Sif's wrist gently and checked her pulse, which was still normal.

_Good, she's still alive_, Loki thought, though he wondered if they had all been electrocuted, too.

He assumed everyone else was still alive and went back to sleep. Or, he tried to.

Fandral, who was on Sif's other side, flung his arm out in his sleep and hit Sif in the face.

"Ouch!' SIf shouted angrily. She punched Fandral in the stomach.

"OW!" Fandral exclaimed in pain, "What was that for?!"

"You hit me first!" Sif stated, and then added, "Right in my face, too!"

"I did nothing of the sort!" Fandral declared indignantly.

"Yes you did!" Sif retorted.

"Now, ladies, let's calm down and go back to sleep," Loki muttered, not even opening his eyes.

"What- hey!" Fandral exclaimed angrily, clearly offended.

"Loki, you're still alive!" Sif said.

"Indeed," Loki responded, "Did you really think such a puny mortal would be able to defeat me?"

"It looked rather painful," Sif commented.

Loki tilted his head side-to-side, "I've been through worse."

"Well, good night," Sif said, lying back down.

"Good night," Loki replied. He closed his eyes, got comfortable and was about to drift off-

Thor sprang up very suddenly, startling everyone awake.

"What? What is it?" Volstagg exclaimed.

"Nothing! I just really want to go see Jane!" Thor replied, "I haven't see her in so long-"

Everyone rolled their eyes and lay back down was Thor went on and on.

"Well, don't bother us about it!" Volstagg exclaimed.

Thor walked over to the hatch, then back to where he had been sleeping.

"No, I must wait," He said out loud to himself, "It will be more fun to surprise her…"

"Thor, will you please shut up?" Loki muttered.

* * *

A/N: Next chapter will be longer, I promise! Thanks to those who support me via reviews!

Well, **thepheonixandthedragon4ever**, to answer your other questions, I'm not sure whether or not Thanos tortured Loki. The Chitauri wouldn't have, I don't think, because they were just his army. I don't think Thanos tortured Loki, but he definitely threatened him, which I guess could be considered mental torture (?) I think he had some partial mind control from the cube itself. Apparently, according to some very observant people, Loki's eyes are blue in the Avengers, but green in the other movies. Everyone's eyes turn blue when they're controlled by the cube so... who knows? Of course, this is all just my opinion, so it is in no way official or canon. Thanks for the review!


	7. An Eventful Morning

A/N: Hey there, guys! I did promise that this chapter would be longer, didn't I? ;)

Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel

* * *

Jane woke up the next morning to the sound of Darcy could just tell it was Darcy, due to how off key said whistling was. She stalked into the kitchen, purposely trying to look tired, angry and generally disgruntled. Ian was cooking scrambled eggs, while Darcy and Eric sat at the kitchen table.

They all looked highly suspicious.

"Is everything alright?" Jane asked.

"Yeah" was the general response.

"Nobody's talking," Jane added.

"Sorry" was the general response.

The whistling grew louder and more off key. Jane snatched her plate scrambled eggs from Ian's hands.

"I'm going to eat on the roof this morning!" Jane declared.

She walked out of the kitchen, grumbling slightly. Once she was a safe distance away, Darcy stopped whistling. Ian smiled.

"See, I told you it would get her up on the roof," Darcy stated.

Jane climbed the latter with great difficulty, since she had a plate of scrambled eggs in one hand. She balanced on the latter as she single-handedly unlocked the trapdoor and pushed it open. She set the plate on the roof and climbed up.

Jane almost fell over and tumbled back down the latter when she saw five people sleeping on her roof. Then she almost fell over again when she realized who those five people sleeping on her roof were.

"Oh. My. Gosh…" Jane exclaimed, "Thor?!"

Everyone woke with a start. Thor smiled when he saw Jane and stood up to great her.

"Jane!" He exclaimed.

"What are you doing here?" Jane asked excitedly.

"It's so good to see you!" Thor said at the same time.

The couple hugged and then started kissing, as it was inevitable.

"Okay, not exactly what I look forward to waking up to…" Loki yawned.

The other four Asgardians tried not to watch the intimate moment, but then again, they were on a roof, so it wasn't even that private to begin with. Loki saw Sif staring at the couple and raised his eyebrows.

"What?" Sif asked, raising her own eyebrow.

"Oh nothing," Loki said 'casually', "Dr. Foster, your breakfast is getting cold."

Jane and Thor stopped kissing to glare at Loki.

He held up his hands and said, "Well, don't come complaining to me when your food is all mushy."

Jane invited them all to come inside. Once they arrived in the kitchen, Jane turned suddenly and slapped at Loki, saying, "That's for betraying Thor!".

However, Loki did see it coming this time and ducked under her hand.

"Ha ha!" He exclaimed triumphantly, "I see your love of slapping me had not been diminished since we last met, Dr. Foster."

Jane frowned slightly and made a little, "Humph!" noise.

As Sif walked by her into the kitchen, she sort of frowned at her.

_Jeez, that lady seriously doesn't like me_, Jane thought. Sif had never seemed to even tolerate her, which Jane figured was because Sif had been in love with Thor before Thor met Jane and then he fell in love with Jane, etcetera, etcetera… But Jane figured that Sif would just have to deal with it.

"So, uh, whatcha doin' here?" Darcy began to ask.

Eric walked back into the kitchen, saw Loki and yelled, "You're supposed to be dead!"

"Sorry to disappoint you so," Loki replied, with faked sincerity.

"I'm going to the living room," Eric muttered.

"No," Jane declared, "We're all going to sit down and figure out what's going on together because this involves everyone in the house."

There were only four chairs available, which Jane, Thor, Eric and Darcy took. Ian stood behind Darcy and Eric, whilst Sif, Loki, Volstagg and Fandral stood behind Thor. (Who had, by the way, put Mjolnir down on the kitchen counter).

"Well," Thor began, "We are here because Odin has exiled us all, due to our treason."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Jane moaned.

"Do not fear!" Fandral exclaimed, "The Allfather told us that we will be given chances to show our worth and return!"

"How is he going to do that?" Ian asked, not entirely sure who the 'Allfather' even was.

"Knowing my Father," Thor replied, "He will send us challenges to prove our worthiness. Then, and only then, will we be allowed to return."

"Loki may be here a while," Volstagg joked.

"Not as long as you will be," Loki retorted.

"It's certainly convenient that he sent you here," Jane said, "How'd he even know we'd be here? We just moved back!"

"The Allfather sees all," Volstagg replied, "As does Heimdall, who can see even more!"

"Well, it looks like you're going to be living with us, then," Jane declared.

"I hope it isn't too much trouble," Thor said.

"No, but it will certainly prove interesting," Jane responded, "We'll have to go shopping, though, because I'm guessing you didn't pack extra clothes."

"Yay, shopping trip!" Darcy exclaimed.

Loki shot her a glare.

"Oh, hey, sorry I tasked you," She said, "I thought you guys were robbers."

Loki nodded, but he still didn't seem completely forgiving.

"If we do go (which we'll have to),"Jane continued, "I think you might want to wear disguises. People might recognize you…"

"A wise thought," Thor said.

"Darcy, Ian, why don't you two go find our comfy lounge chairs," Jane asked and then said to the Asgardians, "You guys will have to sleep on the roof. We don't have anymore rooms big enough for you."

"I believe we can make do with that," Fandral replied.

Darcy and Ian went off to find the lawn chairs, and Eric went off to help them.

"If you guys will just wait right here, I'll be back soon-ish with some…disguises," Jane said, running off.

All five of the Asgardians sat down at the kitchen table, except Volstagg, who Fandral beat to the last chair. Loki decided to test how limited his powers had been made. He stared at the yellow and orange flowers in the vase on the table. With a bit more concentration than usual, Loki was able to illusion them all purple.

"Loki, what are you doing?" Volstagg asked.

"Seeing how limited my abilities are," Loki replied.

"Can you disappear or change location?" Thor asked.

"I can't even change location in the first place!" Loki exclaimed, "I haven't mastered teleportation yet! But I can turn invisible."

Loki tried and turned half invisible, meaning that he was just kind of opaque.

"Well, I usually can," Loki muttered.

"Odin's probably just trying to show us what it's like to be Human," Fandral suggested.

"I doubt a Human could do that," Loki smirked.

"What?" Fandral asked.

Everyone chuckled at Fandral.

The flowers had returned to their natural hue, but now Fandral's hair was a vibrant purple instead. Fandral was still confused, so Sif kind of pointed to his hair as she laughed. Fandral rushed to a nearby mirror which hung on the wall and practically screamed, which only made everyone laugh harder.

"Alright, change it back!" Fandral shouted.

"Eheheheh…" Loki laughed, "Alright."

Fandral's hair went back to it's usual perfection and the laughter eventually died down.

"That wasn't funny," Fandral grumbled.

"Yes it-" Volstagg began, until Fandral shot him a scornful glare.

"Here we go!" Jane exclaimed, running back into the room and dumping a huge pile of… stuff on the table, which included leather jackets, sunglasses, and other costume pieces from Darcy's collection.

"Do I get to help dress them up?" Darcy asked eagerly, walking back in.

"NO." Jane said firmly. Obviously her intern would make them look even more conspicuous.

The Asgardians rummaged through the pile of various articles of costume pieces. With help and suggestions from Jane, the Asgardians were able to assemble fairly normal-looking outfits. After going off to change in the bathroom one-by-one, their outfits looked like this:

Thor wore his hair in a ponytail, to be less recognizable. He also wore sunglasses, his navy-blue t-shirt, a pair of jeans and combat boots. Loki wore his green t-shirt with a black leather jacket. He, too, wore sunglasses and a pair of black pants. Sif had tied her hair back, and wore a maroon tank top, a light brown leather jacket and ripped skinny jeans, which, she said, "made her legs feel like they were going to loose blood circulation". Volstagg had his hair pulled back and he was wearing a red bandana. He had on his brown top and black pants. Fandral wore black cargo shorts, sandals and a blue polo shirt.

"Alright, let's get going!" Darcy said impatiently.

"First," Jane stated, "It would be nice if you all just got a couple shirts that are the same color as the one you came in. Same as pants, if you can. It'll make the laundry easier to sort."

"I'll come too," Ian declared, "So I can act as the men's 'guide'."

"Good idea," Jane replied, "I'll go find Eric and see if he wants to come."  
Once everyone was rounded up, and Eric decided to tag along, the Humans grabbed their purses or wallets, and printed out multiple coupons, Jane led them all out to the van.

"Are we all gonna fit?" Darcy whispered to Jane.

"We can at least try," Jane shrugged, "Okay, so who's going to drive?"

The Asgardians all made exclamations of, "Not me!"

"I meant which of us," Jane stated, pointing to the Humans.

"I can drive today, Jane," Eric offered.

"Alright. Ian, I'll put you next to Eric," Jane suggested. Eric got into the driver's seat and then Ian got into the shotgun seat. "Hm… alright, so there's seven of us left…"

Jane opened the back door of the van. It had two rows of back seats, and each row had three seats.

"Oh. Looks like we're going to have to put four people in the back even though there's only three seats," Jane stated, glancing around at the people who were seatless (which was everyone except Ian and Eric).

"Okay. Darcy, you're in the far back left corner," Jane said, "Fandral… you go to the far back right corner. I'll be in the front left and Volstagg, why don't you go to the front right? Thor, you can be in the middle next to me… and Loki and Sif will have to squeeze in between Darcy and Fandral in the back."

"Ladies first," Loki said, allowing Sif to go in ahead of him. Sadly, she choose to sit next to Fandral, leaving Loki no choice but to sit between his crush… and Darcy, whom he was not exactly on good terms with as of 'the taser episode'.

Jane heard Loki mutter something under his breath before he climbed back to sit next to Darcy.  
"Oh, whoops," Jane muttered to herself. She thought, maybe it would give them a chance to at least tolerate each other, but Jane doubted Loki would forget 'the taser episode' so quickly.

Jane hopped into the van and they drove off to the local clothing department store.

* * *

A/N: The next chapter should prove to be interesting, I hope.

Thanks for reviewing if you do and thanks especially to **Steampunk Superhero** and **thepheonixandthedragon4ever, **who have been reviewing a lot!


	8. Drivin' to the Store

A/N: Hey there guys, sorry for the long-ish wait, but I've been super busy recently!

Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel, Khol's, Walmart, Kmart or anything else I don't own mentioned in this chapter.

* * *

The car ride to the department store was quite interesting. It went something like this:

"Are you planning on electrocuting me again?" Loki asked Darcy, with an irritated tone.

"No, I just did it because I thought you were a bunch of robbers!" Darcy exclaimed, sounding equally as irked.

_This guy may have good looks_, Darcy thought angrily, _but I think he needs an anger-management counselor! At least Ian doesn't hold a grudge for, like, five years! Geez!_

"Loki, are you being a grump?" Sif asked, trying to break up the argument.

"A what?!" Loki replied.

"A grump," Sif replied teasingly, "Noun; the personification of being grumpy. Synonyms: Loki."

Darcy watched as Sif smirked and then started the most epic stare-down with Loki, which lasted for about a minute. Finally Loki gave in and smiled.

"Alright, alright!' he replied, sighing, "I'm sorry for being so rude, Darcy."

"It's alright, I guess," Darcy replied, "But if we're all going to live together, you better work on your anger-management."

Loki opened his mouth to say something snarky, then closed it, took a deep breath and smiled.

"That was impressive," Sif teased.

Darcy got out her phone and began texting Ian, in a conversation like this:

D: sup Ian hows life?

I: Why are you texting me, we're in the same car?

D: Cuz i dont wnt 2 shout.

I: Oh, okay. Well, I'm fine, thanks.

D: u r tech-nic-ly inept

I: No I'm not!

D: yes u r! u txt in full sentncs!

I: I can txt talk fine!

D: no u cnt

I: yes i cn!

D: whtevr

I: i hrd u arguing w/ Loki

D: yeah went that intresting

I: ok whtevr

D: u doin n e thing tom?

I: my names Ian

D: i mnt tomorrow!

I: oh, no y?

D: wnt 2 go out?

I: ok we cn tok bout it l8tr

D: l8tr?

I: LATER

D: oh kay

Jane and Thor were discussing their own relationship while all this was going on.

"So if Odin thinks you're ready," Jane said, "Are you going to go back to Asgard?"

"I would rather stay with you but…" Thor sighed, "My father is growing old, and he needs someone else who can go out and protect the Nine Realms. And eventually take over for him."

"I understand," Jane murmured.

"Do not think I will never visit you," Thor stated, "Plus, I doubt evil forces will suddenly cease to exist on Earth."

"I'd rather you could just visit for good reasons," Jane laughed.

"Yes, enough talk about dark forces for now," Thor said, "Where exactly are we going?"

"To the Puente Antiguo department store," Jane answered.

"And what, pray tell, is a 'department store'?" Volstagg asked.

"Obviously it's were they store 'departments', whatever those are," Fandral stated.

"If we are out to buy clothing," Loki commented, "Why would we be going to a place that sells stored 'departments'?"

"No, that's not what it is," Jane explained, "On Earth, a store is also a place where you buy or sell things."

"Oh!" Fandral muttered.

"A department store, "Jane continued, "Is a store that is divided up into sections or departments. They have a men's department, a women's department, a children's department…"

"And a toy department," Darcy added.

"And so forth," Jane concluded.

The Asgardians generally nodded in understanding.

"They also have rooms separate from the store where you can try clothes on to make sure they fit," Darcy stated.

"WHAT?!" The Asgardians all exclaimed.

"Don't worry!" Darcy quickly added, "They have separate rooms for men and women!"

The Asgardians relaxed a bit more.

_This is gonna be interesting_, Jane thought. Especially since Jane was pretty sure Sif hated her guts.

"So once we get there," Jane decided to explain, "We will have to get out of the van and walk across the road to get to the building. There will be other cars, like this one, on the road, so we'll have to be extremely careful. Some people don't like to stop and let you cross."

The Asgardians looked around at each other in distress.

"But don't worry, most people let you cross," Jane quickly added.

They drove on, and suddenly Loki saw an elderly man walking slowly across the street in front of them. Selvig didn't slow the car, nor did he show any sign that he saw the man walking. So. Very. Slowly.

"Selvig," Loki exclaimed, "Stop the vehicle!"

Suddenly, the old man appeared to everyone else, too, right in the middle of the road.

"Whoa!" Darcy screamed as Eric slammed on the brakes. Everyone was jerked forward in the seats, but Loki kept going since he was the one in the back without a seatbelt.

"Ow!" He exclaimed, falling forward into the chair in front of him.

The old guy continued walking across the street.

"He- he just appeared out of nowhere!" Ian exclaimed.

All eyes turned to Loki, who was rubbing his forehead and making sure he wasn't bleeding.

"Ow…" Loki noticed the staring, "What, you think I…? I swear, I did not put an elderly man in the middle of this roadway!"

They all turned to look at the side walk where the old man should have been…

"He's…gone!" Jane almost screamed.

"I'll bet it was Father!" Thor exclaimed, "Seeing if Loki would enjoy watching an old man get run over! You passed the first challenge, my brother! Congratulations!"

Thor reached back and clapped Loki on the back (harder than necessary). Loki just sighed.

"Now we know the Allfather will indeed be testing us," Sif declared.

Loki grumpily rubbed his head again and sort of "hurr-umphed".

"Is anyone else in the road?" Eric asked.

"No." Loki practically growled.

They drove on and came to the parking lot of the Department store without further interventions on Odin's part. Once Eric found a spot and parked the van, everyone piled out.

"Okay, follow me," Jane stated, "If I stop, you stop, got it?"

Jane walked to the crosswalk, looked both ways, let a car zoom by, looked both ways again and stepped out into the road. They all walked safely across and then entered the building, which was about the size of your average Khol's, Walmart, Kmart, etcetera, etcetera.

"Alright," Jane said once they were all inside, "Darcy and I will take Sif to the women's section. Eric and Ian will take all you guys to the men's section. Don't worry too much about prices but make sure they're not sure expensive clothes, since you'll be getting six of everything."

"How, might I ask, will we know the price?" Loki asked.

"You'll see," Darcy replied, "It'll be on the annoying little tag poking you when you try the clothes on."

Jane shook her head and then said, "When we're all done, we'll meet here, then check out."

The groups then split up to go shopping.

* * *

A/N: Next chapter: shopping, interesting sales-people and more!

Please review and I hope you liked it! :)

(By the way, some people said it was confusing, but yes, it was an actual test, not just Eric being a lousy driver;)


	9. You Are the Shopping Queens (and Kings)

**A/N:** I'm back and so is my fanfic! Hooray! Thanks to all who are still reading, I hope you like this chapter!

Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel or its characters, or DC or any of its charcters

* * *

Jane and Darcy led Sif to the women's clothing department. Darcy wandered off to go look for Batman t-shirts or whatever, leaving Jane alone with a lady that most likely despised her.

"How will I know if it fits?" Sif asked, "You know, before I try it on?"

"Well, you could probably go with a small or a medium," Jane said, showing Sif to sizes on the tags, "Or you could hold it up to yourself, like this," Jane said, demonstrating.

"Ah ha…" Sif grabbed a shirt and held it up to herself, "Although this is the wrong color!"

Eventually, they were able to find some shirts in the correct maroon color for Sif.

"So…" Jane decided to ask, "Are you… mad at me because I'm in love with Thor?"

Sif sighed, "Well, I was at first… and for a while, mind you. But I've… kind of gotten over it. And him."

Jane nodded and Sif continued.

"Well, I realized he was truly in love with you, and at that point, there's usually nothing you can do for or about it. I realized I had to move on from my (admittedly) childish crush on him." Sif smiled and then added, "I am the goddess of war. I some times have trouble letting little things go."

"I guess we all do," Jane laughed.

They kept looking for a bit more in silence until Jane spoke again.

"Have you found some one else yet?"

"Hm?" Sif asked, looking up.

"Have you fallen in love with anyone else on Asgard?" Jane replied.

"No… no, I haven't found 'him' yet," Sif responded.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Jane said.

"It's alright, these things can take some time," Sif muttered with a smile.

Jane hesitated, then said, "Loki seems interested in you."

"I'm sorry?" Sif exclaimed.

"You heard me," Jane smiled, "I've seen him looking at you."

"That doesn't mean anything," Sif replied, smiling slightly, "Plus, I don't know how I feel about him..."

"Feel about who?" Darcy asked, reappearing suddenly with an enormous stack of graphic tee's.

"Nothing. Jane and I were just discussing her relationship with Thor," Sif replied calmly.

"Really?" Darcy shot Jane a does-she-still-want-to-beat-you-up look.

"Yes," Jane replied, smiling.

"Okay, let's go try on our clothes, then," Darcy smiled.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the men's section, Thor was wondering how the shirts labeled "Small" could possible fit someone. Loki and Fandral stood at a rack that had dark green and blue shirts. A salesgirl, about their age, walked by, and Loki and Fandral couldn't help but stare.

The girl had bubblegum pink hair, first of all. She wore all back, except for the red vest that all the salespeople had to wear. She had tons of cartilage piercings on her ear, a piercing on her nostril and she had on gray-to-black smoky eye make-up.

"Oh my." Loki said, but he hadn't meant to say it out loud.

It wasn't that Fandral or Loki thought she was ugly, they had just never seen some one who looked like that before.

"Um, are you guys okay?" She asked. The two men were staring at her with almost shocked or frightened looks.

"Yes, of course," Fandral said quickly, then read that her name tag said 'Colleen', "My friend and I were merely looking at the prices."

"Lemme see," Colleen said. She lazily grabbed the shirt form Fandral and pulled out a black object. Loki's eyes widened as he wondered if she was going to tase them.

But the girl merely held the black thing in front of the shirt's tag, it made a noise and Colleen stated, "Uh, the shirt's on clearance for, like, two dollars…"

"Thank you, Lady Colleen," Fandral replied politely as she handed the shirt back.

"Suuuure thing," She replied, giving them a weirded-out look.

Loki and Fandral stared after her as she walked off. Ian came up to them.

"What was going on with her hair?" Loki asked him.

"Who?" Ian looked where Loki pointed, "Oh, her? Yeah, she's fine…"

"Humans can have vibrant pink hair?!" Fandral exclaimed.

"Not naturally, but we can color it." Ian responded.

"Hm… so you can have purple hair?" Loki joked.

"Ha ha, very funny," Fandral said, "But don't you dare turn my hair purple again!"

Loki smiled deviously, which only made Fandral frown and feel very unsafe. (He kept checking his hair in the reflective surfaces of the clothing racks, but it never did turn purple again).

At the same time, Eric was helping Thor and Volstagg find shirts that would fit them.

"You should probably go for the 'extra large' sizes," Eric told Volstagg, trying not to sound offensive.

"Ah, yes. Very true!" Volstagg replied with a smile, patting his rotund stomach fondly.

"You'll probably need a large, too, Thor," Eric stated, regarding the muscular man.

"Yes, these sleeves look a bit small," Thor said, returning an 'XS' shirt to its rack.

Once the men finished trying on their clothing, they made their way back to where they were supposed to meet up with the ladies.

"It would appear that they are not yet finished," Volstagg declared.

"Women always take longer in clothing stores," Ian muttered.

"Apparently so," Thor mumbled, sounding a bit aggravated.

They stood there for a couple more minutes. The lady at the cash register nearby noticed them and called out, "I can take you over here if you're all set!"

"Thanks, but we're still waiting for some one!" Eric replied.

The saleswoman nodded and went back to chatting with another cashier about their cats.

"Why must they take such an excruciatingly long time?" Loki muttered.

"Probably because Darcy's raiding the graphic tee section," Ian stated.

"How do you know?" Fandral questioned.

"Because she always does," Ian replied, "I've only ever seen her wear graphic tees, so I assume they make up a substantial percentage of her wardrobe-"

"Ah, here that come!" Thor exclaimed happily.

"Hey, did you guys think to buy pajamas?" Jane asked as she, Darcy and Sif walked up to the men.

"No, I don't we did…" Eric replied, and then exclaimed, "Back to the men's department!"

The men half-heartedly shuffled off back to the clothing following Eric and Ian.

Loki made an exasperated noise that might have been a groan but sounded like, "Uuuuaaaarrrggggghhhhuuuuhhhhnnn!"

"It shouldn't take that long," Ian told him. Loki only sighed dramatically.

Now the women stood around waiting for the men to get back. Luckily, Jane had thought of the whole pajama thing back when they were still in the woman's section, as apposed to thinking of it right before they all got ready to go to bed.

Sif felt like her new wardrobe was going to look so boring compared to what she had back on Asgard. She had five maroon t-shirts and the only difference between them was that three had scoop necklines and two had v-necks. She had two pairs of the exact same black pants, three pairs of back shorts (also exactly the same) and she had a simple maroon dress for when it got "super-duper hot", as Jane put it. And she had two pairs of pajamas (which where basically a maroon tank top with black shorts).

With coupons, the total price wasn't bad at all.

_It's a good thing Darcy's paying for all her t-shirts_, Jane thought, _or we'd all be in debt!_

Jane was thankful that Eric and Ian had offered to pitch in (even though they didn't seem overly thrilled to do so). Jane was also very thankful that some smart, generous person had invented coupons.

"How long does it take for them to find pants! Honestly!" Darcy complained.

"Pants?" Sif replied, sounding confused, "I thought they were going to get sleepwear?"

"I doubt they'll wear tops in, like, five thousand degree weather!" Darcy exclaimed.

"Oh." Sif said flatly. She said it so flatly, in fact, that Darcy couldn't tell if she was disturbed,or just plain uninterested.

Finally, the men returned. Jane and Darcy calculated the total cost, Darcy ran and put back a Harley Quinn t-shirt, Eric and Ian checked to make sure their coupons hadn't expired yet and they all headed to the cash register of the lady who had been talking about cats before.

"Are you all together?" She asked, sounding a bit exasperated herself.

"Yup!" Jane exclaimed and the lady's drawn on eyebrows shot up under her bangs so that you practically couldn't see them.

"I'm separate!" Darcy called up from behind her pile of t-shirts.

"Thank goodness," Jane heard the lady mumble, though she wasn't sure if it was sarcastic or not.

The cashier lady scanned everything (there was so much to scan that her hand started to cramp by the last article of clothing).

"Your total is on the screen," The sales lady said, pointing to the very large number.

"Can I use my membership points?" Jane asked.

"Yes, and that brings the price down to-"

"We have coupons too!" Eric stated.

Jane, Ian and Eric dumped all of their coupons onto the counter. The lady sighed and scanned them all, looking very pained.

"And that," She said, pointing to the screen, "Is your FINAL total cost."

Jane, Ian and Eric all pulled out their wallets and got out their money.

"We're short!" Jane whispered

"What? By how much?" Darcy whispered back.

"Ten dollars." Jane whispered back.

(The cashier lady could hear this entire conversation, by the way. And it wasn't like they really had to whisper in the first place…)

"Ten dollars…" Darcy repeated, then caught Jane's eyes flash to her pile of t-shirts for a brief moment, "Oh fine, I'll put something back!"

The cashier lady already had her hand out to receive the t-shirts Darcy was going to put back.

"You done figuring everything out yet?" The cashier asked grumpily.

"Yes," Jane replied. The lady's tone of voice made her look back to see if they had made a line start but there was practically no one else in the store.

Finally they paid for all their items, and then Darcy paid for all of her remaining items. They grabbed all their bags and headed for the doors.

"Have a nice day!" Ian called back to the cashier as they left.

"I need some coffee," The lady muttered to herself.

* * *

**A/N:** Next chapter includes: Jealousy! Sandwiches! And more fun involving the van! Don't miss it!

And thanks to those who review! I'm talking to you **Steampunk Superhero**, **fan girl 666**, **thepheonixandthedragon4ever**, **LadyLokiOfBakerStreet** and **DGtnsl**! (And a guest named Bramley!)

Thanks to those who read and don't review! (But you should review... it's just right down there... just a click and some typing and another click and you're all set!) :)


	10. Peanut Butter Problem Time

A/N: And here's the chapter that comes after the last chapter! *gasp!* I know, crazy, right? Anyway, I hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel, or rights to Rachel Ray's cooking shows

* * *

During the drive home, Ian noticed that Darcy and Loki were chatting like life-long friends (with an occasional comment from Sif or Fandral). Ian frowned as he watched Darcy in the rearview mirror. She seemed very happy talking to Loki… did she like him better?

Eric glanced at Ian, then at the rearview mirror and said, "I'll straighten him out."

"What?!" Ian replied, startled at Eric's voice.

"Loki. I'll tell him to get lost-"

"No no! That's alright!" Ian replied, "They're just talking."

_Right?_ he thought.

"Well, son, you had better do something," Eric advised.

"Don't worry, I… will," Ian stated, just to make him feel better. He knew Eric had a major grudge against Loki ever since New York. That event had changed everyone, whether or not stye were an Avenger fighting the battle, a citizen in New York or a bloke watching the news coverage out in New Zealand. Ian knew that Eric had been under Loki's mind-control magic from the twenty-five times Eric had told him the story.

"Darcy won't stay free forever," Eric stated.

"Yeah…" Ian replied, "I've already asked her out…"

"Oh. Good!" Eric replied, seeming disappointed that he didn't get to yell at Loki.

Ian sighed, knowing he had just avoided starting another war between Eric and Loki.

Meanwhile, Loki and Darcy were **not** flirting! This is what Darcy and Loki were actually taking about:

"I do not understand," Loki said, "How can your hair die?"

"Dye, Loki! D-Y-E! Don't you people dye your clothes?" Darcy exclaimed

"The people do, yes. I never have." Loki smirked.

"Spoiled rich kid," Darcy shook her head.

"What are we talking about now?" Sif inquired.

"Fandral and I encountered quite the interesting young maiden at the store," Loki replied.

"Oh really?" Sif said, raising an eyebrow.

"That we did!" Fandral added.

"Yes," Loki responded, "She had on all black clothing, except her employee vest, mind you, she had metal stuck through her ear eyebrow and lip, she had black surrounding her eyes and bright pink hair."

"Oh my." Sif said.

"That's what I said," Loki smiled.

"And I was just explaining to him," Darcy said, "how people color their hair and get piercings."

"You have failed to explain the black surrounding her eyes," Loki retorted.

"Make-up," Sif shrugged simply.

"Yup." Darcy smiled.

Loki merely replied with, "Asgardian women don't usually put on that much make-up."

The van pulled into the drive way and everyone climbed put. They lugged all of their shopping bags into the house.

"Just put everything in the living room," Jane stated, "I'll cut the tags off tonight while I watch T.V. or something."

"I think we can manage to cut of these meager tags," Thor said.

"Yes, where do you keep your knives?" Fandral added.

"You don't need knives!" Jane replied quickly.

"Just scissors," Darcy said.

"'Scissors'? What are 'scissors'?" Sif asked.

Jane grabbed the scissors from a drawer in the kitchen and gave the Asgardians a Scissors 101 class.

"See. They can learn how to do stuff!" Darcy exclaimed as she and Jane walked into the kitchen, leaving Ian to supervise the scissor-weilding Asgardians.

"I never said they couldn't," Jane replied.

"Hey! I can teach them how to make sandwiches," Darcy said, "Then they can make their own lunches."

"Okay," Jane sighed, "Just make sure they don't get carried away…"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Darcy retorted, but Jane had already left the kitchen to go to the bathroom.

Eric entered, grabbed a newspaper and sat down to read at the kitchen table.

"Lunchtime, everyone!" Darcy called towards the living room.

Ian and the Asgardians plodded into the kitchen.

"Darcy-" Ian began.

"Intern! I must prepare for my sandwich making lesson!" Darcy exclaimed.

"I was just going to ask what was for lunch…" Ian mumbled.

"Gather round, everyone!" Darcy exclaimed.

The Asgardians formed a ling in front of Darcy and the counter.

"Okay, so, today I'm going to be teaching you all how to make a sandwich," Darcy said, "Um, Ian? I'm going to need you to be my assistant."

"Alright. But an assistant for making sandwiches?" Ian replied, walking over.

"I'm sure Rachel Ray's assistant doesn't complain when she makes sandwiches," Darcy retorted.

Ian opened his mouth to say something but Darcy cut him off.

"First step is to gather your materials."

Darcy went to the refrigerator and grabbed the bread, the peanut butter and the jelly. She walked back over to the counter and set down the ingredients. Jane re-entered the kitchen and shook her head at Darcy.

"This is bread," She said, holding it up.

"Wow, how new and exciting." Loki muttered sarcastically.

"This," Darcy said, ignoring him, "is peanut butter."

She held up the jar and-

"DON'T BRING THAT ANY CLOSER!" Loki stated firmly, backing away.

A moment of silence followed while everyone stared at Loki.

"Loki? Are… you gonna be alright?" Darcy asked, stepping back from the counter.

"I'm fine but…" Loki replied, "I just got this… intense feeling that I don't want… THAT anywhere near me. I don't know why, but…"

Jane suggested "Maybe you're allergic to peanut butter?"

"Possibly," Thor said, "We don't have this 'butter of peanuts' on Asgard."

"Well I guess peanut butter is Loki's Kryptonite," Darcy joked.

She and Ian chuckled. Loki narrowed his eyes at them. He had always hated being laughed at.

"Kryptonite?" Volstagg inquired.

"It's kind of a term for someone's weakness, because in… a story… this Superman guy is, um… allergic to Kryptonite, I guess," Jane tried explaining.

She got blank stares from the Asgardians.

"Superman is invincible," Ian tried, "He's king of like an immortal. Except Kryptonite is the only thing that can weaken him."

There was a collective "Ohhhh!" from the Asgardians.  
"So you're saying this… peanut butter will steal away my immortality?" Loki replied.

"Naw, you'll probably just break out in hives." Darcy said.

"Or worse!" Jane exclaimed, shooting Darcy an angry look.

They got rid if the peanut butter. From that day on, Jane never bought anything with nuts in it, just to be safe.

So they ended up learning how to make grilled cheese sandwiches instead.

"I hope nobody's lactose intolerant," Darcy muttered as they all began eating.

"Mmm! These are quite tasty!" Volstagg declared (with a mouthful).

"Everything is tasty to you," Sif muttered, taking a second bite.

"We'll have to teach all the chefs of Asgard how to make these!" Fandral declared.

"First you don't have peanut butter! Now you don''t have grilled cheese sandwiches?!" Darcy exclaimed, "I thought you guys were supposed to be more advanced than us!"

"We are," Loki chuckled.

"They're advanced in a more… Viking way, Darcy." Jane said.

"That made no sense," Darcy replied.

After lunch. Jane went to what she called her "work room", where all her scientifical, astrophysicist equipment was set up. Eric, Darcy and Ian joined her, leaving the Asgardians to entertain themselves. At first, they all stayed at the kitchen table, unsure of what to do.

"We could go for a walk?" Thor suggested.

"What is it with you and walking?" Loki grumbled.

"Why don't we fence?" Sif said, "Or practice our swordplay?"

"I don't think the mortals have any swords for us to play with," Loki stated.

"We could eat?" Volstagg said.

"We just did that, and you're the only one who's still hungry," Loki retorted.

"For Odin's sake, stop cutting down everyone's ideas, Loki!" Fandral exclaimed.

"Okay, well what is there for us to do?" Loki replied.

Jane walked into the kitchen at that moment to grab some paper towels.

"Not sure what to do?" She asked them.

"We are in a bit of a jam," Thor replied.

("Mm, jam," Volstagg murmured.)

"You could…read?" Jane suggested.

"I've had my fill of reading," Loki responded.

"You could wash the van." Jane retorted.

"That sounds interesting," Thor said, standing up with a joyful expression on his face, "I don't believe I've ever washed a van before. Or anything for that matter…"

"I have never washed anything before either!" Volstagg explained.

"Then why start now?!" Loki exclaimed.

"I'll go get Darcy to help you," Jane said, "She isn't doing anything right now except spilling her coffee."

Jane ripped off some more paper towel and hurried out of the room.

"Why are we performing mortal tasks again?" Loki asked.

"Because," Thor replied, "It will do us some good to get new experiences. And we owe Jane, she is letting us stay in her home."

"And we have nothing better to do," Fandral added.

Darcy walked into the kitchen with buckets, sponges and a bottle of soap in her hands.

"I hope you're all ready to get wet," She smiled.

* * *

A/N: Next chapter: Washing the van! (Which, of course, includes water fights and such!)

Please review and thanks to those who do!


	11. Darcy's Car Wash

A/N: Howdy y'all! I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's one of my favorites- eh, who am I kidding?! They're all my favorites!

Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel or their stuff

* * *

Charlotte Ruggles was at her vanity, putting on ample amounts of beauty products, as usual. And just as usual, Charlotte happened to see her next door neighbor walk out their front door. Now, you might be thinking, "Well, geez, that's so unusual". But Charlotte happened to have Jane Foster and Darcy Lewis for neighbors, and how could that not be unusual?

Charlotte, the town snob/gossip ever since she moved there from who knows where, grabbed her cell phone and hit speed dial button number 1. Speed dial button number 1 was for Roxana Jekyll, the town's second biggest snob/gossip.

"Charlotte, is that you?"

"Hey Roxie!" Charlotte exclaimed, "Guess what Ah'm watchin' out my side windah?"

"Oh my gosh. What are those lunatics doing now?" Roxana said.

"Darcy is luggin', like, five million buckets, twenty million sponges an' a thing of soap out the front doahr!" Charlotte exclaimed.

"Ha! That must be the funniest thing ever!" Roxana crowed.

"Oh, and those wei-ahrd people are followin' her out the doahr," Charlotte added, "Ah wonda who they ahr?"

Meanwhile, Darcy and her Asgardian companions walked around to the side house of the house where the van was (and where Charlotte couldn't spy on them).

"Okay," Darcy said to the five Asgardians, "So now all we need to do is pour soap into each of these buckets, fill them with water, and then just scrub the van."

"With…?" Loki asked.

"The sponges," Darcy replied, holding up a sponge.

"Oh yes, I've heard of these 'sponges' before," Loki joked, "I've never actually held one before…"

"I will go fill the buckets," Thor said, "Where is your well, Darcy?"

"We gotta hose," Darcy replied, "Watch this."

She squirted some soap into one of the buckets.

"Amazing." Loki said in fake awe.

Darcy picked up a green, coiled thing from the ground. She set the hose to 'light mist', pulled the trigger and sprayed Loki.

"Ah!" Loki exclaimed in surprise.

Darcy stopped spraying Loki and said, "This is a hose. It moves water from a source, like a well, to… uh, the end of the hose. Then it sprays the water, as I have just demonstrated, and voila! Water! We will be using this to fill the buckets and rinse the soapy water off of the van. You will get wet. Jut make sure you get the inside of the van wet, too."

Darcy put soap in all the buckets, then filled them with water from the hose, creating bubbly, soapy water that's great for washing cars with.

She distributed sponges and said, "Dive in."

The Asgardians hesitantly dunked their sponges into the buckets- except Thor, who seemed to being very, very excited.

"Ugh, it's all… soapy," Sif stated.

"Sif, are you being squeamish?" Fandral teased.

Darcy went to scrub the front of the van, as Fandral and Volstagg went around to work to the rear. Sif and Thor went to clean the van's left side, and Loki was left to clean the right side on his own. (Which he didn't mind. He felt that he worked better alone anyways. Other people would just cramp his style).

Darcy got a lot of water in her sponge. Then she simultaneously squeezed the sponge and swung it towards the van's front. The soapy water soared out of the sponge and…

"AH!" Darcy heard Fandral exclaimed from the back of the van.

She had missed the van, but she hadn't missed Fandral.

"Sorry Fandral!" Darcy exclaimed, then got a face full of soapy water, "I'm gonna pretend you didn't do that. But next time…"

Loki peered through the windows of the van and saw Sif and Thor happily chatting and scrubbing the doors on the opposite side of the van. Loki picked up the hose, and pretended to spraying off his soapy door. But 'by accident' he sprayed over the roof of the van and soaked both Thor and Sif.

He heard them exclaim in shock and smiled to himself.

Loki turned off the hose and went back to scrubbing. Sif peered throughout the windows to see Loki on the side where the water had come from. She picked up her bucket and whispered to Thor, "Thor-psst!- pick me up!"

Thor looked throughout the window and smiled.

Sif, now able to see over the roof of the van, angled her bucket and tossed her water onto Loki. He had been "innocently" bent over his bucket when suddenly, he was drenched with soapy water. He smirked, loaded his sponge with water and preformed the same "water tossing" move Darcy had done with her sponge.

Sif sputtered as soapy water ran down her face.

"You got soap _in my mouth_!" She yelled at Loki, and Thor lowered her back down to safety.

"You got soap_ all over me_!" Loki replied with a laugh.

Suddenly, Darcy screamed as she was soaked by the hose.

"Sorry!" Fandral cried out form the back. He sounded more like he was laughing than apologizing, though. Volstagg was laughing along with him.

Darcy merely wipe the water from her face, muttered something under her breath and went back to work.

Meanwhile, Thor was scrubbing a particularly grimy-looking spot on the van's window. But the spot didn't want to come off. Thor scrubbed at it again. And again. It remained on the window. Thor growled as he heard a knocking noise.

From the other side of the windows, Loki mouthed, "You missed a spot!"

"Yes, I can see that!" yelled Thor, not bothering to mouth out his message and scrubbing ferociously at the spot.

"Try more soap!" Loki mouthed, pretending to look concerned.

Realization hit Thor. "Loki! Take away the magical spot or else!"

Loki laughed as the spot disappeared. "You must admit that was a clever trick!"

Thor growled again and went back to cleaning as Sif went around to Loki's side of the van. She had to get some water form his bucket… since she had emptied her's out onto him.

"Got any extra-" Sif started to say, before Volstagg threw his sponge at her. He had meant for it to hit Loki (who had just "accidentally" sprayed him with the hose moments ago). But just as Volstagg threw the sponge, Loki had knelt down to clean the tires and the sponge ended up hitting Sif in the face. It fell to the ground, revealing Sif's enraged visage.

Volstagg looked shocked at first, then he and Fandral started laughing hysterically. Sif grabbed Volstagg's sponge off the ground and whipped it back at him. Unfortunately, Loki chose this time to stand up and the sponge hit him right in the side of the face.

"Whoops," Sif muttered before Loki grabbed his bucket and emptied it over her head.

This only made Fandral and Volstagg laugh harder, which made Sif grab the hose from the ground and soak the both of them.

"Hey guys?" Darcy called out.

They all turned to stare at her in frozen battle poses. The hose turned off.

"Not to be a party crasher, but you're wasting a ton of water and we kind of have to pay for it…" Darcy stated.

"Oh…" They all replied.

"Sorry," Sif added.

"It's fine but maybe you could just wait until we;re all done?" Darcy replied, "Then we can fight with whatever water's left."

The Asgardians returned to work, Loki refilling his bucket with water and Volstagg reclaiming his sponge.

Now, Darcy ran back into the house to grab some paper towels. Thor was still on the van's left side, Fandral and Volstagg remained at the rear, and Sif joined Loki on the right side.

"I guess we're even now," Loki said, regarding Sif' dripping clothes and soaked hair, as well as his own.

"I guess so," Sif laughed, "Except you didn't get a mouthful of soapy water."

"Well Darcy said we can't waste anymore water," Loki smiled.

"I don't think exacting my revenge would be a waste of water,"Sif smirked evilly.

"I'm not sure I like that tone in your voice just now," Loki replied.

There was a moment of silence. Sif remembered what Jane had said in the clothing store, "Loki seems interested in you. I've seen him looking at you." Sif still wasn't sure how she felt about Loki right now. Sure, they had been friends for a long, long time… before he betrayed everyone. And yes he had come back to their side and help save the day during the Alignment… before he faked his death, caused a lot of people to be really sad, imprisoned Odin and took over Asgard. It was things like that that made Sif have a hard time deciding how she felt about Loki.

"Sif?"

She jumped at Loki's voice, "Oh! Um, yes?"

"You missed a spot," Loki stated.

"That won't work twice-" Sif began.

"No, I'm serious!" Loki exclaimed, "It's right there!"

"Where?"

"There!" Loki exclaimed, pointing to an actual spot on the window. (Really, it was a genuine dirt spot).

"Oh," Sif scrubbed at the spot, "There. Better?"

"Oh, and there," Loki added, pointing to a spot closer to himself.

Sif huffed and moved over to scrub it off.

"Okay, there you go-" Sif began.

"And here!" Loki added, pointing to a spot even closer to himself.

"For Odin's sake," Sif grumbled under her breath. She moved over to the spot, viciously scrubbed it, turned to Loki and exclaimed, "There! Happy? Or have I missed a spot…?"

Sif suddenly realized how close she had moved to Loki. They were only about six inches apart. Loki smiled and opened his mouth to say something…

When they were very suddenly almost drowned in water.

"Whoa!" They heard Thor shout from the other side, "Sorry! Did I get anyone?"

"Yes!" Sif and Loki both answered angrily.

"And just when our clothes had started drying," Loki joked.

Sif smiled, but moved away from Loki to clean the tires. She could still feel herself blushing from being so close to him… which only made her even more confused about how she felt for him.

"Men," she grumbled to herself.

Meanwhile Darcy was inside, trying to locate the paper towels, which she thought had been in the kitchen closet, but apparently someone had decided to hide them from her. Ian walked into the kitchen to find Darcy angrily rummaging throughout the kitchen closet.

"Hey, Darcy," he said uncertainly, "How's the car wash going?"

"Not good enough to start a business," She replied, not even turning to loo at him, "But good enough for the Asgardians."

"Heh heh… right," Ian replied awkwardly, "Uh, what are you looking for?

"The paper…" Darcy turned to look at Ian, "…towels."

Ian was holding the paper towel role.

"Uh, sorry," He said.

"It's not you're fault," Darcy sighed, "Thanks."

He handed them to her, "There you are."

"How's science?" Darcy asked.

"Science is being a bot stubborn right now," Ian replied.

"Do you guys need my help?" Darcy asked.

"No. No offense! You'd better supervise the Asgardians anyways," Ian stated.

"Eh, they're not armed, so everything's pretty chill… unless you count buckets, water, soap and sponges as weapons," Darcy replied.

Ian laughed, "Well, I suppose I had better get back to science."

"Yep," Darcy responded. She was, admittedly, disappointed that her relationship with Ian wasn't going very far. She did remember that they were going on a date, but they hadn't actually talked about it since the shopping trip-

"Oh, Darcy?" Ian called back from down the hall, "Do you want to go to the cafe tomorrow morning?"

"Okay!" She called back.

Apparently, timing was everything.

* * *

A/N: Next chapter: Pizza and the Second Test!

Thanks for reading and please review!

P.S. If anyone knows anyone named Charlotte Ruggles or a Roxana Jekyll, _please tell me! _I would admittedly find it so funny... and by that way, if YOU are a Charlotte or a Roxana, please know that I don't **in any way** think you are the town snob/gossip!


	12. Pizza Pizza Pizza! Pizza Pizza Pizza!

A/N: Okay, this chapter is really kinda long, so if you have to go someplace in 5 minutes... I suggest waiting to read this chapter later. And I just want to thank all you avid reviewers, I love hearing from you! (You're going to be happy this chapter, thepheonixandthedragon4ever)

Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, To Catch a Thief, or James Bond

* * *

Soon the Asgardians and Darcy finished washing the car and began having a left-over-water fight. T'was a long battle, too lengthy to completely retell, but I shall summarize. In the beginning, it was decided that Darcy and Sif were on one team against Loki, Thor, Fandral and Volstagg on the other team. After a while, though, it became every man (or woman) for themselves and the whole thing turned into a free-for-all.

Notable events included Sif whapping Fandral over the head a couple hundred times with her sponge until he threw a bucket at her (not water from the bucket, he threw the actual bucket… by accident, really) Loki taking off his shirt and somehow using it to slingshot sponges at everyone, Volstagg slipping on a sponge and landing on the hose, therefore turning it on and spraying everyone's feet, Thor miraculously dodging a sponge attack from both Darcy and Loki, but then tripping and falling over the fence backwards (and breaking it in the process).

Finally, it was about dinner time and the all six of them trudged inside to change into dry clothing. Then Darcy went into the kitchen to start cooking dinner.

Except there was one problem- Darcy couldn't cook.

"Hey Sif?" Darcy called out as the Asgardians all walked through the kitchen into the living room.

"Yes Darcy?" Sif replied, walking over to her.

"Can you cook?" Darcy asked.

"Well… no." Sif responded, looking slightly embarrassed, since she realized that cooking was a life skill that she had never acquired.

"Hey! Can any of you guys cook?" Darcy called to the Asgardian men in the living room.

"HA! Them cook? That's funny!" Sif cried.

"Well!" They heard Volstagg exclaimed offendedly.

"Okay," Darcy stated, assessing the situation, "So if you can't cook, and I can't cook and they can't cook, then we're going to have to force Jane to make dinner."

"I'll go fetch her," Sif said.

She ran through the living room to go and get Jane, who was still in the work room. The work room has down the hall that was adjacent to the living room. As she ran through, Sif slipped on a rug behind one of the couches that Fandral sat on and sprawled onto the floor with a, "WHAH!"

"Sif?!" Everyone exclaimed in shock and concern as they turned to look where she had fallen.

"Ouuuuuch," they heard come from behind the couch.

"Sif are you alright?" Fandral exclaimed in genuine concern.

"Yes, I'm fine," She said, standing up and quickly exiting the room, but not before Loki glimpsed what he thought were tears welling up in her eyes. He went to go after her, but Thor, who had also noticed her pain, shot Loki a look that said, "Don't. She's fine and she'll be more embarrassed if you go after her." Loki nodded slightly in understanding.

Sif composed herself in the hall. She hoped no one had noticed her getting teary. Being mortal, the fall had hurt her more than it would have on any normal day in Asgard. She hadn't scraped her knees or her elbows, thankfully, because she didn't want anyone to know she had been injured by the slightest fall.

By this time, Sif had reached the work room. As she walked in, Sif was stunned by all the strange and amazing looking equipment that cluttered the tables and filled the room. She had thought mortals were stupid at one point in her life (probably during the teenage years, when all teens think they're better, smarter and cooler than everybody else). But Sif had discovered by now that some mortals were very, very intelligent. She supposed there were simpletons and geniuses of every species, though.

"Jane?" Sif called out. She could hear people talking but couldn't see anyone because if the mountains of equipment.

"Yes?" Jane asked, walking around a monumental-looking machine.

"We… Darcy needs you to cook dinner," Sif stated.

"Well tell Darcy that we're busy and she can order pizza," Jane retorted.

"Okay! Pizzas, got it!" Sif said, repeating the word to remember it, seeming as she had no idea what pizza happened to be.

She ran back to the living room, where Darcy was showing the Asgardian guys how the T.V. worked, explaining in such great detail so that they actually knew that there weren't "shrunken people" or "faeries" in the "box" (as Volstagg first thought it to be).

"See?" Darcy was saying, "It's that simple."

"So they record those people, real life people, and then shrink the recording to fit the screen?" Fandral asked.

"Yeah! Or, you know, something like that," Darcy replied, "Hey Sif. Where's Jane?"

"She said, and I quote,'Well tell Darcy that we're busy and she can order pizza'," Sif stated.

"Well then!" Darcy exclaimed, "I guess whatever 'Queen Jane' says is law these days!"

"I don't care for when you speak of Jane like that, Darcy." Thor stated.

"Oh, sorry… It's just that, sometimes, she can be so… bossy," Darcy replied, "I'll be right back."

Darcy walked over to the home phone, which was an actual, authentic, touch-tone phone, complete with answering machine. As she called the pizzeria that was just down the street, the Asgardians wondered what this 'pizza' could be.

"What is pizza?" Fandral asked Sif.

"I haven't the faintest idea," Sif shrugged, "Jane merely told me to tell Darcy to order some."

"So we can assume that it's food of some sort." Volstagg said.

"I don't recall if I ever ate pizza or not," Thor murmured, "I might have when I was banished… the first time…"

"You'd think that you would remember if you ate or not!" Volstagg exclaimed.

"No! I remember that I ate!" Thor replied, "I just can't recall WHAT I ate!"

"I suppose we'll soon find out," Sif interjected, as Darcy returned.

"It'll be a couple minutes," Darcy explained, "See, I order the pizzas, the people at the pizzeria make the pizzas and then I drive over and pick them up."

"What is this 'pizza' exactly?" Fandral inquired.

"Well, it's a circle of dough with tomato sauce and cheese on top. You can add other things to the top, like peppers, olives, different meats, etcetera… and the circle is cut into triangles, like a pie," Darcy replied, "Do you guys have pie were you're from?"

"Of course we do," Loki stated, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Darcy shot Loki a look as Volstagg said, "Interesting… what does it taste like? The cheese, the dough or the tomato sauce?"

"Um… all of them at once?" Darcy replied uncertainly, "I've never really thought about it before. I guess you'll just have to wait and see. Speaking of waiting," she looked at her watch, "Time for me to head out. Anyone want to come?"

"Where are you going?" Fandral asked.

"To the pizzeria, remember?" Darcy stated, "I have to go get the pizzas."

"Riiiiiiiiight," Fandral muttered.

"I shall accompany you, Darcy," Thor said.

"I should wait here," Volstagg murmured, "You know, so I don't eat all the pizza ahead of time."

"Oh, I guess I'll come too," Loki sighed, "Might as well stretch my legs."

"I'll stay to make sure Volstagg does not raid your food supply," Fandral laughed.

"I wouldn't do such a thing!" Volstagg retorted.

"You would too!" Fandral replied.

"No, I would not!" Volstagg stated.

Sif looked at Darcy, Thor and Loki, "I'm coming with you three!"

"Alright!" Darcy said, grabbing the car keys from their spot on the living room bookcase, "Let's go."

Thor, Loki and Sif followed Darcy out to the still-drying, very shiny van. Darcy jumped into the driver's seat, while Thor, Loki and Sif sat in the back seats, in that order.

"The pizza gets to ride shotgun," Darcy smiled.

"Pardon?" Loki said.

"Oh… the seat next to the driver's seat is sometimes called 'shotgun'," Darcy explained.

She started up the van an pulled out of the driveway.

"It's very hot in here," Sif stated.

"I'll crack to windows," Darcy replied.

"What? Shouldn't you just open them?" Sif exclaimed.

"That's what I meant…" Darcy responded, pushing the buttons to open the windows.

Sif turned her head towards the window and let the breeze blow in her face. She closed her eye, remembering what it felt like to ride a horse really, really fast and realizing that the breeze in her now was quite similar to that.

Loki looked over at Sif. Thor glanced over to see Loki staring at Sif. Darcy glanced in the rearview mirror and saw Thor seeing Loki staring at Sif. Darcy shook her head and turned her attention back to the road. The last thing she wanted to do was get them into an accident because she was too busy watching everyone in the back of her car. She pulled into the small parking lot of Nelson's Pizzeria.

"Alright, here we are!" Darcy stated, "Hey wait a minute! You guys didn't remember to bring your disguises with you by any chance… did you?"

She turned around in her seat. The Asgardians weren't wearing any incognito sunglasses or anything.

"Oh well. I guess the people of Puente Antiguo will have to get used to your being here anyway." She shrugged, and they all hopped out of the van.

They walked into the small building that was Nelson's Pizzeria. The Asgardians followed Darcy up to the front counter. One of the cooks, named Emmet, glanced up to see them, closed the oven and walked over.

"Hi Darcy." He said, "What number are you?"

"Seventy-five, Emmet," Darcy replied.

"It'll be just a couple of minutes," Emmet responded and headed back to the ovens.

Suddenly, a man came into the pizzeria and rudely cut Darcy in the line in front of the counter.

"Excuse me," Thor said, "But we were here first, Sir."

"I haven't ordered yet," The man stated bluntly, "You have."

He turned around and stood there. Thor clenched his fists angrily.

_Oh no_, Loki thought, _There goes Thor's temper._

"You see here!" Thor said, a small hint of anger in his voice as the man turned, "It is only fair that we be in front of you. We arrived first."  
"Tough luck, life isn't always fair," The man snarked, "And besides, what're you going to do about? Pick me up and toss me aside?"

Sif glanced nervously at Loki. She knew Thor wouldn't hold out much longer.

He said, "I could if I wanted to. But I did not come here to start a fight with a petty mortal. So I'll ask again: Will you please step aside?"

Darcy watched in awe as the men stared each other down, and then, surprisingly, the man stomped out of the pizzeria. And vanished into thin air.

"Pesky mortals." Loki muttered.

"Do you guys even know who that was?!" Darcy whisper-exclaimed.

They all shook their heads.

"It was someone who can magically disappear into thin air…" Darcy said.

Loki took this golden opportunity to 'repay' Thor.

"I'll bet it was Father!" Loki exclaimed, imitating Thor, "You passed the first challenge my brother! Congratulations!"

He clapped Thor on the back as hard as he possibly could. Thor just looked annoyed.

Having miss-overheard Loki's exclamation, Emmet the cook asked, "You're a father? Congratulations! Is it a boy or a girl?"

"No, no! You've made a mistake-" Thor began to explain.

"A father?" The other cook named Penelope cried, "And which of you lucky ladies is the mother?"

"ER…" Darcy and Sif both exclaimed.

"NO! He said 'I'LL BET IT WAS FATHER!" Thor exclaimed, "He mistook someone for MY father!"

Luckily at this point, another chef, who was Nelson himself, came up to the counter with three pizza boxes and asked hesitantly, "Number seventy-five?"

"Yup, that's us…" Darcy replied awkwardly.

"I am sorry for causing a disturbance, Son of Nel," Thor stated.

"Um… okay," Nelson replied.

Darcy paid for the pizzas quickly and hurried them out to the van. They all got in and buckled up, Darcy setting the pizzas on the seat next to her's.

"Wow, what a day!" Loki exclaimed with fake excitement, "Two Odin-sightings already! Better watch out, Sif!"

"Oh, ha ha," She smiled, "Darcy how do I make the window open itself?"

"Press that downward-pointing arrow button on your door," Darcy instructed.

Sif pressed it once. The window opened a teeny bit.

"Try holding it down," Loki whispered.

"I was going to try that," Sif lied.

"Uh-huh, sure," Loki muttered.

"Well I must say," Thor said, "Those pizzas smell very good."

"I know, they're making me so hungry!" Darcy complained, and then said, "I wonder if Jane will still want to do pizza-and-a-movie-night tonight?"

"A movie… that's one of those moving pictures you were telling is about, right?" Loki asked.

"Uh-huh," Darcy replied, "We'll have to show you guys a classic… I know! Like _Gentlemen Prefer Blondes_ or maybe _To Catch a Thief_!"

"Those are interesting titles," Thor said, "Though the first one is not entirely true."

Loki nodded in agreement with Thor.

"Yeah I can relate to that," Darcy smirked.

"As can I," Sif laughed.

"Well anyways, it's just a title," Darcy stated, "The movie's pretty good, but I prefer _To Catch a Thief_, myself. Well, now that I think about it, I'd rather watch one of the first James Bond films."

"Who is James Bond?" Sif inquired.

"Only 'the most extraordinary gentleman spy in all fiction'." Darcy replied with dramatic flair.

Loki scoffed, "But he's fictional."

"Yeah, a lot of movies are fictional," Darcy stated, "Except documentaries."

"What is a documentary?" Thor asked.

"Trust me," Darcy said, "You don't want to know."

Soon they arrived back at the house, and Thor volunteered to carry the pizzas into the house.

"I can defend the pizza from Volstagg better than you," He had joked.

As they walked inside, Darcy screamed, "DINNER HAS ARRIVED! IT'S TIME TO EAT!"

"Where would you like these?" Thor asked her.

"Put them on the kitchen counter, please," Darcy replied, "Thanks!"

"Finally!" Volstagg exclaimed as they walked into the kitchen. He and Fandral were sitting at the table, "What took you so long?!"

"We had a visit from the Allfather," Sif replied.

"It was middy… hilarious!" Loki laughed, "He tired to get Thor angry by-"

"Enough of this dull talk!" Thor exclaimed, "Let us eat!"

Jane, Ian and Eric walked into the kitchen looking tired.

"What happened?" Darcy asked.

"Science," Jane replied, "Science happened."

"O-kay…" Darcy responded.

They all got out plates, napkins and cups for everyone.

"What beverages are you offering this evening?" Fandral inquired.

"Good question." Jane asked, opening the refrigerator, "We have soda, iced tea, lemonade, orate juice, water…milk…"

"What is this 'soda'?" Sif asked curiously.

"It's like super bubbly, flavored water," Jane replied.

"Oh, so like sparkling cider?" Sif said.

"Except it's really unhealthy," Darcy scoffed.

"Oh…eh, I'll try it anyway," Sif shrugged, "Just as a one-time thing."

Jane passed her a can of soda. As Jane helped the other Asgardians select their drinks, Sif got a knife from the drawer and, holding the can above her glass, stabbed the knife it the can.

"Um…!" Ian exclaimed.

"Sorry! Is that not how you open it?" Sif asked sheepishly.

"Not usually…" Ian replied, watching the soda pour from the hole and into Sif's cup.

Once everyone else had gotten their beverages, and picked out their pizza, the group headed into the living room. Ian had to go and grab some extra chairs from the kitchen, seeming as everyone couldn't fit onto the couches.

"So," Darcy said when everyone was settled, "I thought we'd show them a classic movie."

"Such as…?" Jane asked.

"James Bond-"

"I'm not sure that's such a good idea," Jane replied.

"You just want to watch _Gentlemen Prefer Blondes_!" Darcy exclaimed, "And it's a romance movie too!"

"It's a romance/comedy/mystery!" Jane stated.

"There's romance and mystery in James Bond, too!" Darcy retorted.

"Fine!" Jane exclaimed and then smiled, "We can watch that tomorrow night with re-heated pizza."

"What- hey, no fair!" Darcy frowned.

It turned out that the Asgardians greatly enjoyed their pizza and their soda. They had a hard time following the movie at first. But eventually they were able to grasp what was going on.

"Why do they sing so much?" Loki groaned during one of the songs.

"Because they can." Darcy muttered back.

"I can see that they _can_ sing," Loki said, "But why do they _have_ to sing?"

"Because it's their job!" Jane exclaimed, "Maybe if you'd pay attention, you've have heard that!"

Loki frowned and muttered something under his breath.

After a while they got to the scene where the detective man and the woman named Dorothy kissed. Sif scrunched up her nose, not because she was disgusted but because her romance life basically did not exist and these had known each other for, like, five days, and yet there they were, kissing like they were already married! Sif's first crush, Thor, she had known her whole life and he hadn't ever shown the slightest interest in her. Sif learned quickly that movie romance isn't always very realistic. Which just made her frustrated.

Thor put his arm around Jane's shoulders and she reached up to hold his hand.

Sif was, admittedly, kind of jealous. And still frustrated. Ian was holding hands with Darcy now. Sif was going to lose it soon form all of this romance, real or cinematic!

Then, in the movie, Dorothy and her friend Lorelei discovered that the detective man Dorothy had kissed was a spy and a traitor.  
Sif scoffed and everyone looked at her like she was sick. Fortunately she was able to turn her scoff into a fit of coughing and everyone stopped glaring at her.

About an hour later, the movie ended and everyone had finished their dinner.

"So, how was it?" Jane asked.

"Too…" Loki searched for the right words, "Well let's just say there was too much singing, I didn't understand the romance and the ending was cheesy."

"Well!" Jane said, "Anyone else?"

"I particularly liked the two main characters. You know, the two women," Fandral smiled.

"I didn't," Sif declared, "They dressed too scantily, and the I did not like how the blonde acted as though she tried to be dumb."

"The pizza was delicious!" Volstagg exclaimed, "My compliments to the chef!"

"I, for one, agree," Thor chuckled.

"I could live on pizza," Darcy murmured, but then said, "Nah, after a while it would start getting really gross…"

"Yes, you'd be very… unhealthy," Jane stated.

They all went into the kitchen and cleaned their dishes. Then, the Asgardians went one-by-one to use the bathroom and change into their sleepwear. Once they were all dressed in their pajamas, Jane walked them to the hall where the ladder and the trapdoor were located.

"I'm going to have to lock you out, so that no unwanted things or people can get in," Jane explained, "But I'll hide this extra key outside so you'll be able to get in."

"Where will you hide it?" Fandral inquired.

"We can put it on the base of the roof sign," Jane said and then handed the key to Thor, "Here, you can take this up with you."

"Right," Thor replied, "Good night, Jane."

The other Asgardians hastily muttered 'good night' to Jane and shimmied up the ladder so that the couple could kiss good night in private.

_I doubt any of us will get a lot of privacy anymore_, Sif thought as she climbed the ladder.

"Sif…" Fandral said as she got onto the roof, "What are you wearing?"

"Clothes, Fandral." Sif exclaimed, "I am wearing clothes."

"Yes, well, I can see that," He replied, "But aren't those shorts a bit, well, short?"

Sif's pajama shorts weren't at all short compared to girl's short-shorts these days. But to the Asgardians, whose women never usually showed their legs, Sif's just-above-the-knee shorts were almost risqué.

"They're my pajamas, Fandral," Sif retorted, "And trust me, these are much better than the rest of the sleepwear we saw. I guess women here wear short things like this to bed."

"Speaking of which," Loki said, "It appears that we have beds now."

"Looks like Darcy and Ian were able to the lawn chairs," Thor said, coming up the ladder.

They all went to the same spot that they slept in last night, Loki on the far left, then Sif, Fandral, Volstagg and Thor on the far right. Except now they all had lawn chairs to sleep on.

"Goooooooood night everyone!" Loki said once everyone had gotten comfortable on their respective lawn chairs.

"Good night. See you all in the morning," Sif said.

"…night…" Fandral muttered, already half-asleep.

"Good night all!" Volstagg replied.

"Sleep well, everyone," Thor said.

"My neighbors are so strange," Charlotte Ruggles muttered to herself as she closed her curtains.

* * *

A/N: Next chapter includes: A call from Nick Fury! What could it be about?!Find out next chapter!  
Please review! I love to hear your thoughts, they matter to me!

P.S. I'm so very glad this fanfic makes people smile and makes them happy! That makes me happy, too! :D


	13. So Call Me, Fury!

A/N: Ahh! It's been a while since I updated, for which I apologize. But I'd also like to thank all of you out there who have been continuously reading and reviewing! You guys rule! :D

**IMPORTANT NOTE: This fic was written before the events of Captain America 2 (Winter Soldier)! Therefore: SHIELD still exists! If you're reading this, thank you, because now you won't write silly reviews and be all like, "SHIELD? They don't exist anymore! Blah blah blah!" Thank you, that is all. -SH101**

Disclaimer: I obviously don't own Marvel, or their characters, etc...

* * *

Sif was the first to wake up the next morning. She groaned, because it already felt like it was about 100℉ outside. (Of course, it wasn't actually 100℉. That's insane!). She yawned and sat up in her… lawn chair. It was going to take her a while to get used to not waking up in her fluffy bed on Asgard. She glanced around and noticed that she was, in fact, the first one up.

"Looks like you were right, Darcy." Sif said to herself.

Indeed, all the men were topless. Sif didn't blame them, it was so incredibly hot out. Then she began feeling real awkward, firstly because she was watching them while they were asleep and secondly because they were all topless.

Sif stretched and stood up, yawning slightly again. Fandral groaned in his sleep and startled her. She considered punching him in the stomach again but decided against it. What if the Allfather was watching her right now? Punching a deeply sleeping Fandral probably wouldn't prove her to be worthy of returning to Asgard.

She let herself inside and went to the small guest which Jane had turned into the Asgardians' closet. Sif made her way around to the curtain rod that now acted as her clothing rack. Volstagg's clothes were neatly piled on a nearby desk, Fandral's wardrobe was draped over the full-length mirror, Thor had his clothing stacked (not-so-neatly) on the previously-empty shelves of a bookcase and Loki's garments were hanging off the chandelier-like ceiling lamp.

Sif slid her clothes down the 'rack' one hanger at a time and eventually came to her dress. She pulled it off the hanger and went over to the mirror. She pushed Fandral's clothes off the mirror and held the frock up to herself. Sif shrugged and went to exit the 'closet', and then go to the bathroom to change. She bumped into Loki on her way out (but not literally).

"Good morning Sif," He greeted her.

"Good morning," She responded, "Very warm out today, isn't it?"

"Indeed it is." Loki replied with a smile.

She went off to the bathroom and he entered the closet. After she changed, she went to put her pajamas back in the closet, and Loki was headed to the bathroom to change. Next Sif headed for the kitchen for breakfast. Jane was already standing at the oven and as she opened it, a warm, pleasant smell wafted out. It smelt like cinnamon, but Sif wasn't sure.

"Morning!" Jane said, taking a tray out of the oven and placing it on the counter.

"Good morning, Jane," Sif replied, "Might I inquire as to what those are?"

"These are cinnamon buns," Jane stated, "They're like a breakfast slash snack kind of food."

"Ah! I knew I smelt cinnamon," Sif responded with a triumphant smile.

"I see you're wearing your dress," Jane commented, "It looks nice!"

"Thank you! It's very warm out today," Sif said.

"I know, and it's only going to keep getting warmer!" Jane exclaimed.

"Oh dear," Loki said, entering the kitchen, "That doesn't sound like fun."

"Well!" Volstagg exclaimed, announcing his entrance, "Something smells good!"

Darcy walked in with Thor, who retorted, "Any type of food smells good to you, my friend."

"Well…." Volstagg began, then said, "…True!"

"Yay! Cinnamon buns! I loooooove cinnamon buns!" Darcy stated.

"You love what?" Fandral asked, entering the kitchen and yawning.

"Cinnamon buns!" Darcy exclaimed, gesturing to the tray of pastries like she was presenting an award.

"I think we have enough for everyone…" Jane stated, "Well, as long as Darcy doesn't take seconds."

"I would never!" Darcy protested, pretending she was offended.

"Uh-huh. Sure…"Jane replied as Ian walked in.

"Good- yaaaaawn- morning everyone," He said sleepily.

"Morning all," Eric muttered as he walked in and over to the coffee machine.

"So how good are the cinnamon buns?" Sif asked.

"On a scale of 1 (really bad) to ten (super-duper good)," Darcy stated, "Cinnamon buns are like a 500."

"Wow." Sif replied, "They have a lot to live up to now."

"Well their aroma is making me starve!" Volstagg exclaimed, "Let us eat!"

So they all grabbed a plate, a cinnamon bun, a fork and whatever it was that they felt like drinking that morning (most of them had water. I mean, orange juice and cinnamon bun doesn't sound so good). The mortals and the Asgardians all sat down at the table, and Jane passed around the little package of frosting to glaze the cinnamon buns with.

"Mmmmm!" Volstagg exclaimed after the first bite, "This is amazing!"

"Why don't we have these?" Fandral asked no one in particular.

"Told you they were good," Darcy stated.

They ate in silence until, quite suddenly, the home phone that sat on the coffee table behind Loki started ringing.

"What IS that?" Loki asked, turning to glare at the device.

"It's a phone, we use it to communicate over long distances." Jane explained, "Pick it up and press the green button."

Loki did as he was instructed and said to the phone,"Good morning, you are communicating with the residence of Dr. Jane Foster (middle name unknown). Dr. Jane Foster is eating breakfast as I speak and is currently unable to communicate with you."

"Who—?!" The other person began.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't finished. I was just catching a breath," Loki cut in, "But if you would be so considerate as to call back in a half hour or so to let Dr. Jane Foster finish eating and consequentially digesting her breakfast, it would be much appreciated by aforementioned Dr. Jane Foster. Thank you."

With that, Loki put the phone back down. The other Asgardians continued eating as if that had been the most normal way to respond to a phone call. The humans, however, were all giving Loki very strange looks.

"What?" He asked.

"Well? Who was calling?" Jane retorted.

"How should I know?" Loki replied.

"I thought they might have told you!" Jane exclaimed.

"No, they didn't say anything," Loki stated, "Except once they said, 'who', but that was all."

The phone started ringing again.

"I'LL get it!" Jane said firmly.

Loki raised his hands in mock surrender as Jane got up and walked over to pick up the phone.

"Hello?" She said.

"Dr. Foster? The is Director Fury of SHIELD," came the response, "I was calling to talk to Dr. Selvig, but I got someone else…"

"Yeeeaaah, that was Loki…" Jane started.

"Loki?!" Fury exclaimed,"I'm not sure I quite understand."

"Oh, it's a long story," Jane began to say.

"I'd like to hear it." Fury stated firmly.

"O-kay… Well, I'm sure you heard what happened during the Alignment?" Jane said.

"Of course we did," Fury responded.

"Of course you did," Jane muttered.

"I heard you even got to take a trip to Asgard," Fury said.

"Yeah… and the Thor and some of the other Asgardians had to commit treason to get me off of Asgard," Jane replied.

"I heard that too," Fury replied, "Our sources say that Loki died after Thor attempted to destroy the Aether."

"He faked it," Jane stated.

"Figures," Fury muttered.

"And then he took Odin prisoner and disguised himself as Odin and pardoned Thor, Sif, Fandral and Volstagg for committing treason," Jane said, "And then the real Odin came back and decided not to pardon them, so they were sent into exile on Earth…"

"And I'm guessing they were sent to where you live in New Mexico," Fury finished for her.

"Yup," Jane replied simply.

"Lucky you," Fury said, "That sounds like trouble to me."

"Not… really," Jane replied, "They're all mortal now and their powers have been diminished, so I think they've already realized that if they start trouble it won't turn out too good… for them. But I'll hand you over to Erik now."

"Thank you."

"Erik, it's Fury from SHIELD," Jane said, passing him the phone.

Erik took the phone into the living room. When he came back, he declared, "Well, it seems SHIELD is studying something that I can't tell you about and they need me to help."

"Are you going to take a taxi to the airport…" Jane asked," Or do I need to go get out of my pajamas?"

"I can take a taxi," Erik replied, "Well, see you all… whenever I get back…"

Erik left to go pack and soon he was on his way out the door. Once breakfast was over, the Asgardian men went to go work out (or in Loki's case, read a book and "work out" his brain) while Jane stayed in the kitchen to wash the breakfast dishes. Sif stayed behind to keep her company, while Darcy and Ian went off into the living room as well.

"So how's it going?" Jane asked.

"Um… fine?" Sif replied in confusion.

"I meant with Loki," Jane clarified with a smile.

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean by that," Sif retorted, "As of right now, Loki and I are just good friends not… what do you call it? Ah yes, boyfriend and girlfriend."

Jane shrugged, "These things take time."

"I'm still not even sure how I feel about him," Sif stated, shaking her head.

Darcy reentered the kitchen wearing spiffy clothes that Jane had never seen before.

"Where are you going?" Jane asked jokingly.

"Uh, actually, Ian and I are going on a date," Darcy replied, matching Jane's sassy tone.

"Oh. Have fun then!" Jane smiled.

"Thank you, Dr. Jane Foster," Darcy responded with a smirk.

"I am never going to be able to live that down, am I?" Jane sighed.

Ian entered wearing his own spiffy clothes and the couple left for the local cafe. Jane realized that she was the only human in a house full of Asgardians.

"Oh boy," Jane muttered under her breath.

"Jane, what is a date?" Sif asked her.

"A date," Jane replied in explanation, "Hm… a date is when you go someplace or meet up with someone else socially or romantically."

"Oh," Sif smiled, "So I'm guessing Darcy and Ian are going out for the latter?"

"Yes," Jane replied, "And usually (in most circumstances, mind you) the man asks the woman out but it can go the other way around…And when you regularly go on dates with someone, who would be your boyfriend in your case, we would say that you two are dating."

"I see," Sif responded, "Well I suppose that makes sense."

"Don't you date on Asgard?" Jane asked.

"Eh… not really," Sif said with a shrug, "Either you're betrothed or you're not. If you aren't betrothed, then you just… fall in love, tell them how you feel and if it's mutual, you get married, I suppose. Or you're just 'together' for a while before you get married… if it all works out like that…"

"Sounds complicated and yet… not," Jane replied, "Are you betrothed?"

"No, thank goodness!" Sif responded with a laugh.

Jane chuckled and then hesitantly asked, "Um… is Thor?"

"Betrothed? No, surprisingly he's not," Sif stated, "Lucky you."

"Yeah, that wouldn't have been good," Jane sighed.

* * *

A/N: Next Chapter:RO-MAAAAAANCE! (And other stuff too)

I'll try to update soon-ish (soon-ish= sometime this week) But in the meantime, please feel free to write your review, any questions, comments, concerns?, etc... thanks people! :)


	14. Dates and Dates

A/N: Hm...I don't have anything important to say...soooo...yeah, let's just move right along to the disclaimer...

Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel OR Women's World magazines

* * *

Sif was standing at the kitchen counter after lunch all alone, reading a mortal magazine called _Woman's World_. She was frustrated to fin that the pictures didn't move or do anything special, like the pictures in most books on Asgard did.

"How utterly boring," Sif muttered, "Well I suppose that's what happens when you don't have magic!"

Sif was finding the solitude of this moment to be extremely nice, considering that she now lived with seven other people. Back on Asgard, if Sif hadn't wanted to see another person all day long, she didn't have to. Her chambers were large (extremely large, mind you) and she had bathrooms, a kitchen (complete with a pantry stocked with no-cooking-nessicary food) a small room for working out, a lounge and of course her bedroom (which included a large walk-in closet, a three-paneled full-length mirror, and a very spa-esque little bathroom, amongst other things). So basically, Sif could have lived in her chambers if she had wanted to, and now, she had lost that option of complete and utter alone-time.

Sif sighed as she daydreamed about the luxury she had lost on Asgard. If she wasn't trying to prove herself worthy just to go home, then she was trying to prove herself worthy to get her extravagant chambers back.

Suddenly, someone put their hand lightly on Sif's shoulder, startling her out of her reverie.

"Ah!" She exclaimed upon being startled. She turned to see Loki behind her, "Loki, don't do that!"

"Sorry!" He replied, "I thought you had heard me walk in."

"No, but you've been known to be sneaky like that," Sif retorted, "And besides, I was… reading."

"It looked more like you were daydreaming to me," Loki smirked.

"Well, maybe I was," Sif stated shortly, not really wanting to admit she was longing to be back on Asgard in her hot tub drinking a hot mug of chocolate. (Yes, just chocolate, no cocoa. The Spanish drank straight up chocolate, too, but this isn't history class). Sif frowned thinking of how lucky Hogun was right now, not being exiled and all that.

Loki leaned against the counter on his left arm, "Sif? I think you're daydreaming again."

"Hm?" Sif replied, snapping out of her thoughts, "Oh, sorry. Did you want something?"

"Not particularly…" Loki said, "I just came to talk to you because it's exceedingly boring to talk to Jane and all of the other men are working out."

"Ah, I see, so I'm the fall-back option after Jane and the others," Sif asked almost snippily.

"No, you were the last person I found," Loki retorted with equal sass, "I ran into Jane first (quite literally, actually) and then I can across you."

"Oh, I see," Sif said again.

She looked down at her magazine awkwardly, not exactly sure what to say next and Loki failed to provide any conversation. After a long, awkward silence he struck up conversation again (or tried to).

"Sif?"

"Yeeeees?" Sif replied, looking up from her magazine.

Loki tilted his head and asked, "Have you ever heard of a 'date'?"

"Yeeeees…" Sif responded. That was one of those social meetings Jane had told her about.

"Would you like to try one?" Loki asked.

Sif thought that this was an odd way to ask someone out but she shrugged, "Well, I guess. Sure, why not?"

Loki took her hand in his palm and guided it upward. Sif tilted her head up slightly, expecting Loki to lean down towards her. Instead, he put his clenched fist over her hand that he held and put something that looked like a fruit in it. Evidently she hadn't noticed that Loki had had his fist clenched the entire time, apparently holding the fruit-thing.

"What's this?" Sif asked in confusion.

"That is a date," Loki stated, "Or more precisely, that is _your_ date!"

"Oh! I thought you were asking me if I wanted to try a date," Sif replied, referring to the occasion.

"I _did_ ask if you wanted to try a date," Loki responded, meaning the fruit.

"No, I meant the **other** type of date!" Sif said.

"There's another type of date?!" Loki asked, seeming astonished.

"Yes!" Sif replied, sounding frustrated.

"Huh. I wonder if it's as good as this type!" Loki exclaimed, still stuck on the fruit.

"No, Loki!" Sif exclaimed back, "I meant the OTHER meaning of the mortal word date!"

Loki stood there for a couple seconds with his mouth open slightly and a confused look on his face. Then realization hit him and he replied, "Ohhhh, you mean THAT kind of date!"

"Yes," Sif sighed, hints of frustration lingering in her voice.

"Well…" Loki began, smiling slightly and inching towards her a bit.

Sif never found out what Loki was going to say, because at that moment Volstagg walked into the kitchen declaring, "I am starving! What do we have to eat around here?"

Loki backed away from Sif and stated, "We ran out of food. You ate it all already."

"Oh, very funny, Loki," Volstagg replied.

As he went over to search the pantry, Loki turned back to Sif. She smiled at him and he returned to smile but any moment that might have happened was lost.

"Are you going to be eating that?" Loki asked when he noticed that Sif still had the date.

She smiled teasingly and took a bite out of the fruit.

"Apparently so…" Loki sighed.

"WE'RE BACK!" They all heard Darcy exclaim.

"How was the cafe?" Jane asked Darcy and Ian when they had entered the kitchen.

"Pretty good," Ian responded, "Except for that annoying table of girls behind us."

"That was our neighbor and her friends," Darcy stated.

"Ugh, Charlotte?" Jane asked.

"Yeah," Darcy responded, putting her purse down on the counter.

At that moment, they all heard the most obnoxious yapping sound come form next door.

"Even her dog is annoying!" Darcy exclaimed.

"Remind me why you live next to her?" Ian asked.

"We don't live next to her," Darcy replied, "She lives next to us."

"What's wrong with this Charlotte?" Sif questioned.

"She's egotistical, rude and just plain mean," Darcy responded.

Loki started to say, "Sounds like Odin" but thought better of it and kept his mouth shut.

"Well, let's just forget about her and move on," Jane stated.

"I find that hard to do with her making those ear-piercing noises," Loki declared.

"That's her dog," Darcy stated.

"Oh." Loki replied, blushing slightly as Volstagg laughed at his mistake.

"Hey, Darcy," Jane said, leading her into the other room so they could converse in peace and quiet, "I got an e-mail while you two were gone."

"Whoa, that's a first!" Darcy exclaimed sarcastically.

"It was from the local beach," Jane started, ignoring Darcy's cheeky quip.

"I didn't do it!" Darcy immediately stated.

"They were just telling us that this Sunday we can get on the beach for free!" Jane exclaimed, "Now I'm wondering what you did do at the beach…"

"Nothing, I was just saying!" Darcy replied, "But hey! Free beach day! Let's go!"

"Let's go where?" Thor asked, entering the room with Fandral.

"Do you have beaches on Asgard?" Jane asked.

"Sort of," Thor replied.

"But they're not exactly like the beaches of Midgard," Fandral added.

"Why do you ask?" Thor inquired.

"Well we're going to take you guys to a good old fashion, Midgard beach this weekend!" Jane declared.

"In what way is it old fashion?" Loki asked as he, Sif, Volstagg and Ian walked in.

"Never mind the old fashion part," Jane said, waving her hand dismissively, "Anyways, we'll have to go back to the department store to get you people bathing suits."

"'_Bathing_ suits'?!" Sif exclaimed.

"Here, I'll show you!" Darcy replied, grabbing a notepad and drawing both men's and women's swimsuits, "See? You swim in them."

"Oh, so they're actually swimwear?" Sif responded.

Darcy shrugged, "Yeah pretty much."

Jane clicked away on her laptop and finally said, "Ooh, the department store is having a sale on Saturday!"

"That's convent," Ian stated, "I guess we'll go shopping for suits then."

"A wise idea," Volstagg replied.

* * *

A/N: Huh, I still have nothing very important to say...that's a first... Well onto the preview I suppose..

Next chapter: Dancing! Aw yeah! :D


	15. Just Dance With Darcy!

A/N: Hey y'all! Here's another chapter for you to read! [**Read this after you've read the first paragraph!**: I recommend watching the videos for the Just Dance songs they've done if you have never played the game before. It's funny to imagine the Asgardians doing the dances! :D]

Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel, Just Dance, Call Me Maybe, Never Gonna Give You Up, Moves Like Jagger, James Bond, Disney or Aladdin.

* * *

After the conversation that decided on a shopping trip on Saturday and a beach trip on Sunday, Darcy and Ian went off to their respective rooms to change out of their fancy clothes. Darcy felt energized and decided to go on the Just Dance video game. (It was her cardio). She walked out to the living room (which had been cleared out since she had went off to change) and she inserted the Just Dance 4 disc into their Wii.

The Asgardians all trooped into the living room just as Darcy was getting 5 stars on Call Me Maybe.

"What on Midgard are you doing?" Loki asked.

Darcy paused the game, "It's called a video game. You have to to the dance moves that the person on the game is doing. Don't tell me you don't dance on Asgard."

"We do, but it's more…um… not like what you were doing," Sif stated.

"So, you have ballroom dancing," Darcy replied, turning the game back on and continuing to dance, "Is this kind of dancing risqué to you guys?"

"No it's just really weird," Loki stated.

"Fair enough," Darcy replied.

The Asgardians all sat down and watched Darcy danced. Darcy felt really awkward at first, but by the time the song ended, she was already past it.

"Sooooo, you guys want to try?" Darcy asked, turning and smiling at them.

Sif put her hands up in mock surrender, "I'll only try it if everyone else does!"

She looked around at the other Asgardians with a face that reminded Darcy of a stubborn mother trying to get her picky kids to try the new recipe she'd made for dinner.

The men grudgingly agreed (because they knew the consequences of not agreeing with Sif) and they all got up to dance. Seeing as the game was 4 players only, Darcy gave remotes to Sif, Loki and Thor. Fandral and Volstagg agreed to dance without remotes.

"What are these for, Darcy?" Thor asked.

"Basically, they send signals to the game and it decides if you're doing the moves right or not," Darcy explained, "Then you get scored and at the end we see who has the highest score."

"We get scored?" Loki asked.

The other Asgardians groaned, apparently knowing what this was leading to.

Darcy, on the other hand, did not, "Yes, what about it?"

"If we get scored, I say we turn this into a competition," Loki stated.

"Loki, it's just for fun—" Darcy started.

"Fine, then I **challenge** all of you to a dancing competition!" Loki declared.

"Does he always do this?" Darcy whispered to Sif.

"Always," Sif whispered back, "Loki is very competitive, he's a sore loser and even worse when he wins."

"Gotcha," Darcy replied, "Now, now, Loki. This is everyone's first time playing this game. Why don't we start off just, like…. training? And then we''ll get to competition."

"Fine!" Loki practically whined, "But someday, we **will** have a competition."

"I promise," Darcy replied flatly, "Now let's get started…finally."

Everyone who had a remote got their wrist straps on and Darcy went to the main menu.

"So what songs to you want to start with?" Darcy asked them.

"We don't know any mortal music," Thor stated, "But I trust you have good taste in music, Darcy."

"Alright, thanks," Darcy replied, "Well we'll start with the songs that have one person…"

"What does that mean?" Fandral asked.

"The have songs choreographed with one, two and four people," Darcy explained, "So there would be one, two or four animated people on the screen. I guess eventually we could do it with only two people doing a duet and only four people doing a quartet song, but for now, I say we all dance together, so everyone's less self-conscious."

"Good idea," Thor stated.

"O-kay…" Darcy muttered as she began scanning through the song selection menu, "Hm…nope…no….no Justin Bieber, thank you very much….nope….ugh I hate that song….this dance stinks….ah, no…..that one's way too hard…. ah-ha, here we go!"

Darcy selected Never Gonna Give You Up and the dancing commenced. At first there was a lot of, "What on Midgard is that person wearing?!" or "This is the weirdest dance move, if you can even call it that!" from the Asgardians, but eventually, everyone got in the zone and actually began enjoying themselves, laughing when they bumped into each other and chuckling when they messed up a move.

Jane poked her head in when they were doing Moves Like Jagger and admitted (in her head) that they were actually doing pretty good. (Except Volstagg, who was taking his fourth 'small' break on the couch).

After a while, they all took a break, due to the fact that they were all panting heavily. Darcy returned with water for everyone.

"I was [pant] keeping score [pant] mentally," Loki stated, "And after [pant] some calculations I think that [pant] Darcy came in first…"

"Of course [pant] I did," Darcy wheezed out.

Loki continued with a glare, "And I came in [exhausted sigh] second…"

"Was I [gulps down water] in third?" Sif managed to ask.

"Yes, and [pant] Thor you were fourth," Loki finished, still breathing heavily.

"Yes!" Thor exclaimed, putting a hand on his aching back. "Ow."

"Ugh, I'm sweaty!" Fandral exclaimed.

"Oh no, your perfect hair," Sif said flatly.

"What about my hair?!" Fandral exclaimed suddenly.

"Nothing, it looks fine," Sif stated in a monotonous voice.

"Dinner time, everybody!" Jane called from the kitchen.

The Asgardians followed Darcy into the kitchen and were joined by Ian shortly there after.

"What's for dinner… oh right, re-heated pizza," Ian said.

"And we're watching James Bond tonight," Darcy smiled, "It's too bad Erik had to leave, he likes these movies, too."

"I wonder what top secret things they're studying now," Jane commented as they all grabbed their pizza.

"Perhaps they saw our arrival on their scanners and what not?" Thor asked.

"I'm not sure they would have to study that though," Jane replied as they all made their way into the living room.

"Who knows what 'fascinating phenomenon' those silly little humans have to study," Loki interjected, "But for the record, we all know for a fact that it had nothing to do with me."

"For once," Darcy muttered as she walked over to the movie cabinet.

A couple moments passed quietly.

"WHAT?!" Darcy suddenly shouted, "Jane, it's not in here!"

"What's not in there?"

"Our James Bond collection!" Darcy wailed, "It's gone! We probably left it in England!"

"I told you to go through every room thoroughly before we left!" Jane retorted.

"I did!"

"Well, obviously you didn't go through thoroughly enough!"

"I guess we'll just watch something else!" Ian interjected.

"I get to pick though!" Darcy exclaimed.

"Fine! We can watch whatever you want!" Jane exclaimed in return.

("This is why we don't have television," Sif whispered to Loki, who nodded knowingly in response).

Darcy looked at the movie cabinet with a purely evil smirk, "Whatever I want, eh?"

"Why do I feel like we're going to regret this?" Loki asked.

"Because we probably are going to regret this," Jane told him.

Loki put his head in his hands and muttered something that nobody heard. (Sif, who was sitting next to him, thought it sounded like, "How did this happen to me? There are no Darcys in prison…" but we'll never know for sure).

"A-HA!" Darcy exclaimed, whipping out an old VHS tape.

"What is it?" Jane asked hesitantly.

"It's a surprise, Jane," Darcy stated, smiling even more evilly than before.

"Oh no…" About five people muttered at once.

Darcy put the VHS tape in the player in a very secretive manner, so that no one could see what movie she had selected for viewing.

"Is everyone ready?" Darcy asked in a deep voice that was meant to be scary but just sounded weird.

"No!" Everyone else responded.

"Oops! Too bad! I already hit play—"

Darcy was cut off as the movie started playing, the volume turned up very loud and they all saw and animated man riding through a desert, singing, "ARABIAN NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHTS!"

Everyone shouted exclamations such as, "Geez Darcy!" or "What on Jotunheim?!" or even "Good gracious me!" and covered their ears as Darcy stumbled to turn down the volume.

"Sorry! Sorry!" Darcy said as she rushed back to her seat.

"Aladdin? Really Darcy?" Jane asked.

"What's wrong with Aladdin, Jane?" Darcy asked sassily.

Of course, Loki complained about the surplus of singing (to which Darcy merely responded, "It's Disney") and of course, Fandral complained that it wasn't real people (he said 'real women' first, but corrected himself in time). The Asgardians admitted that the songs were catchy (well, Loki called them 'corny' but that's Loki). They didn't understand what was up with the flying carpet and they didn't know what the monkey was, but at least they got the gist of the plot line. All in all, they said it wasn't bad.

"It was only slightly tolerable," Loki added.

"Yeah, yeah," Darcy replied, waving her hand dismissively, "Just wait 'till you're singing the songs."

"I would never," Loki retorted.

"What, embarrassed by your singing voice?" Darcy teased.

"Actually, no, I'm not," Loki replied, "I just don't sing very often, and never in front of other people."

"Same," Ian commented.

"Huh, I don't really care," Darcy stated.

"I just don't really sing…ever," Thor said.

"Yes you do, I've heard you!" Loki exclaimed.

"Well, no matter," Thor stated hastily, "Let's go clean our dishes and decide what to do afterwards!"

They all got up and marched into the kitchen to wash their dishes off.

"Well, Sif, I never thought I would see you wearing a dress like that," Fandral commented.

"Wearing a dress like what, exactly?" Sif asked testily, shooting Fandral a menacing look to match her tone of voice.

"What I meant was that…that dress is just shorter than the dresses on Asgard," Fandral said quickly, "I must say that it flatters you terrifically."

"I see. Thank you Fandral!" Sif replied with a smile.

Loki frowned and glared at the back of Fandral's blonde head. He hated how playboys like Fandral could turn anything into a compliment and make all the females within a five mile radius swoon. Loki considered telling Fandral to back off from Sif later, but he knew that would only make Fandral more determined.

Loki sighed mentally. He had never been very good a wooing women. Not that he had every really tried… seeing as the only girl he'd ever really liked was Sif. Loki could never comprehend the other girls that were, put simply, girlier than Sif. It seemed that if you gave them a present, they said it wasn't necessary to get them things, but if you didn't get them presents, they got angry at you.  
Loki doubted that he would ever truly understand women.

* * *

A/N: Next Chapter!:The _beginning_ of a very fun game... called...

TRUTH OR DARE! (Yes, it's so long it takes up two chapters, people!)

[Sorry, I'm not taking suggestions because I already wrote this fic, like, a year ago and I'm just typing it now, so... no suggestions, sorry!]


	16. Truth or Dare: Part 1

A/N: Sheesh, sorry for the long wait! Here it is!

Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel, Avon, Beautiful by Christina Aguilera or anything else I don't own!

* * *

It was Friday morning. Thor woke up, stretched, yawned and noted how it was much cooler than the previous day. He groaned as he remembered that tomorrow was Saturday, which meant bathing suit shopping. Thor dreaded it, because he doubted that these mortal swim garments would be comfortable.

He got off his lawn chair, and decided to forget about the swim wear for today. After all, why worry about tomorrow?

"Morning…" Sif yawned, apparently having just woken up.

"Good morning, Sif," Thor replied cheerily, "I trust you slept well last night?"

"Yes, these chairs are actually much more comfortable than they look," She stated sleepily.

After a couple moments and many more yawns, Sif dragged herself out of bed. She accompanied Thor inside and in the closet, they both began deciding what to wear that day.

"I miss my cape," Thor muttered, sounding a bit sad.

"I know, I miss my armor," Sif replied.

"And I miss my leather coat," Loki stated as he entered the closet.

"Good morning, brother!" Thor said in a happier tone.

"I fell off my chair so I'm not quite sure I agree with that sentiment," Loki responded, "But good morning."

"Morning, Loki!" Sif said once he finished.

"Morning, Sif," Loki returned.

"Well, at least it isn't intolerably hot today," Thor commented.

"I suppose that is a 'good' thing," Loki agreed.

The threesome made their way out and down the hall to the bathroom, where they changed one-by-one. Soon, Fandral and Volstagg came along and got ready as well. Together, the five Asgardians walked into the kitchen… only to find that none of their mortal friends had waken yet.

"Oh dear," Fandral muttered, "What ever shall we do about breakfast?"

"We could make breakfast ourselves…" Sif suggested.

"Yes but how do we do that?" Thor asked.

"I don't know… uh…thoughts?" She replied, turning to the other men.

"We make grilled cheese sandwiches!" Loki exclaimed, snapping his fingers as the idea came to him.

"We do know how to make those," Sif added.

"Sandwiches for breakfast?" Volstagg responded.

"Would you rather starve waiting for the humans to get up?" Loki retorted.

"Point taken," Volstagg said, "Sandwiches is it then!"

Jane woke up and heard people talking and plates clinking and the toaster popping.

"I guess I'm not the first one up," Jane muttered sleepily as she rolled out of bed.

She walked into the kitchen to find the Asgardians sitting at the table eating grilled cheese sandwiches. Jane stared at them for a moment, then she checked the clock on the oven to make sure it wasn't lunch time already.

"Ah, good morning Jane!" Thor exclaimed, being the first one to notice her.

"Morning everyone else said cheerily.

"Morning…?" Jane more of asked, "Why are you all eating grilled cheese sandwiches?"

"Because," Volstagg replied after swallowing, "It's the only food we know how to make."

"Hm. I guess I'll have to show you how to make pancakes," Jane stated, "And I guess we will have pancakes for lunch today."

"Say what?!" Darcy exclaimed as she entered the kitchen.

"You heard me," Jane retorted grumpily.

"I know, I just love saying that," Darcy smirked.

"Good morning," Ian said as he sleepily made his way into the kitchen.

Morning greetings were exchanged, the humans got their sandwiches for breakfast and sat down with their guests.

"Ugh, we have nothing to do today!" Jane yawned.

"You could teach us how to cook," Sif suggested.

The men all protested but Darcy said, "Now seems as good a time as any to learn."

"I guess us men will have to find something else to do," Ian stated.

After everyone had finished, the group broke up. Jane, Sif, Darcy and Thor remained in the kitchen while the others went off to the living room. Suddenly, they heard a knock at the front door.

"Darcy, have you ordered anything?" Jane asked.

"Nope," Darcy replied.

"Do not worry," Thor stated, "I will go see what is afoot while you three clean the dishes."

Thor walked out and down the hall to the front door. Upon opening said door, Thor found a young woman wearing a business suit and holding a brief case standing on the front steps.

"Good morning," The woman said politely.

"Good morning," Thor replied, "My I inquire as to why you have come a-knocking at our door?"

"Uhhh…" The woman responded, "Well, I'm here with a very special offer. Is the 'Mrs' home?"

"I am not married," Thor stated flatly.

"Well then, perhaps you still have a special woman in your life who…" The woman pulled a box out of the case, "…Would be interested in buying one of our top-quality beauty products!"

"I think not!" Thor retorted, "Now, begone, peddler!"

With that, Thor closed the door in the poor traveling-saleswoman's face. He returned to the kitchen to find the ladies still doing to dishes.

"Hey Thor," Jane asked, "Who was that?"

She left the other two and went over to Thor.

"Yeah we'll just take over here…" Darcy said, turning on the radio.

"Thanks!" Jane called back. "So?"

"I'm not exactly sure who it was," Thor replied, "But she was peddling beauty products…"

"Ohh! It must've been an Avon lady or something," Jane exclaimed, "You didn't buy anything, did you?"

"From a stranger?! Of course not!" Thor replied.

Darcy suddenly began singing along with the radio (Beautiful by Christina Aguilera was on, in case you were wondering). Now, let it be known that Darcy's singing voice was not very good. At all. Did Darcy care? Absolutely not. Did she sing for fun and to annoy Jane? Of course!

"Yeah, yeah, oh yeah-ahhh-ahh!" Darcy sang, "We are beautifuuu-ul, no matter what they say!"

Thor raised an eyebrow and glanced at Jane. Jane looked at Darcy (whom was still singing off-key) and mouthed "Sorry" to Thor. He smiled as if to say "Oh, that's alright".

Then Loki walked into the room saying, "What is that wretched-" he looked over to see Darcy singing, "Oh."

Luckily for him, Darcy hadn't heard him over the combined sounds of the radio, her own voice, the fan and the clanging dishes she was putting away. But Sif shot him look that said "Watch it, Mister!".

Loki cleared his throat, "Dr. Jane Foster, you have a phone call."

"Okay, thanks," Jane replied, following Loki into the living room with Thor right behind her. Fandral handed her the phone, "Hello? This is Jane Foster."

"Hello, Jane?" The other person said, "Hi, this is Renee Winslow from the Puente Antiguo College."

"Hi Dr. Winslow" Jane replied. The two women had talked before over their shared love of science and Dr. Winslow had even made some suggestions for Jane's equipment, "What's up?"

"Well," Dr. Winslow said excitedly, "The college is finally letting me take my class on a field trip and I wanted to bring them over to see your lab."

"That's awesome!" Jane replied, surprised by this interesting request.

"So how about it?" Dr. Winslow asked, "Would it be alright if I brought them over?"

"Sure! I can set up tape to block off the rest of the house and make sure they can't touch anything," Jane replied, "When is happening, anyway?"

"Oh, not until September!" Dr. Winslow stated, "You've got a couple months. But don't worry. I'll whip my students into shape before I ever even pass out to permission slips."

"College students need permission slips?" Jane asked.

"I just pass them out more of as a warning and an explanation," Dr. Winslow replied, "Just in case."

"Alright, just give me a call when you have more information," Jane said.

"Will do! Talk to you later, Jane," Dr. Winslow responded.

"Bye, Renee," Jane hung up the phone, and then thought, _what am I doing? Letting college students into a house full of Asgardians? This might be interesting._

* * *

After their pancake lunch, the men returned to the living room as the ladies began their cooking lessons.

"So what are we going to do?" Fandral asked once everyone was seated in a sort-of-circle on the couches.

"I don't know," Ian replied. He was kind of 'in charge' of the Asgardian men, especially side Erik had left.

"We could… dance?" Thor suggested.

"Not now, to after lunch!" Fandral replied.

A sudden ides dawned on Ian. Something that would keep them entertained for hours, if need be. Something that was also really, really fun.

"Do you guys have Truth or Dare on Asgard?" Ian asked.

The Asgardian men gave Ian blank stares.

"No, what is 'Truth or Dare'?" Thor replied.

"It's a game," Ian explained, "You play in a circle. So, for example, I would ask Thor 'truth or dare'. If Thor chooses truth, he must answer any question I ask truthfully. If Thor chooses dare, he must do anything I dare him to do. Of course the dares can't be anything that's dangerous or really, you know, weird."

"We get the point," The men said quickly.

"We each get only one pass," Ian replied, "The game ends whenever we stop and the winner is whoever didn't use their pass."

"What if no one does?" Loki asked.

"Good question," Ian replied, "I really have no idea. But anyways, do you guys want to play? It'll be especially fun because we have 'dare victims'."

Ian pointed into the kitchen where the women were cooking.

"Ah-ha!" Volstagg smiled.

They agreed to play and furthermore, they agreed that the circle would go like this:  
Ian asks Thor. Thor asks Loki. Loki asks Fandral. Fandral asks Volstagg and Volstagg asks Ian.

"I get to go first!" Thor exclaimed.

"How is that fair?" Loki replied angrily.

Thor paused, "I was in Ian's example. Okay, Loki: truth or dare?"

"I'm going to regret this…" Loki replied, "…Dare."

"Alright!" Thor responded excitedly, "Ah! Loki, I dare you to run through the house like you've gone insane. You can stop when you reach this room again."

Everyone looked to Loki and waited for his response.

"I suppose you'll give me worse, so I accept." Loki responded.

And with that, Loki went bonkers.

He ran willy-nilly and screaming into the kitchen at full speed, tripped over a chair, and sprawled on the floor.

"Loki?! Are you alright?" Jane asked as the women looked fearfully at him.

He got up off the floor and began shouting, "I've gone mad! Completely MAD! I've finally lost it! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Loki ran to the counter and weaved through the women, still screaming as he barely missed knocking pans and trays of food out of their hands. He bolted out into the hall, still screaming at the top of his lungs. The women went and peeked out into the hall to watch him run into walls and doors, shout at nonsexist people and eventually disappear down another hall.

"Alright!" Jane said angrily, turning to find the other men standing in the doorway of the kitchen and the living room, "Which one of you broke Loki?"

They were all in hysterics, but Fandral managed to laugh out, "Playing…truth or dare!"

They returned to the living room and Sif asked about truth or dare. The other two women explained the game to her and they decided to play their own game in the kitchen, with Jane asking Sif, Sif asking Darcy and Darcy asking Jane.

But meanwhile in the living room, Loki reentered calmly and sat down.

"Well done brother!" Thor exclaimed.

"Thank you," Loki replied, not sounding thankful at all, "Fandral: truth or dare?"

"Truth!: Fandral replied quickly.

"Hm… okay: who is the most attractive human women you've ever seen," Loki asked, "As in, with your own eyes, not just from hearing stories.

"Well…." Fandral sighed, "Oh, this is tough. I'm going to say, truthfully, Jane. Sorry Thor!"

Thor shrugged, "It is the truth. I agree."

Presently in the kitchen, Sif was allowed to go first and ask Darcy to begin their game.

"I choose dare!" Darcy replied boldly.

Sif smirked evilly, "I dare you to go and ruffle Fandral's hair.

"You mean… mess it up?!" Darcy exclaimed.

"Exactly." Sif replied.

Darcy accepted, because she knew there were worse things than messing up a guy's hair-do. She ran into the living room as the other women watched silently from the doorway. Darcy snuck up behind Fandral, who was seated on the couch still and then ruined his perfect hair.

"What the-?" Fandral exclaimed," NO! My hair! Darcy what have you done?!"

"Truth or dare!" Darcy laughed as she practically skipped out of the room.

Sif was laughing historically in the kitchen, "That was lovely!"

"Uh-oh. Looks like we have competition," Volstagg stated.

"My hair…" Fandral moaned, smoothing it out before asking, "Volstagg: truth or dare?"

"I will go with dare!" Volstagg responded in a brave tone.

"My friend, I dare you to speak in rhymes for the remainder of the game," Fandral challenged.

The other men laughed and waited for Volstagg to reply.

"I accept the dare," Volstagg said after a while, "But I still don't think it's fair."

The other men laughed at Volstagg's rhyme. He didn't look too happy, though.

* * *

A/N: Next chapter will be Truth or Dare Part 2!

And by the way, sorry about any spelling errors, I typed this super fast (or I tried to anyways)


	17. Truth or Dare: Part 2!

A/N: Hey, sorry it's been so long... and speaking of long, the Truth or Dare part of this fic is SO LONG that it's probably going to take up THREE chapters instead of two! My apologies. **Read this once you've read Sif's first dare!:** I recommend that if you've never seen Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.. just find the video of this song-and-dance number on [it'll be called Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953)-(Movie Clip)Anyone Here For Love] It's great. If you read this before you're supposed to- shame!

Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes or any of it's songs, MP3 players...

* * *

The games of truth or dare continued, and in the kitchen it was Darcy's turn to challenge Jane.

"Truth or dare, Doc?" she asked teasingly.

Jane shot her a look before replying, "…daaaaare…?"

"Are you telling me or asking me?" Darcy said.

"Dare." Jane reiterated firmly.

"Okay-dokey!" Darcy smiled, "Let's see… a-ha! Jane, I dare you to go into the living room and pretend to pass out."

"That doesn't sound so bad," Jane replied, sounding shocked, "Okay, I accept."

As she left, Darcy whispered to Sif, "Let's see who gives her mouth-to-mouth!"

Just as Volstagg had turned to Ian, about to ask him the question, when Jane entered the room.

And promptly fell to the ground, making a swooning noise as she did so.

"Jane?!" everyone exclaimed.

Jane tried very hard not to move or make any facial expressions as Fandral, who was closest to her, jumped up and knelt beside her. Thor was soon at her side, putting her head in his lap. Darcy and Sif watched silently from the doorway.

"Well, she is still alive," Thor verified after taking her pulse.

"What exactly happened?" Loki inquired.

"I'm not sure," Thor replied.

"Perhaps another evil force has possessed her," Loki suggested innocently.

"I hope not," Volstagg commented, then added, "It would… hurt her a lot."

"Jane?" Thor said, shaking her gently, "Jane, wake up."

"Should I go get help?" Ian asked.

"Do you want me to try reviving her with mouth-to-mouth?" Fandral added.

Jane took this chance to 'wake up'.

"Jane! What happened?" Ian questioned.

"Darcy giving me a dare happened," Jane exclaimed, standing up, "Sorry to bother you guys!"

Darcy and Sif turned back to the kitchen, highly disappointed. (Darcy mumbling, "This close! He was this close!"). Jane quickly left the room, and the men, slightly frustrated, took their seats again.

"What will they think of next?" Loki said exasperatedly.

"I'm not sure I want to know." Fandral declared.

"Ian, would you pick truth or dare," Volstagg inquired, "And get this question out of my hair?"

"Ha! You're getting very good at rhyming, my friend!" Thor exclaimed.

"Truth, thank you very much," Ian said.

"Your crush, who was the first of them all?" Volstagg replied, "And what caused this love to.. uh, fall?"

"Hmm, let me think…" Ian responded, "Well, I can remember the first girl I dated was named Muriel but she ended up being really grumpy all the time… and she wore too much perfume…"

Meanwhile in the kitchen, Jane was ready to give Sif her dare. It was probably the best dare Jane had ever thought of, and if all went well, Sif could probably pull it off.

"Sif," Jane began, "I dare you to run around town singing a song from the movie we watched to other night."

"Which movie?" Sif replied nervously.

"Gentlemen Prefer Blondes," Jane answered, "Sif, you're a strong, do-it-yourself type of woman… so I dare you to sing Anyone Here For Love."

"She means the song where Jane Russell basically sings about how she can't do anything," Darcy clarified.

Sif was clearly regretting choosing dare, "I… don't know how that song goes."

"Not to worry," Jane smiled, "Darcy has that song on her MP3 player. You can listen to it while you sing."

Sif muttered something under her breath that sounded like, "Oh joy" and Jane continued.

"But before you go outside," she stated, "You have to run through the living room first."

"This is quite the extensive dare!" Sif exclaimed almost indignantly, "But I accept, of course. Now I see you are capable of dares far worse than this one."

Darcy handed her MP3 player over to Sif, and after showing her how to use it, SIf listened to the song once and then read the lyrics off of Darcy's phone. Once she had determined that she knew the words well enough, Darcy giddily discovered that she had a karaoke version of the song, so Sif could at least run around singing to music.

"Ready?" Darcy inquired.

"No," Sif replied sourly, and then burst into the living room and began singing:

"I can't play tennis, my golf's a menace, I just can't do the Australian crawl!"

Naturally the men were staring at Sif as though she had gone insane. Sif had begun throwing in movements that went along with the music, such as bobbing her shoulders, wiggling her eyebrows and other girly things.

"And I'm no better at volleyball!" she sang, "Ain't there anyone here for love, sweet love? Ain't there anyone here for love!"

With that, Sif glided outside and continued singing, the men staring after her in shock and horror.

"I'm apathetic and non-athletic!" Sif sang. People walking down the street began to stop a stare, "Can't keep up in a marathon! I need some shoulder to lean upon and a couple of arms to hoooooold me!"

Sif danced down the street, a crowd of onlookers actually following her and people in stores watching from the windows.

"Ain't there anyone here for love!" Sif continued singing, her cheeks reddening as she pranced down the street and kept up onto an small stone wall, "I'm not in condition to… wrestle! I've never trained in a gym!"

Sif hopped down and popped her hip in time with the music, realizing that she was really getting into the dancing, "Show me a man who can nestle, and I'll pin a medal on him!"

Unbeknownst to Sif, her entire group of friends were watching her from the roof of there house,

"She's pretty good," Darcy whispered.

"Yeah, she actually is," Ian agreed.

Sif danced over to an ice cream stand and continued to dance and sing,

"Need some chappy to make me happy!" She sang, "And he don't have to be Hercules! Don't anyone know about birds and bees? Ain't there anyone here for love, sweet love?"

She made her way over to an outdoor cafe, her face getting warm with embarrassment.

"Ain't there anyone here for love?"

Sif got to the point in the song where the character sort of danced around and spoke in time with the music, so with every word, Sif posed differently.

"Doubles, anyone?"

Hands on hips with sly smile.

"Court's free!"

Fluffing hair with a hand at her hip.

"Two out of three!"

Fake pouty face with flirtatious shoulder bob.

"Anyone?"

Turning to walk down street but looking back.

"Doesn't anyone wanna play?"

Sif practically ran-danced away back towards the house, but crossing to the other side of the street and singing:

"I like big muscles and red corpuscles! I like a beautiful HUNK o' man!" She sang, noticing the gathered crowd had grown bigger and some people were pointing there cellular telephones at her, "But I'm no physical culture fan! Ain't there anyone here for love, sweet love?"

Sif twirled and sashayed down the street back home.

"Ain't there anyone, ain't there anyone, ain't there anyone! Anyone! Anyone! Anyooooooone!"

Sif opened the front doors and turned back to her audience.

"For LOOOOOOOOOOVE!"

And with that she bowed and promptly shut the door with great force.

The people outside look flabbergasted, but eventually ended up clapping and then dispersing. The other inhabitants of Jane's house arrived to find Sif panting and leaning up against the door.

"Sif, your were great!" Darcy exclaimed.

"I didn't realize you had that in you," was all Loki could other men just looked too stunned for words. "I'm guessing you chose dare."

"Correct," Sif replied, hoping she wasn't blushing too much.

"I'm very impressed," Jane commented as the two groups split up again.

Sif thanked Jane as Thor asked, "Who's turn was it?"

"Ian was just challenging you," Fandral replied.

"Thor," Ian said once they are all seated, "Truth or dare?"

"Truth!" Thor stated quickly, learning from Sif's mistake.

"Okay, what was your very first impression of Jane?" he asked.

"I thought her to be quite strange," Thor laughed, "Then again, I did wake up after she hit me with her van…"

"I heard that!" Jane shouted from the kitchen.

Speaking of them, Sif was just about to dare Darcy.

"I dare you Darcy," Sif smiled evilly, "To dump ice down the back of… hmm… Loki's shirt!"

"Uh…" Darcy replied, "Sure, alright! I accept."

Darcy went to the freezer and grabbed two ttys of ice cubes, making sure that the ice was loose enough to fall out when she turned the tray upside down.

Darcy stealthily crept into the living room and up behind where Loki sat on the couch.

"Alright," Thor was saying to him, "Truth or -"

Darcy grabbed the back of Loki's t-shirt and pour the ice cubes down his back.

Loki shouted in surprise and discomfort as the other men shouted in surprise (like I said Darcy was very stealthy).

The women all started laughing, as did everyone else- until Loki started turning blue.

"What in the world?!" Everyone practically exclaimed (with some "What in Nifleheim?!" and "By Odin's beard!" mixed in).

"Ah! What've you done!" Loki shouted.

"What did I do?!" Darcy screamed.

"Loki, I never divulged your secret!" Thor stated happily.

"W-what secret?!" Jane asked.

"I'M A FROST GIANT, ALRIGHT?!" Loki shouted, "ODIN AND FRIGGA ADOPTED ME BECAUSE I WAS LEFT ON A ROCK TO DIE AS A BABY!"

Everyone stared at him in a new kind of stunned silence.

"AND THEY DIDN'T DO IT OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF THEIR HEARTS!" Loki ranted on, "NO, NO, NO! ODIN TOOK ME BECAUSE I'M APPARENTLY LAUFEY'S SON AND I WAS JUST GOING TO BE USED! AS A PEACE TREATY! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO MY MOTHER IS, FOR IDUNNA'S SAKE! I'VE BEEN LIED TO MY ENTIRE LIFE! MY LIFE IS A LIE! MAYBE THAT'S WHY I'M THE GOD OF LIES AND NOT SOMETHING IMPORTANT LIKE THUNDER OR WAR OR THE HARVEST! BUT NO! I'M THE SON WHO GETS A LAME GOD-OF- WHATEVER THINGAMAGIG AND WHO EVERYONE FORGETS ABOUT AND IGNORES BECAUSE I'M A FROST GIANT! I AM ASGARD'S GREATEST, OLDEST ENEMY! WHY ME?! WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME THAT GETS THE SHORT END OF THE STICK?! NOBODY LOVES ME! MY PARENTS OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T! I'VE NEVER BEEN LOVED AND I'M GOWING TO GROW OLD REALLY SLOWLY AND DIE ALONE IN LIKE TEN KAJILLION-BILLION YEARS! WHAT DID I DO TO THE NORNS TO DESERVE THIS?! WELL GUESS WHAT, NORNS?! I DIDN'T ASK TO BE BORN! NOBODY DOES BECAUSE NOBODY CAN AND I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO YOU BEFORE I WAS BORN BECAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE TOO! I DIDN'T ASK TO BE KIDNAPPED AND THEN TRASHED ON FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE WHICH IS A LONG TIME BECAUSE I'M IMMORTAL! I HATE FROST GIANTS! I HATE BEING COLD! AND I HATE EVERYTHING!"

The longest moment of silence in the history of silences followed this rather sudden outburst, during which Loki just stood there huffing and puffing angrily, the ice in his shirt melted and his appearance returned to normal. Everyone else was staring at Loki like he might suddenly explode or glancing quickly at one another in shock and/or alarm. (Darcy figured now would not be the time to ask "What's a Frost Giant?").

It was Sif who moved first. She crossed to Loki slowly, and he turned to her, still seething. If Darcy had been Sif, she would've turned and run. But Sif merely put her hand on Loki's shoulder, very gently. He stared at her and she stared at him, then his expression softened and his breathing became normal. She took her hand off his shoulder and Loki sighed.

"I… apologize for that," he said, "It's been boiling up inside of me for far too long and I guess… I just had to get it out."

"Are you going to be okay now?" Darcy asked tentatively.

"Yes," Loki responded simply.

"I'm sorry," She added sincerely.

"It's hardly your fault," Loki stated, "I hope you can all… forgive me?"

Everyone nodded, most of them still too shocked to speak.

"Brother, I am truly sorry that you feel this way," Thor interjected.

"Well," Loki replied with a hint of a smile, "I don't actually hate everything…"

"But we all care about you here, Loki," Thor stated.

"Okay, this doesn't need to get mushy," Loki responded, "I know you 'all love me' and all that, blah blah blah, I was just on an angry rant so I guess I just threw it into the mix."

After this the groups went back to their games (everyone deciding to be a little more careful with their future dares).

"Well, as I was saying before you exploded," Thor continued, "Truth or dare?"

"Ooh, tough choice," Loki joked, "Dare."

"I, the mighty Thor, dare you to call everyone by titles for the rest of the day," Thor declared.

"Ha! I accept, Thor, O annoying brother of mine," Loki said, "Fandral, man of ridiculously shiny teeth, do you choose truth or da-"

"Truth!" Fandral exclaimed quickly.

"Alright, good choice by the way," Loki began, "Fandral, shiny-haired man, what is your favorite thing that is of Earth, excluding of course women?"

After shooting him a glare, Fandral replied, "I'm… going to have to go with pizza."

Back in the kitchen, the women returned to the game, after some conversing.

"Fill me in here," Darcy said, "What's a Frost Giant?"

"It's exactly what the name implies," Jane responded, "By the way Sif, nice job calming him down. I was getting reeeeally scared there for a minute. How'd you do that?"

"I honestly don't know," Sif practically scoffed.

"It looked like you were telepathically telling him to chill out," Darcy added, "…Pun not intended. Jane, truth or dare?"

"Dare!" Jane responded.

"Wow, you're getting brave," Darcy said sarcastically, "I dare you to go tell Fandral that he's 'as cute as a kitten'."

"Pass! I use my pass!" Jane exclaimed frantically.

"Whaaat?!" Darcy replied.

"There are some things that I just won't do!" Jane retorted, "And that's one of them! Sif, truth or dare?"

Sif fake laughed, "Ha ha- truth."

"What is the girliest thing you've ever done?" Jane proposed, "Not counting that other dare, with the singing and dancing…"

"Hmmm…" Sif reflected for a moment, "Ah! Alright, so, once when us Asgardians were in the school… what do you call it?… cafeteria! We were eating in the cafeteria and a classmate walked by and tripped. (To this day I still believe Loki tripped him). Eh-hem! Anyways, his food went flying and landed all over me (Loki looked horrified, which only proves my case that it was him). Then I sort of gasped and exclaimed, 'Ew, you got food all over my armor, and I just cleaned it!'"

"That's it?" Jane asked.

"That's not so girly," Darcy laughed.

"It was for me," Sif shrugged.

* * *

A/N: Phew! That was one looooong chapter! (Sorry!) Next chapter: Even MORE truth or dare!

Thanks to those who've been reading this from the start! I appreciate your support!

P.S. sorry if there are spelling errors... I typed this WAAAAY faster than I should have! :S that's a squiggle-nervous-mouth by the way...


	18. Truth or Dare: Part 3!

A/N: Oh, we're still not done with truth or dare! Nope. In fact, there's gonna have to be another chapter of it after this one! Honestly, it seemed shorter when I wrote it but now... I apologize for this...

Dsiclaimer: I don't own Marvel, Moves Like Jagger or anything else mentioned that I don't own but forgot about.

* * *

The truly epic game of truth or dare went on as if time didn't matter. (I mean, of course it doesn't, this is a story- what?! I didn't say any!)

Eh-hem! Anyways, back in the living room with the dudes, it was just about time for Fandral to challenge Volstagg.

"Truth or dare, my friend?" Fandral smiled.

"Truth is what I choose," Volstagg replied, "Now… hurry and ask, no… time to loose!"

"Al-riiiight," Fandral replied, "Who is the worst person to try and have a conversation with?"

"Easy is this, my word!" Volstagg exclaimed, "Hogun, our friend, never speaks or is heard!"

The others, as usual, laughed at his rhyme.

"Ian, what do you choose?" Volstagg continued, "Truth or dare, win or loose?"

"I'll go with dare," Ian replied, "And win… I suppose."

"The science equipment of Jane you must steal," Volstagg dared, "Although it will not be for real."

"Oh dear," Ian sighed.

"But as a robber you must dress," Volstagg added, "This will cause a bit more stress."

"Well… okay," Ian muttered. He went to his room and put on all black clothing. Then, he went it not Jane's lab and grabbed a lot of important equipment. Next, he "sneaked" past the kitchen very slowly.

"Jane?" Sif commented calmly, "Who is that man in black?"

"HEY! GET BACK HERE WITH MY EQUIPMENT!" Jane screamed, then tackled Ian to the ground, "Ian?!"

"Uh, hello Dr. Foster!" he replied, standing up.

"What the heck do you think you're doing?!" She shouted.

"Truth or dare!" Ian exclaimed, running quickly down the hall and out of sight.

A few minutes later, he returned to the living room in his regular clothes, having first returned all of Jane's equipment to the safety of her lab.

"Alright Thor," Ian said once he had seated himself, "Truth or dare?"

"Dare, my friend!" Thor replied boldly.

"Yes! Okay, I dare you to go up onto the roof," Ian stated, "And sing loudly to the town."

"Oh dear," Thor mumbled.

"Or you could be the first to use his one and only pass," Loki smirked, "O brave brother of mine."

"I accept!" Thor returned and then irritatedly marched away to the roof.

Once up there, he began singing an Asgardian song about… Asgard! (And of course the other guys were just outside the front door listening).

"Asgard, land of us the gods!" Thor sang in his baritone, unpracticed singing voice, "O golden Asgard, with it's palace so fine!"

People walking by craned their necks to see what was going on.

("The first one-person flash mob outta there was much more exciting," one onlooker commented).

"Rolling hills of lush green grass!" He continued loudly, "Birds sing their songs of joy and pride!"

("He's terrible," Ian whispered honestly. "I know!" Loki laughed in reply).

"The valkyries will ride to-night!" Thor sang, "And Odin's ravens will take flight! O As-gard! O As-gard!"

("What IS that?!" Jane exclaimed inside. "Sounds like Thor is singing," Sif replied. "Sounds like Thor is getting strangled," Darcy retorted).

"O As-gard! O As-gard!" Thor sang.

("Ugh, I forgot this part of the song," Fandral complained).

"O As-gard! O As-gard! O A-a-a-a-asgard!" Thor sang.

("Is he done yet?" Ian asked. "No, he's got three more verses to go," Loki replied).

"The golden halls of Odin stand!" Thor continued, "And casts its shadow across the land! The feasting hall will sing to-night! Of the valorous thunder-god Thor's might!"

("When does it end?" A pained-sounding passer-by asked no one in particular).

"And then Idunna will come around! With her apples of gold so bright and round!" he proceeded, "And the bards will tell stories of battle! And the good deeds done by the heroes of their realm! O As-gard, O Asgard, O A-a-a-a-asgard!"

("He just cut the line about me out!" Fandral exclaimed. "There is no line about you," Loki replied in in confusion. "Wait- that line isn't about me?!" Fandral shouted).

"Come all ye of beauty and valor!" Thor sang.

("Oh, wait! There it is!" Fandral smiled. "That line is NOT about you," Loki muttered).

"Come all ye of might and power!" Thor continued, though it was clear he was getting tired, "Come to the grand hall and feast! With the gods of Asgard eternal!"

("Mommy, what's an Asgard?" Jimmy asked his mother, who shook her head in utter bewilderment).

"O As-gard! O As-gard! O A-a-asgard!… my HOME!… My LIIIFE!… My REEEEEEALM!"

Thor bowed quickly and practically ran back inside.

The other men met him back in the living room.

"That was awful," Thor stated.

"You took the words right out of my mouth," Loki nodded.

"I can't believe that line isn't about me," Fandral murmured in shock.

"Sif is much better than you," Volstagg laughed, "And so good at entertaining too."

Speaking of Sif, it was her turn to challenge Darcy. (Well, you know, once they all got their breath back from laughing at Thor).

"Dare!" Darcy replied bodly.

"Uh… hmm," Sif muttered, "Jane, I must seek your counsel for a moment."

The two women whispered back-and-forth for a couple seconds, then returned to Darcy.

"Darcy, I dare you to go outside with a sign that reads 'Honk if I'm cute' until at least 3 people do so," Sif stated, with a hint of a smirk appearing on her face.

"I accept," Darcy responded, "But what did you need Jane for?"

"I did not know if… cars made noises," Sif admitted with a shrug.

Darcy drew a quick sign and headed outdoors.

"Let's time her!" Jane said with a sound of amusement in her voice.

"Alright!" Sif laughed.

After only four minutes, Darcy returned.

"It took you four minutes," Jane reported.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know I was TIMED!" Darcy exclaimed angrily, "There were, like, no cars on the road today! By the way, a kid honking his bicycle horn at me counts, right?"

"Ha! Yes, I should think so," Sif chuckled.

In the meantime, back in Manland, it was Thor's turn to challenge Loki. He desperately hoped that his brother chose dare, because he wanted some form of revenge for being made to sing.

"Truth or dare, brother?" Thor asked.

Loki knew Thor like nobody else did, so he picked up the tiniest hint of malice in his voice and that sneaky glint in his eye, yet for some reason, Loki heard himself respond with, "Uhm… dare… O merciful brother of mine."

"It's too bad you mentioned mercy," Thor smiled. Very evilly.

"Oh…" Loki muttered something that sounded like a curse.

"I dare you, Loki," Thor began, "To walk into the kitchen-"

"That's not so bad!" Loki exclaimed, purposely cutting him off.

"AND you must sing the song 'Moves Like Jagger' whilst doing the moves from Just Dance," Thor grinned even more evilly, which hadn't seemed possible a couple seconds ago, "AND you must do so until one of the women tells you to leave."

"I don't remember the-" Loki started.

"Oh, come now brother!" Thor exclaimed, "I've known you my whole life! I can tell when you're lying."

"Most of the time," Loki mumbled with a hidden smile, then said, "Alright, I accept."

Loki got up and prepared himself for the what would probably become most embarrassing thing he had ever done. But very suddenly, he came up with the perfect way to get the women to quickly demand his exit.

"What's up with all this singing anyways?" Loki grumbled before he strutted into the kitchen and began singing," Just shoot for the stars, if it feels right. And aim for my heart, if you feel like it."

Obviously the women, who were still cooking, mind you, had turned to give him confused expressions. Loki kept dancing and singing, doing his best to ignore them.

"Take me away, make it okay, I swear I'll behave," Loki sang in his not-perfect-but-definitely-not-as-bad-as-Thor voice and then he began whistling the interlude… and smiled as he thought of the best time to hatch his plan.

The women had been stunned at first, but obviously figured out that it was a dare and though he was slightly distracting, they continued cooking.

"You wanted control, so we waited," Loki continued singing, and dancing, "I put on a show, now I make it," he danced closer to the counter, which all the women stood behind cooking, "You say I'm a kid! My ego is big! I don't…" Loki paused his singing but kept dancing, deciding it was best to cut out the 'bad word', "And it goes like this UH!"

And then the plan began.

Loki ran into the middle of the already cramped group of women and kept on dancing and singing obnoxiously loud, "Take me by the tongue and I know you!" The women had already been crowded, but now they had Loki dancing around them, between them, singing in their faces, with their spoons and other irksome things, "Kiss me till you're drunk and I'll show you all the moves like Jagger!" Loki dodged around Sif, purposely 'just missing' her pan of food by mere inches, "I've got the moves like Jagger," Loki turned around, as he was still doing the Just Dance moves, but he went around Darcy in a circle, "I've got the MOOOO-OOOO-OOOVES like Jag-ger!" He could see Jane was already frustrated as he danced by her with one of her spoons.

"Gimme that!" She snapped angrily. wrenching it from his grasp as he continued.

"UH! I don't need to try to control you!" He sang, dancing around Darcy, and observing the weirded-out look on her face which was mixed with mild amusement and exasperation. He didn't have the guts to look at Sif as he danced by her again, "UH! Look into my eyes and I own you, with the moves like Jagger!" He danced passed Darcy, "I've got the moves like Jagger!" He danced into Sif's way, "I've got the MOOOO-OOOO-OOOVES like-"

"Loki, GET OUT OF OUR WAY!" Sif exclaimed, sounding more aggravated than infuriated.

He immediately stopped singing and dancing and said casually, "Of course Sif, O lady of angry cooks," and then walked unceremoniously back to the living room.

"He has a good voice," Darcy shrugged, "Better than Thor."

"Darcy, EVERYONE'S voice is better than Thor's," Sif stated, then added quietly, "But yes, his voice is rather good."

"I choose dare, Darcy," Jane said.

"I didn't ask," Darcy chuckled awkwardly.

"I know," Jane replied, "I was trying to get this show on the road!"

"Alright, alright! Geez," Darcy exclaimed, "Okay then, JANE, I dare you to… drink a glassful of melted butter and I needn't remind you that your pass is no longer available."

"Oh, man!" Jane mumbled.

She sighed heavily and went about melting a stick of butter. Sif and Darcy walked in suspense as she chugged down the entire glass.

"Ugh! That was gross!" Jane exclaimed, sticking out her tongue in disgust.

"Really? I always figured it would taste good," Darcy said, sounding disappointed.

Anyways, Loki had just reentered the living a couple of moments ago.

"Nice performance," Fandral teased.

"Truth or dare?" Loki merely responded.

"Dare!" Fandral exclaimed, sounding bold at first but then sounding like he regretted the decision by the end of the word.

"Fandral, O man of wax-like hair," Loki began, "I dare you to legitimately dye said hair purple."

"PASS!" Fandral screamed, "I use my pass!"

"Are you sure?" Loki asked.

"I don't care if I'm the first to use my pass, I'm using it!" He shouted in response.

"Very well," Loki shrugged, almost like a disappointed parent.

"Volstagg, truth or dare?" Fandral inquired of his rotund friend.

"Dare, I say!" Volstagg replied, "I hope I won't regret that in a day!"

"Volstagg, they say that you'll eat anything," Fandral began, "Well, I should like to see if you can also DRINK anything. I dare you to drink a glass of straight lemon juice."

"That is not so hard," Volstagg exclaimed, "Though I still hate talking like a bard."

Volstagg went into the kitchen, followed by the others, and he found Jane washing what appeared to be melted butter out of her glass.

"Where is your lemon juice, Jane?" he inquired, "Fandral's dare is such a pain."

"Uhm… it's in the refrigerator," Jane responded.

Everyone watched as Volstagg filled a glass with the juice of lemons- and then chugged it down.

He coughed and sputtered a bit, but then spread his arms as if to say, "Ta-da!"

After a small applause and once Volstagg had cleaned out his cup, the men returned to the living room and the women returned to their game.

Jane began with, "Hey, Sif: truth or dare?"

"Dare," Sif replied, "They are much funner than truths."

"A-ha! I've got it!" Jane said, "I dare you to, in the middle of the night tonight, put make-up on all of the men (excluding Ian) while they're sleeping."

"Ha! I accept!" Sif responded joyfully, "You will be supplying the make-up, I take it?"

"Yeah, I didn't think you had brought any with you," Jane joked.

Meanwhile, the unsuspecting men continued their game as normal.

"Truth or dare sir?" Volstagg inquired of Ian, "I hope you won't… cause a stir…?"

"Truth," Ian replied with a nod or two.

"Hm, what did you first think of Darcy, young man?" Volstagg proposed, "Try to remember if you can."

"Well, truthfully," Ian stated, "I remember thinking she was just a… strange American tourist. I met her over in England, by the way."

"I heard that!" came Darcy's voice from the kitchen.

"Admit it: you're strange." they heard Jane say back.

"Er… Thor, truth or dare?" Ian continued.

"I choose dare." Thor replied, but any hints of bravado had disappeared.

Ian had to think for a moment: What would be embarrassing to Thor?

"Aha!" Ian exclaimed, "I dare you to climb a telephone pole and yell for help as if you can't get down."

Thor looked mildly confused, "Telephone pole?"

"The tall, wooden posts outside with wires attached to them," Ian explained, "Oh, and you probably shouldn't touch the wires…"

"Oh, alright," Thor replied.

He walked outside and located the nearest phony pole. As he walked towards it, he thought about how embarrassing this was going to be, but surely it was better than being the second one to use his pass! He began climbing the pole with slight difficulties.

"Hey!" A woman called up to him. It was Roxana Jekyll, the best friend of Jane's neighbor Charlotte Ruggles, "Are you maintenance?"

"No!" Thor called back down simply.

"Well then, what're you doing?!" Roxana shouted, her dark, perfectly straight hair falling over her shoulders as she craned her head back to look up at Thor.

"Climbing the pole," Thor replied, "I suspect there will be a good view!"

Roxana considered calling the police, but then, realizing she was in front of Jane Foster's Home for Strange People, merely shook her head and walked off.

Thor reached the top of the pole (amazingly) and then pretended like he was getting frantic.

"Help! Someone ell!" He yelled at the top of his voice, "I'm stuck!"

Roxana watched him from a nearby from an outdoor cafe table.

"What a nutcase," She muttered to her boyfriend, who nodded in agreement.

"Help! HELP!" Thor continued shouting.

Back in the kitchen, the women heard someone shouting for assistance, so naturally, Sif went out to save then. And obviously Darcy and Jane followed. They ran out to find Sif standing in front of a telephone pole, hands on her hips and looking up towards the top of the pole. As they came to stand next to her, Jane could see that their was a person a the top of the pole. And that person was…

"THOR?!" Jane shouted, realizing he had been causing the ruckus, "The the heck are you doing up there?!"

"It's a dare!" He called down before continuing, "Help! Please, someone help me get down!"

The women watched this for a a couple moments before Sif declared, "He got himself up there, he can get himself down." and lead the other two women back inside. The other men were obviously watching from inside and laughing— until a concerned passer-by ruined the fun by calling the fire department.

The truck pulled up and raised the latter to Thor.

"Aw, come on, it was just getting good," Loki complained.

The firemen helped Thor down the latter and eventually to the ground.

"Are you well, sir?" One fireman asked with genuine concern.

"Quite so, thank you for rescuing me," Thor replied.

"What were you doing up there, anyways?" Another fireman inquired.

"Truth or dare," Thor shrugged, "You know how it is."

"Oh, yeah…" The first fireman replied, "There was this one time I was dared to—"

"Not the tarantula story again!" The other fireman complained.

"Thank you, have a nice day!" Thor exclaimed and then quickly went back to the house.

Back in the living room, the men were still chuckling when Thor arrived.

"Truth or dare?" He growled at Loki.

"Uh— truth," Loki said quickly, then added, "O infuriated Thor."

"Truthfully…" Thor thought a moment, "What is the most annoying thing about everyone in this house?"

"Well that's easy!" Loki exclaimed, "First, we have Ian, man of awkward conversation. Second we have Thor, the most outrageously implusive and arrogant Asgardian EVER. Then there's Fandral, the man who loves his own reflection more than he claims to love—hm let's see— any woman he's ever met. Volstagg, O man of food, you are the noisiest eater I have ever met, I can hear you chew everything. Then there's Jane the Woman of Science, who has a penchant for slapping me and is blind to her own arrogance and pompous manners. The strange woman Darcy… Darcy's just weird and way too energetic on occasions. And Sif, lady of war, has a large problem with anger-management and loves to argue that she's always right."

"I said everyone in the house," Thor stated, "You forgot someone."

"Oh yes!" Loki said, "The most annoying thing about me, Loki the Wonderful, is that I can't use my Frost Gain heritage to turn you into an ice cube."

Thor merely shook his head in response.

Back in the kitchen, Sif had just challenged Darcy, who picked truth.

"Darcy," Sif began, "If you had to move to Asgard, and you could never come back to Earth, truthfully, what one item would you bring?"

"Wow…hmm," Darcy thought for a moment, "Okay, I think I would bring my cell phone, so that I could call my family and take pictures to send them… although first I'd have to figure out how to get cell towers onto Asgard…"

"I choose truth," Jane interrupted, knowing Darcy could possibly go on all day about this.

"Ha! You have no pass!" Darcy squealed, "Okay, so, if you and to date one of the Avengers, besides Thor, who would you truthfully want to date?"

"UMMM…" Jane's eyes widened as she thought for a moment, "I guess Captain America… I mean, he doesn't have major anger-issues, he's not a playboy and… I don't know what Hawkeye's like."

"I've heard he's nice," Darcy replied, "But anyways…"

Back in the living room, Loki was just asking Fandral if he choose truth or dare.

Fandral shrugged, "Dare?"

"You don't have a pass…" Loki said, "Hm. Alright then, Fandral (o man of shiny hair). I dare you to write a poem for Colleen, lady of coral hair. Furthermore, you must recite this loam to Colleen, lady of black clothing, when we visits the store tomorrow. Additionally, your poem must not be intended to offend or otherwise harm Colleen the Pale One in any way, shape or form."

Fandral sat with his mouth hanging open slightly for a couple moments.

"You can't pass," Loki stage-whispered.

"I (grudgingly) accept," Fandral replied, "Volstagg, truth or dare?"

"Dare!" Volstagg responded, "Please make it fair!"

"Well, my friend," Fandral smiled, "I dare you to go outside and great everyone you see. This you must do for one minute. During this time, you do not have to rhyme."

"Alright," Volstagg stated, "This will be a sight."

Then he went outside for a minute and said 'Hello' to anyone who walked by him. One time, a mother picked up her toddler and ran away. Another time, a boy on his news paper route flung a paper at him, saying, "Here, now you have something better to do!"

Volstagg trudged back in after the minute was up, sad that he had to rhyme again.

"Truth or dare?" Volstagg asked Ian, "I would choose with care."

"I choose dare," Ian replied.

"In the store you must tell everyone that your accent isn't there," Volstagg said, "It will give them quite a scare…?"

"So.. I have to tell everyone I see that I don't have an accent?" Ian clarified.

Volstagg merely nodded, to save himself from rhyming.

* * *

A/N: Well, whaddayaknow? Nex' chap'r's gonna be s'more truth 'r dare... it's best not to question why I suddenly started typing in a Southern-ish accent...

Thanks to all who review! I appreciate it!

Oh, and hey! I'm entering the WeLoveFine Spider-verse Design contest! The way it works is: I draw someone from Marvel's spider-verse (i.e. Spider-man) I submit my art. YOU vote for my art and if my design gets enough votes, it could be made into a t-shirt! Cool, right? Here's where YOU come in: voting starts sometime after Sept. 15 (2015). Go to my profile, and I list the names of all my designs. You can go to my Deviantart and see the disigns, then follow their links to WeLoveFine... or you can just go straight from my profile to WeLoveFine. (if you don't like my designs, you don't HAVE to vote for them... but that would be so nice of you...)

I REALLY appreciate the support and would love to get your vote! Thanks guys- you're the best!


	19. The End of Truth or Dare!

A/N: OH MY GOSH, IT'S FINALLY THE LAST CHAPTER OF TRUTH OR DARE! (Celebration ensues) Eh-hem, anyway, enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel, Aladdin, Count of Monte Cristo... so there!

* * *

Back with the ladies, it was time for Jane to challenge Sif, who had just chosen dare.

"Sif, I dare you to curl your hair into ringlets and wear it to the store like that tomorrow," Jane said.

"NEVER!" Sif shouted, "I pass!"

"Are you sure?" Darcy exclaimed.

"I was forced to wear ringlets until I was seven-years-old!" Sif retorted, "I will NEVER be seen like that again! So, yes, I pass!"

"Wow," Darcy replied, "Okay…"

At the same time in the living room, Ian was about to challenge Thor.

"Truth or dare?" he said.

"Dare." Thor replied bravely.

"Alright, Thor I dare you to go into the kitchen and talk to yourself in the third-person plural until someone asks what you're doing," Ian stated.

"I accept… with reluctance," Thor responded.

He entered the kitchen. The women hadn't noticed, because Jane was using a blender (the reason that their game had paused, as well).

"Hm, we need to go to bed earlier," Thor mumbled as Jane stopped blending, "We're very tired. Really? We're not."

The women looked at him like he was a three-headed bilgesnipe.

"We like to stay up— well, we don't!" Thor muttered, "We need something to eat— no we don't! We're not hungry! Oh yes we are!"

"Thor, are you gonna be okay?" Darcy exclaimed.

Thor paid her no mind and kept going, walking to the fridge and opening it, then closing it.

"No, we can wait until it is dinner time!"  
He opened it.  
"No, we won't!"  
He closed it.  
"Yes we will!"  
He opened it.  
"No, we most certainly will not—"

"Thor!" Sif interrupted, "What on Nifelhiem are you DOING?!"

"Truth or dare, Sif," Thor replied, "Truth or dare."

He walked back into the living room.

"Is there really a _Nifelhiem_?" Darcy asked in amusement.

"Yes," Sif replied, "Do find the name funny?"

"Yeah," Darcy giggled.

"Truth or dare?" Sif responded.

"I'm feeling brave: dare." She replied.

A mischievous smile broke onto Sif's face, "Okay, Darcy, I dare you to tickle anyone else you see in the store tomorrow, excluding only Jane and myself."

"I accept!" Darcy whooped.

In the living room…

"Truth or dare, Loki?" Thor grinned.

"Truth," Loki replied, not trusting that smile one bit.

"Truth, eh?" Thor smiled wider. Loki gulped silently, "Truthfully, did you find Agent Natasha Romanoff to be attractive?"

"Oh dear," Loki flushed only slightly, "Well…. yes I suppose she WAS a comely woman. Nice hair color, too."

"I should hope it wasn't pink," Fandral joked.

"No, it was a lovely shade of tangerine," Loki replied, then coughed, "But I digress. Truth or dare?"

"Oh my…" Fandral said, "Uh… dare—"

"HA-HA! YES!" Loki burst out in an overjoyed manner, "I can finally get to curse someone else with… DANCING!"

"Oh no—" Fandral began to moan.

"Fandral the 'charming', I dare you to go behind everyone you see in the store tomorrow and dance until they notice you!" Loki smiled, "This of course excludes all of us and our lady-friends, and you can only use moves from Just Dance."

"What?!" Fandral cried angrily, "You're limiting me?!"

"Hey, who's dare is this? Oh right," Loki retorted, "Mine! And, SURPRISE! You can't pass because you don't have one!"

"Fine!" Fandral exclaimed miserably, "Volstagg, truth or dare?"

"Dare—" Volstagg began.

"Alright!" Fandral snapped, "I dare you to not eat dinner! It's not like you'll starve!"

Volstagg gave Fandral an angry, appalled stare as the other men laughed.

"I pass this dare!" He exclaimed, "Tis not fair!"

As the other men laughed again, Jane was about to receive her dare from Darcy. Darcy wanted to make Jane do something embarrassing in the store, since she herself had an embarrassing task to preform.

"Darcy, I'm waiting!" Jane muttered impatiently.  
"Geez, patience is not YOUR virtue, is it?" Darcy retorted, "Jane, I dare you to tell every man in the store tomorrow that you love him."

"What?! But— but—" Jane stammered.

"No buts! No exceptions!" Darcy returned, "All men you see! And when I say men, I mean males over 19. And you technically can't pass."

Darcy smiled.

"Sometimes Darcy…" Jane muttered, looking like she wanted to strangle her intern, "Sif truth or dare?"

"Dare… I think," Sif responded hesitantly.

"Dare…dare, dare, dare, dare, dare…" Jane thought, "Ah! I dare you to go… I don't know, yank on Thor's hair."

"What?!" Sif exclaimed.

"You don't have a pass!" Darcy sang.

"Oh dear…" Sif mumbled, walking into the living room. Just as Volstagg asked Ian 'truth or dare?', Sif snuck up behind Thor and pulled his hair. Really hard.

"YEEOOW!" Thor shouted, "Sif, what in Valhalla are you trying to DO to me?!"

"Sorry! Sorry!" She exclaimed, "Truth or dare! It's Jane's fault!"

"Is not!" they heard Jane's voice shout offendedly.

"It is too!" Sif retorted as she returned to the kitchen.

"Ha, your face!" Fandral chortled.

Thor merely glared at him and massaged his own scalp.

"I'll take a dare, Volstagg," Ian finally responded.

"I dare you to put a sign on Darcy's back that says 'splash me' at the beach," Volstagg said, "Uh… for a rhyme, my brain is trying to reach…"

Ian laughed, "I gladly accept the dare! Thor?"

"I choose dare as well," Thor replied.

Ian seemed to think for a moment. Then, slowly, a smile spread across his face.

"Thor, I dare you to prank call, er, Black Widow, and ask her to join you on a date," Ian stated, "And the phone has to be on speaker, so we can all hear what she's saying."

Thor's mouth hung open slightly as he considered it.

"Eheheh, I bet she'll beat you up!" Loki said in an almost sing-song voice.

"You forgot my title!" Thor snapped back.

"She, the beautiful super-agent will beat you up, O Blonde Bonehead," Loki replied.

"Hey, hey, hey!" came Jane's voice from the kitchen, "Can you two please try to get along so we can avoid the house blowing up?"

"Yes, Jane," The two men called back, very angrily.

"Well, Natasha doesn't even know where I am to come and beat me up," Thor retorted, "So I accept the dare!"

After a couple minutes which were spent trying to find Natasha's number, and once Ian turned on speaker phone and dialed the number for Thor, they waited until Natasha picked up.

"Hello? Who's speaking, please?" They heard Black Widow's distinctive voice inquire.

"Hello, Natasha, it's Thor," he replied.

"Thor?" she responded, "Are you back on Earth? What's going on?"

"Nothing. I am back on Earth," Thor stated, "…And I figured, while I was here… you could join me for dinner. Just the two of us."

There was silence.

"Natasha?" Thor said.

"What-did you…?" She exclaimed, "Did you just ASK ME OUT?!"

"Well, I suppose in mortal terms that's what you'd call it, "Thor replied, faking a charismatic voice, "On Asgard we just call it… inviting you to dinner."

There was a pause, then, "Are you kidding me? Please tell me you're joking."

She did NOT sound happy.

"I am kidding! We're-playing-truth-or-dare-at-Jane's-house-and-I-chose-dare-have a nice night!" Thor stated quickly and hung up just as fast.

"I think she likes you," Loki joked with a smirk and a wink, then added, "O fearless one."

"Shut up, Loki!" Thor exclaimed, "Truth or dare?"

Loki raised his hand.

"Okay, you can talk," Thor huffed in annoyance. His brother's joking manner got irritating really fast sometimes.

"Ah, thank you, "Loki sighed, "Hrm… I don't know… hum, hum, hum… uh, I'm going to go with… dare."

"Ha ha!" Thor cried. He looked like he was plotting Loki's downfall, and usually it went the other way around. Loki found that he did not like being on the receiving end of this action, and was much more comfortable when he was the plotter, "Loki, my dare is this: at the beach, you must somehow pick up one of our lady-friends and toss her into the water, no matter how cold the water may be or how hard she struggles."

"Which woman?" Loki made the mistake of asking. Everyone else (minus Thor) took a sharp inhale of breath, as if they too had seen the huge mistake.

Thor grinned evilly and uttered one word that changed Loki's life forever.

"Sif."

"I'm going to die," Loki muttered miserably.

"Or you could pass," Thor said, still smirking.

"Please. I needn't waste my pass," Loki replied, "I'm sure you, O dear brother, will come up with something far worse next round."

"So you accept?" Thor asked.

Loki sighed heavily, "I accept."

"Hey, dinner's almost ready, so this is the last round!" Jane declared, quickly poking her head in and then out of the room.

"DARN IT!" Loki exclaimed.

Thor laughed until Loki shot him a death-glare that was so infuriated-looking he stopped.

Jane returned to the kitchen as Sif said, "Darcy, are you sure you want a dare?"

"Positive, Sif." Darcy retorted.

"Alright," Sif shrugged, "You asked for it. Darcy, I dare you to locate someone on the beach tomorrow with a beverage and then put sand in it. The beverage, I mean."

"Anyone?" Darcy inquired.

Sif shrugged again, "Anyone except everyone in the house."

Darcy very suddenly bolted to the living room. A couple moments later, she reentered the kitchen dejectedly.

"Rats. All of our dude pals are in the house," she muttered.

"Do you accept?" Sif asked.

"Eh, sure. Why not?" Darcy smiled.

"And I should like to be there when the person drinks it," Sif added with a small smile.

"Of course!" Darcy returned, and then turned to Jane, "Doc?"

"Dare." Jane replied flatly as she put dinner (home-made burgers) into the oven.

Darcy giggled, "I dare you to dump a bucket FULL of seaweed on the first guy you see at that beach -Which of course, excludes our friends."

"Well, naturally, I accept," Jane responded.

"Because you don't have a pass!" Darcy sang under her breath.

Back in the living room, Loki had asked a very fearful Fandral the question.

"Dare," Fandral replied, regretting it the instant it slipped out of his mouth.

"Dare, eh?" Loki said. If he was burdened with such a mortifying (and possibly life-threatening) dare at the beach, why shouldn't he include Fandral in it too? "Fandral, O man of absurd mustaches, I dare you to pretend to drown at the beach, and… I don't know, see what happens?"

"What if no one saves me?!" Fandral exclaimed.

"You're pretending, remember?" Loki stated, "If no one saves you in the water, then pretend to wash up on shore- besides, this is your dare! Don't ask me what to do, just let things play out!"

"Fine then!" Fandral snapped back, "I accept…(oh, my hair's going to be a mess)… Volstagg, truth or dare?"

"Dare," he replied, "As if I care."

"Hm…" Fandral got an impish smile on his face, then leaned over and whispered his dare into Volstagg's ear.

"What? They'll murder me!" Volstagg exclaimed, "Just watch, you'll see!"

"No, just-" Fandral whispered some more in Volstagg's ear. The other men looked around at each other, as if one of then had an explanation for what was going on. The expression on Volstagg's face told them that the secretive dare wasn't going to be fun.

"I accept…" Volstagg began, then paused, trying to find a rhyme.

"For taking on such a challenging dare," Fandral declared, "I hereby say that Volstagg no longer has to rhyme. Plus, it's close to dinner time anyways."

The other men agreed, but they were still extremely concerned about that secret dare.

Sif meanwhile, was equally concerned, as she had just chosen dare, and Jane was looking particularly crafty. Sif remember with sudden urgency that she had no pass.

"A dare, hm?" Jane said, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow, "Okay, Sif. Let's see how brave you really are."

"I don't like where this seems to be going," Sif muttered.

"Sif, I dare you to go tell Loki that you love him," Jane stated.

Sif stood there with her mouth hanging open slightly, looking angry and flabbergasted at the same time. Darcy glanced between her and Jane.

"Wait- _you_ like _Loki_?!" She whisper-shouted.

"No! He's just a friend!" Sif retorted, "But JANE seems to think otherwise!"

"Well, you don't have anyone back on Asgard, do you?" Darcy asked curiously.

Sif frowned slightly, "…No…But that doesn't mean anything!"

"Would you rather tell Fandral that you love him?" Jane inquired, with as much sass as she could muster.

"Ha!" Sif laughed incredulously, "I'd rather kiss a rabid bilgesnipe."

"So, Loki it is, then?" Darcy joked, then added thoughtfully, "You know, I can see him being your type-"

"I don't HAVE a 'type'!" Sif exclaimed, but added shortly, "But yes, I'd rather Loki than Fandral. Do you know how much that would inflate that blonde bozo's ego?"

"Hey, just out of curiosity," Darcy asked Sif, "Has Fandral ever hit on you?"

"Only about 500 time too many," Sif grumbled, "And I needn't tell you that he failed all 500 times."

"Hey, um, back to my dare," Jane interrupted, "You don't have any passes, Sif, so it's either Fandral or Loki, and I'm pretty sure you already shot down the Fandral idea."

Sif stood there for a moment, her eyes shut and a pained expression on her face.

"Sif? What're you doing?" Darcy inquired.

"Trying to think of a way out of this," Sif replied, then sighed. And then an idea hit her, "I accept… now, I can do this anytime, right? As long as I do it in front of you?"

"Sure," Jane shrugged, "Why not?"

"You know," Darcy added thoughtfully, "It's usually me who plays the matchmaker."

At this time, Volstagg was enjoying life without rhymes.

"Ian: truth or dare?" The rotund man inquired.

"Hm.. dare," Ian replied.

"Ah-ha! A dare!" Volstagg exclaimed, "Brave man. Ian, I dare you to sing a romantic song from that movie… _Aladdin_! That's it! Right?"

"Yeah, but… just.. sing a song?" Ian asked.

"No, no, no! I haven't finished yet!" Volstagg stated, "I'm daring you to sing the duet from Aladdin to a maiden on the beach!"

"What?" Ian retorted, "Oh, fine! I accept. I just hope the poor woman doesn't punch me."

"Well at least she probably won't being trying to drown you after you complete your dare," Loki muttered, shooting Thor another Glare of Death, which Thor decided to just ignore.

"Truth or dare?" Ian questioned, turning to Thor.

"Truth." Thor replied. It seemed like everyone was receiving particularly nasty dares.

"Okay. Truthfully, "Ian asked, "Which one of your fellow Avengers irritates you the most?"

"Truthfully… Stark," Thor stated.

"Agreed," Loki grumbled, "But I think someone else just passed him on my list of people I strongly dislike."

Loki shot Thor yet another glare. Thor decided his brother wasn't ever going to forgive him for the whole dump-Sif-in-the-ocean dare.

"Dinner time!" Jane called from the kitchen.

The men all made their way into the kitchen, and though they wet laughing about their game, most of them were mentally worrying about the dares they had yet to complete.

Everyone started getting burgers and putting ketchup and mustard on them, taking way too many french fries, etcetera. Jane secretively elbowed Sif, coughed and flipped her hair towards Loki. Sif widened her eyes slightly and tilted her head in a way that could only be described as snarky.

Once everyone had their burgers completed and had gotten either fries, pickles or both, they all trooped into the living room and sat down. Sif purposely sat between Loki (her dare target) and Fandral (who was just there already). She hoped that her plan would work.

"What should we watch tonight?" Darcy asked.

"Something without singing, please," Loki said.

"And with real women- people!" Fandral exclaimed, "I meant people!"

Sif laughed as if these comments had actually been funny at all, "Oh, I love you!" She looked first at Loki, then Fandral, "You two are so funny!"

Loki cocked an eyebrow like he was confused, but Fandral smiled and said, "Why, thank you milady."

Sif looked at Jane and smiled triumphantly.

Jane shook her head, but she was smiling.

"Why don't we watch _The Count of Monte Cristo_?" Darcy suggested.

"What is it about?" Volstagg inquired.

"Well, it's a 'real people' movie, for starters," Darcy replied, "And it's about this man who is betrayed by his quote-unquote 'best friend' and is sent to prison."

"Story of my life," Loki muttered.

"I have never betrayed you!" Thor exclaimed, "And I didn't send you to prison!"

"I wasn't talking about you- since when are you my best friend?" Loki retorted.

"UM… so then he escapes prison-" Darcy tried to continue.

"Well, now, don't spoil the movie!" Sif interrupted.

"-AND goes on a quest for revenge," Darcy finished angrily.

"Let's watch it!" Fandral said cheerily.

"Well, as long as you didn't loose that, too," Loki said.

Darcy went over to the movie cabinet, "It's here… smarty-pants."

Loki raised an eyebrow in confusion again.

Darcy put the movie in and turned down the volume before pressing play. She didn't want another 'Aladdin incident'.

"Please don't blow our eardrums out again," Loki said.

"Yeah, yeah, I already got it," Darcy returned, "…Smart-aleck."

Loki opened his mouth to (most likely) start an argument as the movie started, so Sif whacked him on the thigh with the back of her hand as a way to tell him to shut up. Loki scowled at her, and Sif briefly took her eyes from the screen to turn and stick her tongue out at him. Then they both went back to watching the movie.

And that was the way their relationship as friends had gone for as long as anyone could remember.

Anyways, Volstagg had a hard time focusing on the film, because he was thinking about the secret dare Fandral had given him. It had to do with someone else in the house… and he knew they were going to be upset. But, Volstagg thought, the way Fandral had set up the dare was a bit… unintelligent, as in, the person would know to be angry with Fandral and probably wouldn't even know that Volstagg himself had anything to do with it.  
This made him feel much better, and so Volstagg continued dinner in a much happier manner.

When the movie (and dinner) had ended, the Asgardians all agreed that it had been their favorite so far.

"I loved all the songs," Loki said.

"Loki," Sif replied, "There were no songs."

Loki leaned over and whispered, "Exactly."

Sif shook her head in amusement as Thor said, "Personally, I liked all the action."

"And the subtlety of the romance," Sif commented.

"Yeah, I love that movie," Darcy stated, "Although the time he's in prison can get a bit long after you've seen it a bajillion times."

"Well, if you guys liked that, we should show you _The Mummy_ next," Jane said.

"The what?" Volstagg inquired.

"_The Mummy_," Ian clarified, "As in a mummified corpse."

"Ohh…" Volstagg returned.

"Is it with real people?" Fandral questioned.

"Yes…" Jane responded, "And it has real women, don't worry."

"Wha- I wasn't… worried… about… that," Fandral replied.

Darcy gave him a look, then said, "Oh sure."

Soon they had all done their dishes and gotten ready for bed. The Asgardians departed for the roof, Thor wishing Jane a good night's sleep first.

But of course, you know it's not going to be an uneventful night.

* * *

A/N: Next Chapter: completing nocturnal dares, going to the Dept. Store, completing in-store only dares, etc...

Thanks to all those who've been reviewing! You're support is much appreciated!


	20. Foster Residence War I

A/N: Hello all! Here's the next chapter, and personally, I love it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel.

* * *

Sif waited a full hour to be sure that the men were sound asleep. Things could turn ugly if they caught her fulfilling her dare- giving them all make-overs. She sat up and took a cosmetics bag out from under her pillow.

Suddenly, Volstagg stirred and sat up as well. Sif hastily dropped down to her lawn chair and shoved the make-up bag back under her pillow. She had been so sure that everyone was asleep! Volstagg arose, went over to the hatch and went inside. Sif felt panic rising. If Volstagg did not return soon, she would be unable to complete her dare. And she didn't dare start beautifying the others- what if Volstagg returned and saw them? Or worse, what if he caught her in the act?

She would have to wait for Volstagg to return.

"I'm not going to get much sleep tonight, am I?" She muttered, almost inaudibly, to herself.

Meanwhile, Volstagg snuck down the stairs and began searching for the supplies he needed to complete his top-secret dare.

Eventually, and with great difficulty, Volstagg had managed to track down all the items and set to work. A good 45 minutes later, his dare was completed and he returned to his bed… lawn chair… whatever it was.

Sif waited only 15 minutes after Volstagg had settled himself to get started. She knew he had fallen asleep due to the enormous amount of snoring coming from his location. Then she slowly sat up and said, in a tone only slightly softer then normal, "Hello?"

When no one replied or stirred, Sif got out of bed with the agility and stealth of a jaguar.

Wisely deciding to do Volstagg last, lest he wasn't sound asleep, Sif began with her first unsuspecting target: Loki. Crouching next to his lawn chair where he appeared to be sleeping peacefully, Sif cautiously and slowly unzipped the bag of cosmetics and rummaged through it quietly. She frowned upon realizing that she had forgotten the lipstick. That would've been so funny! And hard, she realized, as she was sure the men would awake if they felt something being smeared onto their lips.

Behind her, Fandral smacked his lips in his sleep.

_Not to mention they'd just lick it off_, Sif thought, slightly disgusted.

She turned back to her friend. Sif decided that doing eyeliner was too risky, because she'd probably slip and stab someone in the eye, considering how dark it was. Shrugging and selecting a green eye shadow, Sif turned to beautify Loki.

And then he had to go and roll over in his sleep.

"Oh really?" Sif murmured in exasperation.

She gently and hesitantly rolled him back over, very slowly. Once he was on his back, she carefully brushed the green make-up onto his eyelids. And just for the fun of it, she added gold accents. Because he was Loki.

"And now it matches your outfit," She smirked.

She stealthily crossed to Fandral and brushed a vibrant blue onto his eyes, dramatically going from dark to light. Then as just another evil thing to do, Sif brushed bright purple into all of his facial hair.

"And now _you_ actually have purple hair," she mumbled happily, "Well- some purple hair…"

Passing by Volstagg, she made-up Thor next, using a navy blue and accenting his eyes with silver. He groaned in his sleep and Sif mentally agreed with him. Moving over to Volstagg, she selected a very pretty orange color and applied it, then used a darker color to give him a cat-eye style that Darcy had said was very popular these days.

Sif smiled widely as she admired her work. Deciding to leave well enough alone, she went back to bed and did not retrieve the lipstick. After all, how would she have gotten it on them?

She was still smiling as she fell asleep.

* * *

Loki woke up the next morning with something in his eyes that felt like sand or dust. He blinked a bit and it went away, so he thought nothing of it. Yawning, Loki made his way sleepily inside, not caring enough to see if anyone else was awake yet.

He grabbed his clothes and headed to the bathroom to get dressed. On his way down the hall, he met Darcy.

She exploded with uncontrollable laughter.

"Good…morning?" Loki more asked than stated.

After a couple more bouts of chortles, Darcy managed to get out, "Morning! You look- ha!- beautiful- hahaha!- today!"

She exploded into unsuppressable giggles again as Loki narrowed his eyes, "What?"

Darcy was doubled over as the laughter gave her stomach cramps, so she merely kept at it and pointed to the bathroom, indicating for him to go look in the mirror.

Loki walked in and observed with rising fury the cosmetics on his visage. He attempted in vain to rub the make-up off, but it merely smudged. He used water, which helped but there was still evidence of the green eye shadow.

Darcy was still in hysterics as Loki marched out of the bathroom, aggressively grabbed her by the collar of her fluffy pink bathrobe and yanked her forward.

"Darcy Lewis, I am going to slit your throat!" Loki exclaimed in a state of pure and utter rage.

Darcy, who had never before witnessed Loki this angry, swallowed in fear, "Ulp! It- it wasn't me! I swear, I had nothing to do with it!"

"Then pray tell," Loki snarled in a low, threatening tone, "Who did this?"

Loki, still clutching her robe, backed Darcy slowly into the wall. If looks could kill, Darcy would be dead five times already. She swallowed hard again, and quickly decided to let Sif fend for herself.

"It- it w-was Sif!" Darcy stated hastily, "She did it because of a dare! Please don't kill me!"

As if suddenly realizing how violent he had been, Loki calmly let go of her robe and backed away, his far off look telling Darcy that he was probably already deciding how to attack poor Sif.

Darcy silently brushed down her bathrobe and cleared her throat. Loki's attention snapped back to her and Darcy twitched under his intense gaze.

"You had better not be lying," he stated, calm and threatening at the same time.

Darcy paused as he stomped off into the bathroom. He was the god of lies. She remembered one of their previous conversations, in which Loki had told her that, as the god of lies, he could tell them really well but also detect them easily. She realized that Odin taking away their powers had done more of a number on them then any of the Asgardians were willing to admit.

"Wow, what was all that about?" Jane asked, turning the corner.

"Sif completed her dare," Darcy returned, still sounding a bit shaken, "He just assumed I did it."

"Nice," Jane replied, "That says a lot about your reputation."

Stretching and yawning, Fandral came down the hall. Sif had not only given him extremely dramatic, electric blue eye make-up, but had gone so far as to make his facial hair bright purple as well.

The two women burst into loud, uproarious laughter that included Darcy snorting at some points.

"Good… morning, ladies?" Fandral said warily.

Sif entered behind him and tried to conceal her laughter. And failed epically, as she joined Darcy in snort-filled giggles. Fandral look ticked-off.

"Well, really!" he exclaimed, "Anyone care to tell me what's so funny?"

Before anyone could explain anything to poor Fandral, Loki arrived out of the bathroom. Darcy immediately stopped laughing and backed away from what she was going to turn into the next war. Loki looked like he was set to kill Sif, and Sif looked like she knew very well that her life was in danger. In fact, she looked fully prepared to brawl with Loki, but it turned out that was not what Fate had planned. Loki's anger-filled eyes drifted from Sif to Fandral, and then he burst into true, hearty laughter, a sound Sif had not heard in a very long time.

"Honestly!" Fandral cried out indignantly, "What is with you people?"

Everyone joined Loki in laughing again, and he was already doubled over with a hand on the wall to support himself. Once she was able to move again, Sif made her way into the bathroom. Fandral demanded an explanation, and the rest of his hysterical companions pointed to a mirror hanging on the wall down the hall. Fandral went to it and shouted an exclamation that Darcy guessed was and Asgardian swear.

But there was a chance that the Foster Residence War I wasn't to be avoided.

From inside the bathroom they heard Sif screech, "FANDRAAAAAAAAAAL!"

The laughter was silenced. Loki hadn't heard Sif yell like that since that time he 'accidentally' cut her hair. She burst from the bathroom and Jane expected steam to pour forth with the way-more-than-enraged Sif, who stood with one hand still on the door she had flung open and the other clutching a crumpled piece of paper. Fandral smiled sheepishly back at her.

"Y-yes Sif?"

"What is the meaning of THIS?!" She demanded, snapping the paper up and holding out towards the cowering blond man that flinched with her every word.

Darcy could see that what Sif held was actually a piece of paper and an envelope, which read, 'To: Fandral, From: Sif' on it. The '_i' _in her name was dotted with a heart, and as Darcy looked closer, there were in fact many hearts doodled around Fandral's name.

Loki, who, in Darcy's newly-formed opinion, was standing uncomfortably close to Sif, read the fake love-letter over her shoulder. "Oh my... Sif…" he murmured teasingly.

"I didn't write this!" She shouted, looking at him over her shoulder. Her expression turned to utter loathing as her eyes snapped back to Fandral, "Which means YOU DID!"

Fandral, who had attempted to wipe off the make-up, cringed as Sif stalked menacingly towards him. It was torturous how slowly she moved, and Jane mentally decided that Sif was displaying the best intimidation she had ever witnessed.

"I didn't do it!" Fandral exclaimed.

"Well then," Loki commented 'innocently', "What was that top-secret dare you gave to Volstagg?"

Fandral shot Loki a look of hatred over Sif's advancing form. Loki gave him a faked sympathetic frown in return.

"You DID do this!" SIf roared.

"No! It was Volstagg!" Fandral said desperately.

"Oh, don't you try to put this on him!" Sif shouted, all the time moving towards him."YOU made him do it! It was YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU!" With every shout of the word, the volume of Sif's voice increased, until on the last 'you' it was loud enough for Charlotte to hear next door, and Fandral flinched every single time. "Do you know how EMBARRASSING this is?!"

"Uh… no…?" Fandral whimpered.

Darcy and Jane watched in awe. Loki's eyebrows were raised in startled disbelief, and if he had had bangs, his eyebrows would've disappeared under them long before now.

"Well," Sif went on in a snarl, "Let me tell you. It's MORTIFYING! AS IF! I! WOULD EVER! WRITE! YOU! A LOVE-LETTER!"

Sif was close enough to Fandral by now that with each exclamation, he was sprayed with angry spittle as she screamed. Jane wasn't sure whether she wanted to break this fight up or go get the video camera to document it.

"He-hey, guuuys!" Darcy said hesitantly, "Let's just calm down, alright? It's just a silly game, and besides, we all still have to live with each other, right?"

Sif looked at Darcy, then back at Fandral, and screamed, "Not if I KILL HIM FIRST!" and launched herself at him with the fury of a rabid wolverine. Fandral made a noise that could only be described as a squeal, and Jane screamed as the two began rolling on the floor, Sif pounding at Fandral and him trying to push her off. They crashed into walls and tables, and one time even knocked a fame off the wall (luckily it didn't break). Jane and Darcy, completely wide-eyed in shock and mouths agape, backed up so as not to get hit.

Jane looked at Loki. He was just standing with his arms crossed as if this were an everyday occurrence.

"Loki!" she exclaimed, "Do something!"

Loki went, "Hm?" as if she had snapped him out of a daydream, and then he merely said, "Oh yes. Of course." and walked calmly over to where Sif appeared to be attempting to pull Fandral's goatee out and he looked to be trying to pushed her chin into her skull.

Darcy and Jane watched as Loki bent over Sif and, putting one arm under her stomach, lifted her- no- pulled her off of Fandral, saying, "Aaal-right, kids. Play time's over." He held her under his arm sort of like one might carrying a barrel or… whatever else one might carrying under one's arm, until Fandral had crawled backwards away from her and until she had stopped huffing and puffing.

"Can you behave yourself now?" Loki asked her in a fake stern voice.

"Put me down," She grumbled, more of annoyed and embarrassed than threatening.

Loki did so, and Sif stood staring at Fandral, who stood a ways off, staring angrily back and wiping blood out from under his nose.

Sif coughed awkwardly, "Fandral… I apologize for my… lack of anger-management… and for trying to pull your facial hair off."

"I accept you apology," Fandral replied, "I apologize daring Volstagg to make you look like you were a fawning admirer of me."

"I do not accept your apology but I acknowledge it and will not attack you again," Sif responded, then went into the bathroom to get ready again.

And just when Jane thought the Foster Residence War I had ended, Thor and Volstagg walked in looking rather upset.

"Who has done this?" Thor demanded angrily.

"It was I," Sif replied from the doorway, "Jane dared me to do it."

She smiled and, to the surprise of everyone, a tinkling little giggle came from her as she tilted her head and then disappeared into the bathroom.

Jane glanced at Thor and smiled, hoping she looked innocent.

Thor sighed heavily and muttered that he and Volstagg were off to the kitchen sink to rid themselves of their make-up. Loki and Fandral followed, leaving Darcy and Jane to stare at each other in the hall.

Ian walk around the corner sleepily.

"Did I miss something?" He yawned.

* * *

Before breakfast, everyone had removed their make-up, tore apart fake love-letters and gently stroked their goatees that were luckily still on their faces.

"I guess we all got each other a little too angry with our dares," Sif shrugged as they all made their way into the kitchen.

"That was angry?!" Fandral exclaimed, "More like frenzied insanity…"

"Fandral," Darcy warned.

"I apologized," Fandral retorted, "What more do you want from me?"

"Yay, shopping trip today!" Jane exclaimed in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Most everyone moaned, thus signaling that Jane's attempt had failed.

"I still have dares to complete!" most of the moaners moaned in explanation.

"Okay, well, other than the dares," Darcy said, "It's going to be fun!"

"Shopping isn't fun," Loki stated.

"Not if you have that attitude," Darcy returned.

"You just like it because you're a girl," Loki said.

"That's rude," Darcy replied, "And discriminatory."

"Okay, we just ended Foster Residence War I," Jane stated, "Can we please not start FRW II in the same morning?"

"Roger that, President Foster," Darcy said with a salute.

"I'm not the President," Jane replied with an annoyed sigh.

Darcy cocked an eyebrow in disbelief.

"I'm the Empress," Jane smiled, then turned to help the others make breakfast.

"Oh, for-give ME, Empress!" Darcy exclaimed, pretending to bow with her arms outstretched.

"You may rise," Jane replied, "So anyways, I think we'll break up the same way as last time. Ian will take the men to their department and us ladies will (obviously) go to the women's department."

Everyone agreed that this made the most sense and breakfast was eaten with everyone surprisingly on good terms with one another.  
Once breakfast was eaten, more coupons were printed out and everyone had either their purses or their wallets, they all trooped out and got into the van, everyone taking the same seats as last time. The driver's seat ended up being empty.

"Oh. Erik's not here," Ian said.

"Who's going to drive?" Darcy asked.

"I guess I will," Jane stated.

She moved into the driver's seat next to Ian, and Darcy moved up a row, so that now there wasn't four people in the three-seat back-back row.

"Hello!" She said to Thor and Volstagg as she squeezed in between them.

"Now, if anyone sees anything strange," Jane stated as she pulled out of the driveway, "You just let me know, okay?"

Everyone acknowledged with an "okay!" and then conversations began.

"Say, Fandral?" Loki said, "Did you ever write Colleen's poem? Or are you just going to…" Loki spread his arms out dramatically.

"Am I just going to-" Fandral spread his arms out, mimicking Loki, "No, actually, I was going to just make it up off the top of my head. On the spot."

"That's what I meant by-" Loki spread his arms out again.

Sif felt like she was watching a match of what mortals called tennis as she looked from Loki on her right and Fandral on her left.

"Why are you reciting a poem for her, Fandral?" Sif inquired.

"Someone-" Fandral shot Loki a look, "-dared me to do so."

Loki grinned, "I bet it'll make her day."

"Really?" Fandral joked, "When we first met, I got the feeling she was much more interested in you."

"Don't be so modest," Loki returned, "She couldn't take her eyes off of you… or maybe she saw your hair."

Sif shook her head in mild amusement.

Darcy mentally made a plan to walk around looking at her shoes so that she didn't have to tickle anyone. What if she saw an elderly couple? It would be cruel to tickle them!

Ian thought that maybe he could pull off an American accent, so everyone really believed that he had no accent. Although, then they'd just think he was even weirder…

Fandral wondered if he would have to dance behind someone for an hour. Could it actually take someone that long to notice him?!

Jane decided that if she had to tell men that she loved them, why not go all out and ham it up? But now she couldn't remember what age groups Darcy had said counted as 'men', so she made a mental note to ask her that.

Loki was already stressing out about the dare to throw Sif into the ocean tomorrow. After her display this morning, Loki was, at this point, just trying to decide how Sif would murder him. Why couldn't he have had to throw Darcy in? She didn't seem to have violent tendencies. Then Loki remembered that all of the women in the household had exhibited violent actions against him (Darcy tasing him, Jane slapping him, Sif threatening to kill him, etc).

Thor and Volstagg sat happily chatting, having no more dares to complete.

They arrived at the department store without an 'Odin interventions', as Loki now called them.

"I'm almost growing concerned," Loki joked, "He hasn't tested any of us in a while."

"Be careful what you wish for," Sif replied.

"Now, did I ever use the phrase 'I wish' in that sentence?" Loki returned, "Because I don't think I did."

"I wonder which of us is to be tested next?" Fandral asked rhetorically.

Their group of eight entered the store for the second time and so began the chaos. Jane looked down at her feet and promptly walked into a man.

She was forced to look up and apologize, then add, "I love you!"

"Say what?!" The dude returned.

"Ha! Gotcha! Just kidding!" Jane replied, then practically ran away.

Fandral looked down at his feet and walked without bumping into anyone, but only because Volstagg agreed to direct him.

"Left. Left," he said, "No, you're other left!"

Fandral crashed into a metal clothing rack and crumpled to the floor.

"Ow!" He exclaimed, "I'm fine!"

The young girl who was at the cash register looked slightly horrified, and then Ian walked up to her.

"Hi, can I help you?" She asked, her voice sounding flirtatious.

"No, but guess what?" Ian responded, "I do NOT have a British accent!"

Ian went back to the men's group, who were making their way to their section already. The girl's face became even more horrified.

Darcy looked down at her feet and stood in place.

"Come on, Darcy," Sif said, "I'll guide you."

She already hand her arm looped through Jane's and she offered Darcy her other arm.

Darcy looked up at their male companions and smiled evilly.

"Oops, I saw them," She smiled, "Now it's stealthy tickle time!"

Darcy ran off after them cackling, and Sif glanced around to see if anyone else had saw this. The girl at the register looked terrified.

"Let's go," Sif said, leading Jane off.

"Yeah," Jane agreed looking down and letting Sif take her far away from Darcy.

* * *

A/N: Next chapter: many more in-store incidents involving our friends, Jane Foster and Co.

Please review, and thanks a bunch to those who continually review! I appreciate your support!


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